[Patagonia]

My T has shared a new book w/me that I'm supposed to "pace myself" in getting thru it. At the end of each chapter there's homework which is something I asked for. Something to do @ home that'll keep me connected. I think its a great read & full of information especially on DDNOS. It's called
Coping With
Trauma-Related Dissociation
Skills Training for Patients & their Therapists

I told her that I read the first 3 chapters & that chapter 3 put me in a major breakdown mode. Things were touching so close to my heart I became full of shame & guilt. I did email her & told her of the trouble I had & that I was going to take a break. She wrote back that that's exactly what the book recommends, which is true, & that if I needed a break then take one. When I saw her for a session she asked me how the book was coming along & I said I didn't start it again. Again she told me to pace myself thru the next few chapters.
I thought I was going to go thru this book w/my T & not by myself? I feel very alone reading it. FWIW

[tametc]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

When I saw her for a session she asked me how the book was coming along & I said I didn't start it again. Again she told me to pace myself thru the next few chapters.
I thought I was going to go thru this book w/my T & not by myself? I feel very alone reading it. FWIW

Maybe you could tell her this when you see her again? I've found that sometimes the tools for healing can be triggering, and unless we have support, it just makes things worse.

[Claritytoo]

I agree with tametc, It's important to have support particullary when you have reached an area that is causing you pain and is so triggering. Bring the book to your next session and ask you t to spend the time at session supporting you as you work through chapter 3. You are strong for getting as far as you have in the book. Now you just need a little support getting through the tougher parts. Take care.

[Bloem]

I know that book i got it myself. It is not meant to do on your own, because it can trigger feelings. I will soon be working with this book in a group. when I had the intake I told the psychologist that I was already working in the book, she told me that the training is one that you do with a therapist because it can call up a lot of emotions. You get homework that you discuss with your therapist later. And you talk about the homework that you have to make. With your therapist you will reflect on what you have experienced, if something triggered you and how you can deal with it.

Ask your t what she expected from the training and explain to her what it does to you, that you need her support, that you thought that you would do it together with her.

Bloem

[Patagonia]

Had therapy today & mentioned I'm now on chapter 6. All she said was to take it slow. We're really not going to talk about any of it I guess. She's not helping me a bit.

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[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

Had therapy today & mentioned I'm now on chapter 6. All she said was to take it slow. We're really not going to talk about any of it I guess. She's not helping me a bit.

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maybe she doesnt realize you want to talk about it... let me give you an example...

when I told my therapist I read the courage to heal she said thats good but pace yourself. (she acknowledged my statement and gave me her advice that she wanted me to set a pace in which I could handle. I didnt ask her to discuss the book with me so she didnt.)

but when I said to her Im reading the courage to heal, Im on the part where I need to answer some questions. Im a bit stuck on this, can you help me or can we work on this here? her answer was sure did you bring your book, if not I think I have a copy right behind you on the shelf. (because I asked her to help me and asked if we could do the work during therapy she knew what I needed from her)

therapists dont just know what their clients need. they need to be told what you need from them. it may be that in order to get the help you need from your therapist you are going to have to actually ask her if you and she can work on the book during your therapy sessions.

another example the other night my wife and I were watching a movie on my lap top. she went to the kitchen and came back with a sandwich. I looked at her and said "wheres mine?" she said sorry I didnt know you wanted one, you didnt ask me to bring you one. she had a point she could not have known I wanted a pastromi sandwich too because I hadnt told her.

sometimes it is hard to remember to actually ask people for what we want, especially if we have known that person for a while. its natural to slip into just assuming a person knows what we want/need just from knowing us. Unfortunately getting help from therapists doesnt follow that path, if we want something from our therapists most times we have to tell them what we want /need from them.

maybe you can instead of just telling your therapist what chapter you are on, extend it to you putting into words asking your therapist what ever it is you need from her....something like...Im on this chapter can you work on this with me today?

[innocentjoy]

If you just told her that you were on chapter six and were hoping she'd take over, that's a bit of a long shot. If you want her help, you need to clearly ask her to help you. Therapists aren't mind readers. Sometimes you have to spell it out for them exactly what you need. If you need her to go through the chapters, reading it out with you, ask her to do that. If you just need to talk to her about things as you read the chapters, ask for that. If you want her to ask how you are doing with it, and offer support, tell her that you want her to check in with you.

It sounds like you guys are on two different pages, her thinking you're fine going through, that whatever triggers are happening are manageable, and you thinking you're in over your head. It's up to you to make it clear, she can't help you unless she knows how bad it is.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

Had therapy today & mentioned I'm now on chapter 6. All she said was to take it slow. We're really not going to talk about any of it I guess. She's not helping me a bit.

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She is employed by you to provide you with assistance as you work through a trauma related mental state. If you tell her you want your sessions to be spent on working with the material in the book she is obligated to assist you wither she wants to or not. You are asking her for help and that is what she is there for.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

She is employed by you to provide you with assistance as you work through a trauma related mental state. If you tell her you want your sessions to be spent on working with the material in the book she is obligated to assist you wither she wants to or not. You are asking her for help and that is what she is there for.

