[Lexi232]

has anyone ever successfully live with roommates before? how were you able to be able to? did your roommate know of you having more than just your present self around?
how did you tell them if u did?

were any of ur close friends, also your roommate?

i really miss my best friend and we see her like a sister too. but one within us did things to push her away, and we had to leave instead of trying to explain what really was going on in my system... my bestfriend now knows the jists of it.
i want to see if she wants to be roomates again, but i would be asking her to move into this state(one state away from where she grew up. but she and her immediate family are in a state almost 1,000 miles away from here... so before i even ask if thats something she would want too. i want to be sure that i wont screw up this time. and i dont want any chance of me repeating the past. we also fear that the pattern our own family has always done will somehow play through us. and we dont want that either.. our family reels us in, then once we are far from anyone else, they treat us like dirt and leave us fending for ourselves and being isolated. i dont want to be like that. how do i make sure that it wont happen?

how do others live with roommates and having others in the system? the ones in me are pretty skiddish and hide away and wont even speak to me when we arent in private. well usually thats how it is. our home has became a safe place with rules (in a sense). they can come out, not worry about anyone one being around or walking in on us or something like that (cant think of the exact wording that would make that more accurately stated). and the rules are pretty much, they let me stay around to observe (usually they dont tho lol i am thinking its not on purpose tho, its just a lack of knowledge on how to do that when its not just happening on its own). and to not go near the door, and no cooking. and other rules but helps the others feel secure and safe enough to come to the surface.

is there a way?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Lexi232

has anyone ever successfully live with roommates before? how were you able to be able to? did your roommate know of you having more than just your present self around?
how did you tell them if u did?

were any of ur close friends, also your roommate?

i really miss my best friend and we see her like a sister too. but one within us did things to push her away, and we had to leave instead of trying to explain what really was going on in my system... my bestfriend now knows the jists of it.
i want to see if she wants to be roomates again, but i would be asking her to move into this state(one state away from where she grew up. but she and her immediate family are in a state almost 1,000 miles away from here... so before i even ask if thats something she would want too. i want to be sure that i wont screw up this time. and i dont want any chance of me repeating the past. we also fear that the pattern our own family has always done will somehow play through us. and we dont want that either.. our family reels us in, then once we are far from anyone else, they treat us like dirt and leave us fending for ourselves and being isolated. i dont want to be like that. how do i make sure that it wont happen?

how do others live with roommates and having others in the system? the ones in me are pretty skiddish and hide away and wont even speak to me when we arent in private. well usually thats how it is. our home has became a safe place with rules (in a sense). they can come out, not worry about anyone one being around or walking in on us or something like that (cant think of the exact wording that would make that more accurately stated). and the rules are pretty much, they let me stay around to observe (usually they dont tho lol i am thinking its not on purpose tho, its just a lack of knowledge on how to do that when its not just happening on its own). and to not go near the door, and no cooking. and other rules but helps the others feel secure and safe enough to come to the surface.

is there a way?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

yes my wife and I lived together as room mates and as a couple for years before NY passed the law that gave gays/lesbians the right to marry.

yes Sandi knew I was DID before we moved in together. I did not want her entering into this arrangement without being fully informed..here in NY if a person advertizes for a room mate and does not fully inform the in coming room mate of the living situations they will have to contend with, the incoming room mate can sue the one with holding information that may affect that business relationship of being room mates.

I was not about to ruin a friendship by having Sandi move in and then have her not understand the disorder, what happens in the home because of this mental disorder, the worry and stress she may go through because of living in a home where there is a room mate who one moment is a fully aware adult and the next an adult woman acting angry/belligerent the next and an adult appearing to be a child sucking their thumb watching sesame street the next.

when Sandi and I started talking about getting a place together as room mates, I got her some information on Dissociation and DID. let her read through it then told her I had it, then invited her to meet my therapist and meet with my therapist for sessions by herself so she could talk freely with my therapist. She told me she was very glad that I took the time to let her get to know the disorder, and meet with my therapist, and I cared so much for her that I did not let her move in with out being fully informed. then we moved in together. I made sure she and my therapist had open communication lines so that they could talk together at any time. Sandi also had her own therapist.

because our relationship was so transparent unlike many of my other non transparent relationships ours grew stronger every day and still does today as wife and wife.

[innocentjoy]

I live in a house with my landlady, and her partner. It is very open concept, and even though we each have our own living rooms, it is so open that you can hear everything that goes on.Sometimes we'll both have tea, sitting in our own living rooms, talking, that's how open it is. So it's basically living with roommates. They do not know that I have alters of any kind, and I prefer to keep it that way. It's nobody's business, unless I choose to have them be a part of it.

When I'm feeling different/younger/vulnerable, whatever, I stay in my room, mostly. I tell her (which is true) that I suffer from migraines, and she usually assumes that is what causes it. I'm good at knowing when I'm okay to be around people and when I need to be alone, so this hasn't caused too many issues. I do avoid going into my living space sometimes, not because they are rude, mean or unkind, but because I don't want to be around people who do not understand.

Living with people can be stressful, especially if you are close to them, as stressors will often affect both of you. One thing that might help would be to come up with a list of 'worries' or issues that have the potential of coming up, and coming up with solutions to them. If you're afraid of being walked in on, you can always have something set up where you know where each other are. When I was working in residence at university, we were expected to have signs on our doors stating where we were so that we could set up better boundaries for our students. If our door said we were studying, students would know it was only important issues to knock for, whereas if it said we were just hanging out, they would know they could stop by and tell us their latest funny story or whatever. Something that might help would be giving her a heads up when you were in a sociable mood, when you are dealing with stresses, or need to be alone, etc.

I would also highly recommend having a roommate agreement based on the fact that you guys are friends, and you have some big issues you deal with daily, with the dissociation. It is so easy to overstep boundaries when living with friends, than it would be a stranger, and coming up with needs/expectations from the beginning can help you know where each other are at, and to help deal with any issues if they do come up later on. And it's not a binding 'you must' contract, it's an agreement that you will be aware of/try to keep certain boundaries etc. So if it doesn't work out, you can revise it later.

Things that might help with your situation would be what you expect/need her to do if you are going through x, y, or z stresses. This might help her not to feel so responsible or helpless when stuff comes up. It would also give you guys a chance to talk about it together before any issues would come up. It would also be a chance to keep it from ever becoming a patient/helper relationship. I've found that when I'm living with people and they find out I'm dealing with stuff they automatically decide they need to help me, by telling me what to do, take, etc. or where they feel very upset if I dont contact them a certain amount of times, just to assure them that I'm okay. None of these are normal for healthy relationships, but because I dissociate, they consider it another rules set. It has taken time to get to the point where I can tell them that if they are worried about me, it is their issue to work through, not my responsibility to reassure them (unless there is a valid reason for them to be concerned).

It might be a really great chance for you guys to recconnect!! Hope it goes well for you.
(Sorry if this was a ton of info :S)
IJ