Me or an outside influence?

I was just journaling. I tend to use both hands to hold internal dialogue. I'm never quite sure which part is writing to who at the start. The one I would consider to be the "mature" one (me?) tends to end up being the child and the child becomes the voice of wisdom.

Today this voice of wisdom scared me. I do not believe in "god" nor have any interest in believing in such stuff, but this voice of wisdom reminded me of some "god like" person. I didnt like it and had to stop writing!

Now I feel irritable and confused and angry and scared. Who was this voice? I certainly feel all over the place now. LIke parts trying to run back into their bunkers.

I often "hear" this voice when I read other peoples post and that triggers me. Whenever I hear a authoritive tone I see "red" but to have it talk to me directly! No I am no scizophrenic. Does anyone relate to this?

((((((((((((((mouse))))))))))))))
It's hard to sort all the things in the brain sometimes. I'm sorry you are struggling. I wish I had more to say tonight but I'm having a hard time focusing my brain. I will try to write more later but wanted you to know someone was listening. Take care.

hi mouse,

i don't know if this is what you mean, but i've had my littles pester me when i am journaling or posting. i used to get mad and tell them to shut up. now i know they are realating to something, and want to tell me. now i listen, and try to be patient. it works out better. sometimes it's a part of me that wants to say what they think. i try to be understanding, even if i don't agree with them. they have a right to their own opinion, coming from their own experience.

hope things get better soon.
benny