Im sorry to have to disagree with you here claritytoo. Here in NY therapists are not ....obligated....to work on something or ...obligated...to assist someone who is working in a book.

here in NY treatment providers make treatment plans with the client when the client first comes to them, it is from that treatment plan that the therapist works from, most therapists are capable of bending that developed treatment plan if they think its in the best interest of the client but its not an obligation that they do what ever their clients want them to do...

example my treatment plan for the next 6 months says my therapist and I are working on my parenting issues as it pertains to my having post partum depression.

if I ask my therapist at this moment to help me on the chapter in the courage to heal that addresses memories and I ask my therapist for help on this she is not obligated to work on that book and my child sexual abuse memories because right now my treatment plans say we are working on my post partum depression which is a depression women get associated with pregnancy and child birth, not child sexual abuse.

my therapist if she .....chooses ......to can if she .....wants ....to say sure I can help you on this. but she does not ....have....to.

and even if I find a book on post partum depression and take it to my therapist again shes still not ....obligated...to work on that book with me.

you cant make a person do what you want just because you are paying them...unless the situation is hiring a prostitute here in NY lol sorry my sarcastic mind is active at the moment.

therapists don't have to work with someone just because they are being paid, and therapists dont have to work on what a client brings in.

another example when I was working on my child sexual abuse issues I had brought to a therapist a particular book. she didnt think that book was right for me but she could not forbid me from reading and working in it. all she could do was decide whether she wanted to work with me in it. she chose not to help me with that book because she felt I wasnt ready for it and it wanst a book that fit what she was trying to work on with me..

When I told her I was reading it. she said good just pace yourself. a week later I asked her a question about the book and she said "if you are going to work in that book pace yourself." and asked me a question that had to do with my treatment plans. a week later I had another question about the book. this time she was more blunt by saying I understand you want to read this book but thats not what we are working on in here. if you continue to avoid discussing what we are supposed to be working on, i have no recourse but to terminate with you. then she pulled out my treatment plans and said heres the plans we made together a couple months ago, this is what we are working on, I suggest you take this home with you and call me when you are ready to get back to work.

Two weeks went by as I thought about it and decided ok lets get back to work. this book was a great distraction and great reading material but its not what the mode my therapist wants me to use with her.

later on i had another therapist who asked me if I had ever used that book, when I told her yes I did it on my own because a therapist would not help me with it she said i can tell, you have incorporated some of what that book was about in to your life but unfortunately it doesnt fit there. we have a lot of work to do to undo the damage that book did and get you back on tract of doing things in a way thats best for you and your problems, books are great at giving blue prints and adding unconscious habits. but just because a book says this is how things are does not make it so. Books are wrote for many reasons, some of those reasons is for making money, so whats in them has been edited many times over until the sentences give the reader what ever the writer was trying to do, whether thats to manipulate the readers mind for entertainment, financial gain, education...

now lets get to work, instead of thinking of this problem the way the book tells you to think, tell me how this problem is with in you, what symptoms tells you this, who says......

it is so hard to read something and work on something the way a book says and then undo that damage to work on things the way a person is meant to..not according to how a books says things have to be done, but how a persons own body and mind needs to do things to heal.

and I have to admit sometimes I did bring material to my treatment providers as a way to distract them from working on the harder issues I wanted to avoid and onto working on the things I didnt avoid, basically self sabotaging my healing.

sometimes treatment providers can refuse one way of working with a client and use other techniques/tools. some use books some dont, some use recordings some dont, some use talk therapy some dont, some use DBT others may use CBT....

there are no hard rules that say a therapist must do what ever the client says just because the client is paying them.

[innocentjoy]

Patagonia, hopefully you've gotten some direction on how to bring it up with your t, to get what you need out of the situation.
IJ

[Patagonia]

When I told my T I had a breakdown in chapter 3 I guess I assumed she'd ask me about it & why. So I skipped around it just to move on. I'm not very good @ asking for what I need.

AFA a treatment plans ours seems wishy washy. Emdr has been on the list since April & were further from it then when we started. I don't think we'll ever get to it bec I can't seem to open up or trust her. I was really hopeful about using a treatment plan but it gave me a false sense of hope.

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[sweepy62]

Well im glad I left nyc then, I have a great t, we do our treatment plans every 4 months , but if something new has to be introduced into it , we put it in thereand work on it as well. Im not stuck to whats just on a treatment plan. Things do come up in life. As far as terminating threat, I would have been gone.

[(JD)]

(((safe hug)))

I think you may be going too fast. Some of the issue may be that part of you wants to absorb everything, but that part of you doesn't realize until it's too late (if at all) that it triggers another part of you... another aspect of who you are, with memories etc.

Usually you make better time in therapy, through therapy, if you slow down. Remember the story of the tortoise and the hare? Going slower is faster in these situations.

Plus, if you cover a few chapters there's no way a T can help you with all that material in one or two sessions. Try going back to chapter one, for instance, and take out one paragraph that is important or meaningful or questionable for you, and then take that to the T to discuss. If she refuses to, then you can say she isn't helping.