Who was I

I met someone many years ago and over time I fell in love. When I was with him I felt safe and grounded. The cross talk in my head subsided. Keep in mind I thought everyone had cross talk in their head back then. I was happy and felt safe. We weren't a couple and he didn't know I loved him. We were friends. I never felt like that unless I was thinking about him or talking with him. Now he and I don't stay in touch. I haven't felt like that since. I am having trouble understanding if I was a part or....... I don't know. Who was I in that time spent with him when I felt loved and safe. At session I said I must have been a part during my time spent with him. but that don't ring true. So if not a part who was I? And will I ever feel like that again? These thoughts have been on my mind. I just didn't know who else to talk to about them. I don't need an answer, I just wanted to tell someone.

I'm sorry you two aren't in touch anymore, especially since you felt so safe with him in your life. Are you able to figure out what about him made you feel safe, or if he reminded you of anyone who might have been your safe person growing up? that might help you to understand why you felt that way around him, versus other people.

I have had times in my life where a lot of the cross talk goes away and I don't seem to need to switch. I also struggle with wondering if it is me being 'all-in' or if it is a part that is separate from the others. I do have one part that doesn't hear any of the others, and when I switch to her I tend not to have many issues because she also doesn't feel fear and vulnerability. However I also get physically sick from stress when she's out because the others are still there feeling upset, she's just not dealing with it, so it turns to physical symptoms of stress.

What you talk about sounds different than that, and more how I was feeling at a certain time in my life when I was working/studying, and had what felt like a full and happy life. It wasn't because of a specific person in my life, but I do attribute it to being busy, happy and the town I was living in at the time.

So, I dont' have any answers for you, not that you expected any. Just thought I'd send a message to let you know you aren't the only one, and that you're not alone in the wondering. I might bring that up with my t at some point and see what he has to say about it, actually

xoxo
IJ

Yes, he was kind. Without a thought, without expecting anything in return. That is why I felt safe. That is why I fell in love.
Thanks for responding, It does help me to feel better to know that I am not the only one with such unanswered questions. Take care.