[Rzay4]

I was doing so well, and then one of friends emails me saying she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I freak out and want to ask why then I go through my emails.

Have you ever blacked out and an alter emailed a weird email?

I'm so upset.

[mazing]

I'm sorry to hear about this Does your friend know about your alters? Could you try to explain what happened.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Rzay4

I was doing so well, and then one of friends emails me saying she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I freak out and want to ask why then I go through my emails.

Have you ever blacked out and an alter emailed a weird email?

I'm so upset.

when this kind of thing happened to me my treatment providers explained to me that because of the nature of DID its pretty common place for alters to be different then the person they reside in, ie have their own friends, have their own activities, have their own purpose, job, and reason for being. as such they function completely on their own, take on a life of their own. and sometimes their jobs, purposes, reasons for being isnt according to what my own plans are, as a result having alters affects my home life, my social life, my work, finances.....my treatment provider calls this being categorical, the DSM 5 calls it ...Distinct....

from the DSM 5...
A. Disruption of identity characterized by two or more distinct personality states which may be described in some cultures as an experience of possession. The disruption in identity involves marked discontinuity in sense of self and sense of agency, accompanied by related alterations in affect, behavior, consciousness, memory, perception, cognition, and or sensory-motor functioning. These signs and symptoms may be observed by others or reported by the individual.

line in the sand I have lost many jobs, friends, even intimate relationships because my plans / lifestyle did not match with one or more of my alters.

what to do about it, well since my alters were just being who, what they were created for, (their job, purpose, reason for being) my treatment provider and I did nothing about that. we just continued on with working on my life and problems and let the alters continue to do what they were created to do.

eventually I made friends and intimate relationships that did not get pushed away due to their not being right for me, were a danger to one or more of us.....what ever the reason was behind the alter ending that relationship for me was. I learned to have faith in what they were doing to help me survive. the result was I met Sandi who eventually became my wife.

[-jimi-]

DSM is not a bible and it doesn't need to be brought up on all occasions. DSM explains the skeleton of disorders but doesn't say so much about the rest, about what people feel and think or what their lives look like. So maybe we can put the book down for a minute?

I can say how I felt on the receiving end, my friend dissociated and talked to me on messenger. He said things that made me question if I wanted to be his friend. I got very confused and quite hurt. So I actually more or less told him not to speak to me again.

He was devastated and very confused too. He acted like I had no reason to be upset with him.

So I confronted him, finally, after several months, with what he had said to me, and he was HUH I never said that. I had to piece it together with other times especially one time I didn't witness myself but where he had to realize he had "been someone else" because there was proof.

I thought back on the messenger conversation and realized a lot of things were off and how it had sounded quite like someone else.

When I realized what had occurred I took him back as a friend, even though he still denied that thing had occurred, I realized he didn't want to face it. When I understood I had talked to another part that he was not aware of, I realized he had done nothing to me on purpose and there was nothing to be mad about. Before I realized that, I felt like he was just plain messing with me. It was really key that I understood the dissociation part of it all.

His other is the type that wants to mess up and destroy things for him and mess with everyone else. It's not a particularly nice other. But I'm OK with this other living inside my friend because now I know this entity exists and I would recognize it the next time.

I really like my friend and I'm a little sad we had this episode of misunderstanding but glad we could patch things up.

I'm not the same person as your friend but if we are anything alike I think your friend needs to know this was not something you did on purpose or meant to do.

[IzzyMeadows]

^ I'll second that. I have a hard time keeping friends for a few reasons but one is an alter that gets angry which I mentioned in another post. You can read the advice I got there in "Dealing with angry alters" a few posts down. I know it was a lot easier for my best friend when she understood my illness. She could realize that I wasn't myself and that I didn't mean what my alter said.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using Tapatalk

[Rzay4]

Thanks for all your replies. Sadly she won't listen so we just won't be friends. She wasn't true friend material anyway.

[lifelies]

Some alters sometimes mess up relationships with other ppl (for example Christine used to hit Tom's friends lmao) but then there's always someone who will try and fix it... Prob successfully lol
Lana got to make Christine that she can't act that way... Sometimes an alter can be the best therapist lol
xx
Cali

[Rzay4]

Very true alas I lost a friend but gained one back. I'm on cloud 9. So happy.

[Fuzzybear]