[GirlOfManyFaces]

There are people in my head again.

My personalities are changing like crazy.

I'm seeing things that aren't there.

I remember things that, I'm pretty sure, didn't happen.

I feel like my abuser is in the room with me.

He is going to hurt me again.

I freeze up and can't move.

My nightmares are becoming more graphic and more terrifying.

Am I crazy?

Is there something wrong with my head?

There are too many in my head telling me different things.

Can I cut them out?

How do I fix myself?

Why am I broken?

[Yoda]

Take a deep breath and realize that we are here to support you.

You may have some psychological problems that are making your life difficult and dysfunctional but I don't think you are 'crazy'. That is more of a legal term than psychological.

I can understand how what you describe is upsetting and you want it to stop. I too have had fear that my abuser would hurt me and that continued even after he had died which doesn't make sense but sometimes our thoughts don't make sense. That is when it is good to talk to a friend or T about our thoughts and feelings.

You are not 'broken' but you are not functioning as well as you could. I think it is pretty typical to go through ups and downs in life. Are you seeing a T or pdoc; are you on any psych meds?

Has anyone ever said you might have PTSD? I have PTSD and some of my experiences are similar to some of the things you are experiencing. I had a scary dream night before last about trying to move to another state to get away from my abuser and it was very disturbing. I was so happy to wake up and remember that the abuse was very real but it is over now.

I am often online evenings/nights EST so feel free to PM me if you need someone to listen. We have a lot of good listeners here at PC. Sometimes I can offer advice but sometimes I only can listen.

Hope you feel better soon.

[GirlOfManyFaces]

Originally Posted by Yoda

Take a deep breath and realize that we are here to support you.

You may have some psychological problems that are making your life difficult and dysfunctional but I don't think you are 'crazy'. That is more of a legal term than psychological.

I can understand how what you describe is upsetting and you want it to stop. I too have had fear that my abuser would hurt me and that continued even after he had died which doesn't make sense but sometimes our thoughts don't make sense. That is when it is good to talk to a friend or T about our thoughts and feelings.

You are not 'broken' but you are not functioning as well as you could. I think it is pretty typical to go through ups and downs in life. Are you seeing a T or pdoc; are you on any psych meds?

Has anyone ever said you might have PTSD? I have PTSD and some of my experiences are similar to some of the things you are experiencing. I had a scary dream night before last about trying to move to another state to get away from my abuser and it was very disturbing. I was so happy to wake up and remember that the abuse was very real but it is over now.

I am often online evenings/nights EST so feel free to PM me if you need someone to listen. We have a lot of good listeners here at PC. Sometimes I can offer advice but sometimes I only can listen.

Hope you feel better soon.

I have PTSD and severe anxiety.

And it is NOT an option to go to a T or a pdoc. I can't explain but it's just not. My abuser is very scary to me because he lives close to me and he didn't more than just abuse me. He r*p*d me. And I can't even look at the word.

I'm not on meds though I'm sure I should be.

It's not over. His torment continues. It happens over and over and it's all in my head but I can't make it stop. He's going to try to kill me again

I'm so scared!

[Yoda]

That is awful. I was sexually assaulted by an uncle and I know how difficult it is when you have to be physically near someone you despise.

I wish you could talk to a T.

When bad thoughts are filling up your head try to distract yourself to think about something else. ANYTHING else.

When my flashbacks were at their worst I would hug my horse or pet a cat. Painting pictures also help me to divert my attention from the pain. I'm not a good artist but being creative does help me to think about what I am doing right now rather than dwelling on the bad that has happened.

[-jimi-]

Girl, you are not crazy. Time is a thing of mystery, like they say it drags when you are bored and speeds when you have fun. Time is an individual experience. You can also lose the time between now and an unpleasant time in the past (actually it can happen with a pleasant time as well, we are just not so bothered by it). This is a flashback. It effectively puts you in the past and you relive the past in the present, so the past is as clear and real as the present.

It's not going crazy, it's actually something that seems to be programmed into our heads, the stress sort of overrides the superficial sense of time we have.

Since I don't have trauma I don't really know how to handle this, my flashbacks are neutral. But if I feel weird having one (even positive and neutral ones can feel bad in that I feel sort of crazy and lost), I catch an object I didn't own back then or listen to some new music that hadn't been released in the past. I have NO IDEA if that stuff works for trauma induced flashbacks, and this sounds more like a cheap trick for lesser stuff but who knows?

Something I also do and I have no idea if it is bad or good, is that I speak to one of my plush toys. I let myself be my miserable self and the plush toy is the voice of reason so to speak (and yea all my plushies have names, voices and personalities...). I think this works for me because deep down I have this odd belief things are somehow a bit alive.

