Appearances of alters

Does anyone else 'check in' with their mind to see how their alters are doing?
Lately when I look in, the only one easily 'visible' in my mind is Lucy. But she seems to be dressed in a military outfit. She's got a helmet, camouflage gear, and is carrying a spear. Usually she's peaking out of grass or trees.

I don't know really what to make of it. She's definitely in protection mode. We've stopped being open with people and sharing as much as is normal. We've stopped calling help lines, and are always 'on the ready' to stick up for ourselves. We're not as cooperative with healthcare providers, especially when it comes to sharing. She's been like this for a week, at least.

Lucy is upset that we shared so much information, and we started to notice that people were looking at us more as vulnerable, sensitive, victims, etc. She never wants people to think of us as vulnerable. She took over the sharing, and it is hard to talk about issues with most people.

Has anyone else had situations where alters 'appear' (in their minds) much differently than they usually do? Is this a weird thing? It makes perfect sense to me and in my mind why she is looking like this, and deciding these things. So I'm assuming for me this is not a crazy thing, just a change that needs to be noticed, I guess. Just hoping it doesn't sound crazy/weird to everyone else

IJ

no I never saw any of my alters in my mind nor outside my mind. I did have some situations where I thought I did and it turned out to be psychosis and hallucinations, where based on what I knew about my alters my mind would hallucinate, or have delusional thoughts that I was seeing them.

I found out that for me it was hallucinations / delusions /psychosis by talking with my treatment providers. they told me that any time something new or sudden happens, that hasnt been happening for years is not usually part of my DID and dissociative disorders. they made some changes to my medications and I was back on track again.

the brain is an amazing thing and it can create images in the mind of all kinds, whether by daydreaming, hallucinations and what ever else that can cause this kind of things.

my suggestion contact your treatment providers, they can help you with this.

Hi IJ. Yes, I was sometimes visually aware of my alts inside. I can't say I have had the exact experience as you, but overall it sounds familiar... as in a need for protection being triggered by talking about stuff. My alts have definitely had a range of ways they protected us against various things, talking included. Sounds like that inside person is a great protector, and has stepped up the inner security. It seems pretty straightforward and natural to me!

Thanks, Luce. That was helpful to hear When you put it that way, it does make a lot of sense. She has really helped me out the last couple weeks (and over my life, of course) really well.

Thanks again.
IJ

I check in with them when I can feel them bubbling under the surface. Sometimes I can only feel one or two. Usually if I can feel more its because something is wrong. It's how I can tell I might dissociate, but it also helps because instead of just letting them take me over I can work with them to solve whatever is happening. Sometimes it's as simple as they really want that dress.

Maybe for the time being Lucy needs that spear. She will put it down when she is ready.... or ask her if she would like to put it down? Alters do a pretty good job, sometimes too good. Would Lucy like to go and walk on the grass again?

We decided that there are times when we need to 'spear up', or keep from becoming too vulnerable, and time when it is important for us to open up. In a safe place, at the right time, with the right person, about the right stuff. It's difficult for her to be okay letting people know what is going on with me, but we are learning to balance. Her biggest strength is self-reliance, and I am trying to learn from her, without allowing her to take over.
Possum, it's funny you ask that, as it is one of those things where she would love to....as long as it's safe to do so. And she doesn't feel it is. That will be something to work towards, for us
Thanks!
IJ

It is so hard for our alters to find safety without being too vulnerable. It is a very fine line requiring courage IJ.

My thoughts are with you.

This is what it's like for me. I never see my alter except brief flashes of him when I'm really stressed and I hallucinate.

What do you mean by hallucinate? If I am being too personal I apologize but I am unsure if you are referring to seeing the alters or something else.

not sure who you are directing your question to but I will answer why I mentioned hallucinate in my post....

the mind is an amazing thing. people can convince their self of anything even seeing things that are not real. if a person with DID focuses on wanting to see their alters they will. that doesnt mean they really can see their alter.

let me give you an example...

think about an onion. now think about it with your whole heart and senses....now can you smell the onion? can you see in your mind or picture that onion next to you? can you feel the onions firmness, or taste the onion taste in your mouth?...if so you are experiencing a sensory hallucination your mind just conjured up due to your wanting it to happen, not because right now you actually/really are holding an onion in your hand.

for some people they may want to see their alters to this extreme, consciously or unconsciously, or due to medications or other problems and it happens through being a hallucination.

when it happened to me it was because of my medications and other problems, not a situation of actually/really seeing the alters. it was a mind playing tricks on me hallucination.