new to DID

Hello to everyone, I am new here and looking for some help.

I began to realise that I might have DID about a year ago. I worked with the diagnosis for about a month, but was so afraid of the diagnosis that I switched myself off and stopped experiencing DID altogether.

A few weeks ago severe stress brought on the DID again and now I am starting to accept the diagnosis. Unfortunately there are no trauma t's where I live and my present T has no experience with DID.

I was diagnosed with cPTSD (sexual ritual abuse/incest/child pornography) 7 years ago and have been in therapy for the past seven years.

I really need some guidance. I am scared because I can't figure out what is happening. If someone could guide me a bit I would really appreciate it.
At the moment I am experiencing a kind of push and pull on my consciousness when i begin to wake.

As I try to awaken from sleep I am aware of the alters, at least two, one is male, both are pulling at me pushing me down, trying to take consciousness. One has fear present the other anger. I do not know who they are. They will not allow me to awaken fully and will not allow me to leave the bed. Each seems to have a strong desire to be the one present in sleep, to be the one aware of dreams.

At one point I did awake fully as my DH asked me if I was OK. But right after I told him I was struggling and couldn't explain it to him, I was pulled right back into sleep.

Anyone know what is going on?

Im not sure what the mental health community believes where you are (the UK) but here in the USA DID isnt something that comes and goes like having an infection and then it goes away and comes back again. but I do understand the shutting down because here in the USA shutting down is a normal form of dissociation.

Maybe you can talk with your T that you have now, explain to that T how you are feeling and how DID affects you. one good thing about DID is that the same therapy for things like PTSD, sexual abuse (I left off the "Ritual" from your post on purpose because here in america depending on what you mean by ritual that can disqualify a person for having DID...the new diagnostic criteria here in america says the dissociative problems cant be because of ceremonial, or religious practices).

treatment providers here in america can still work with people with dissociative disorders including DID even if they dont specialize in that. they work instead on stabilizing a persons symptoms and problems....

example if anxiety is whats triggering the alters and person with DID into dissociating then anti anxiety meds and therapy techniques for anxiety will help/work. if depression is whats behind the dissociative problems antidepressants will help/work on the dissociative symptoms....

a person with DID here in america can still work on trauma related issues with a therapist that does not specialize in dissociative disorders, by using the same therapy techniques that work for PTSD/sexual abuse survivors who do not have dissociative disorders like talking about what happened, grounding, relaxation, grounding, cbt, dbt, edmr and other approaches too.

For about the last 8 months I have been having debilitating feelings of anxiety and fear as I wake in the morning. I would push past it most of the time but sometimes it would get a hold of me and my body would shake from the inside out. It would cause me to not want to get out of bed or do things I needed to do for the day. I felt petrified. About a week or so ago i decided to just say good morning to the feelings when they came. Oddly enough that acknowledgment seems to satisfy the feelings and they subside. I am sure I will need to deal with the reasons for the fear and anxiety but for now I am able to get up in the morning and get things done that need to be done. Maybe if you acknowledge the feelings and let them know that you need to be in charge to get on with the day, they will subside.