I'm a bit nuts but... anyway I wish you well. You seem to be a good person.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by GirlOfManyFaces

There are people in my head again.

My personalities are changing like crazy.

I'm seeing things that aren't there.

I remember things that, I'm pretty sure, didn't happen.

I feel like my abuser is in the room with me.

He is going to hurt me again.

I freeze up and can't move.

My nightmares are becoming more graphic and more terrifying.

Am I crazy?

Is there something wrong with my head?

There are too many in my head telling me different things.

Can I cut them out?

How do I fix myself?

Why am I broken?

I know its hard being a teenager and not completely in control of whether you can or cant get mental health treatment...

a suggestion...what about seeing your school psychologist. they are free and you can see them during your school day so it wont be an imposition on your family for cost and transportation.

about the people in your head...maybe if you know a bit more about these voices/people in your head is will make things a bit easier...

like an interesting fact about Dissociative type people/voices is that they dont come and go, they are there all the time, they may not always show their self or be notice able but they are there from a very young age (usually before a person is 5 yrs old), you're in 10th grade right? that means if these people/voices are dissociative type then they have4 been there since before you were in kindergarten.

I know its scary when they decide to let their existence be known to someone with DID, but when you think about it from the mind set that they have always been there, it makes it easier on some people.

Another interesting fact about Dissociative type people/voices in the head is that they are actually there to help you.

example you have posted you were raped, well they helped you to survive that rape by taking all that pain, on to their self and away from you, so that you can keep on living with out having so much pain.

do you know what dissociation is? its doing things like day dreaming, spacing off, numbing yourself, not allowing yourself to feel. people do this all the time and its a normal form of dissociation.

some peoples bodies do this so well that they start having problems like feeling like they are not a part of what is going on.its kind of like being on a merry go round and the merry go round goes too slow or too fast. (when this happens its called depersonalization/derealization disorder which is a dissociative disorder)

theres other dissociative disorders too. like theres one where you cant remember things, (dissociative Amnesia)

theres one where you have alternate personalities where you lose track of time (DID)

theres one where you may have alternate personalities but do not lose time (OSDD - Other specified Dissociative Disorder)

and theres one that happens with dissociative problems that do not meet any of the other dissociative disorder criteria (UDD unspecified Dissociative Disorder)

you can read more about these here ...
http://forums.psychcentral.com/disso...s-dsm-5-a.html

You have posted you have PTSD and anxiety.. well with some people when they are having ptsd and anxiety problems the alters show their self in order to help that person through the PTSD problems and Anxiety problems...

example when ever I would get anxious, scared, ...my alters would help me by reminding me to breath, calm down, and if need be they would take care of the problem I was having for me.

no you cant cut them out and the only way to fix them is by seeing a treatment provider in your location...ie a therapist, psychiatrist or psychologist. depending upon which dissociative disorder you fit into the fix may be as simple as a medication, or talking with the treatment provider. in very rare cases the fix is hospitalization if your alters are being a danger to you or others.

my suggestion talk with your school psychologist. they can help you get the right treatment so that these people in your head are not so hard for you to handle. and may even be able to talk with your parents so that they can get you on a treatment plan that is there any time you need them.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by GirlOfManyFaces

I have PTSD and severe anxiety.

And it is NOT an option to go to a T or a pdoc. I can't explain but it's just not. My abuser is very scary to me because he lives close to me and he didn't more than just abuse me. He r*p*d me. And I can't even look at the word.

I'm not on meds though I'm sure I should be.

It's not over. His torment continues. It happens over and over and it's all in my head but I can't make it stop. He's going to try to kill me again

I'm so scared!

I used to work for a hotline. The people who called were anonymous unless they wanted to give us their names. Most of the people I spoke with didn't really just wanted talk to someone. They wanted help. Some of them couldn't go to a t or pdoc either so they would call. We made them feel safe. Also many of the people who called didn't know about the different types of mental services that was available to them in their communities. The hotline had all that information. Many of the services were free. Maybe you can call a hotline in your area. It can help keep you safe

[Rzay4]

How are you doing? Hopefully better. I too fear my hallucinations though know it's my brother trying to communicate with me. He died almost 9 years ago.

[GirlOfManyFaces]

Originally Posted by Rzay4

How are you doing? Hopefully better. I too fear my hallucinations though know it's my brother trying to communicate with me. He died almost 9 years ago.

I'm ok I guess. I like to think the little girl I see is my little sister telling me she is okay. (She passed away 13 years ago, I miss her dearly)

[Rzay4]

Oh my goodness I'm so sorry. That's really hard. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.