[precaryous]

Just restarting therapy after a fifteen year lapse. I'm re telling my story, again.

I need help:
What has helped you with inner child work?

I have the CD, "Songs For The Inner Child" by Shaina Noll, which I love.

Thanks!

[glok]

Hello, precaryous. I wish you well.

[Restin]

I've started again after about 15 yrs, too, due to insurance issues. Retelling your story is okay, depending on who you tell it to. I liked the book about inner child work by John Bradshaw, but for one thing. It needs to include your therapist, not a do-it-yourself- project. How your inner child feels about the therapist is so important to healing. That's the part that took the beating years ago, and feels both hope and fear with the therapist. Feeling this and discussing it is what restructures and transforms your feelings about all that happened in the past that causes problems now. I have a way to go myself, but working on it with my T.

[precaryous]

Thank you so much.
Has anyone read Hudith Herman's, "Trauma And Recovery?"

Please tell me if there are any other books or resources that might help.

I'll sat my T about the John Bradshaw book. Thanks for the lead.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by precaryous

Thank you so much.
Has anyone read Hudith Herman's, "Trauma And Recovery?"

Please tell me if there are any other books or resources that might help.

I'll sat my T about the John Bradshaw book. Thanks for the lead.

Im assuming you mean Judith Herman not Hudith Herrman and yes I read it though many of the concepts in there are no longer used (outdated published in 1992 with slight updates in 1997) it focuses on all different topics of abuse.....domestic violence, child abuse, political terrorism, and whats now with the new DSM 5 standards of PTSD problems .....panic attacks, nightmares, anxiety, flashbacks, amnesia, dissociation in general.

Its a good book for its time in which it was published and is a favorite for those in college doing research on all kinds of abuse because it has some statistical data in it from that time frame.

my treatment provider and I do not use this book because much of what she talks about in this book has changed in the past 17- 22 yrs since its first publication, and isnt what my treatment providers and I do for my mental health issues.

[(JD)]

I find Judith's work still relevant. It shows how private experiences and public traumas share "fundamental similarities of disempowerment and denial".

I think the only thing that may have majorly changed is that its focus is upon integration whereas those who work with DID patients can now accept a more congruous living "with" DID rather than "curing it and obliterating it."

For the patient I think Getting Through the Day by Nancy J Napier is good. Any of the other books (including Judith's above) may be more on the T level and not necessarily good for the DIDer to go through alone (such as The Courage to Heal and it's workbook should be done with a T, imo.)

There isn't much else to say that hasn't been said in other threads over the years...

but maybe a reminder to provide avenues of expression for the inner child...depending upon the age and likes/dislikes...coloring books, craft items, plushies, and other comfort items are important.

Also important is to journal, and allow the child part(s) to participate however possible, and to reassure that they served a good purpose that helped you to survive/thrive but that it has changed and they are needed in another way now. Letting them know that things have changed and you are safe (truly you must be to work on healing) now.

[Fuzzybear]

[ladytiger]

My ex-therapist and I spoken about the inner child, but didn't do any homework on it. She told me I needed to "parent myself" but how do you tap into the inner child? What I've been trying to do is speak to the inner voice about what we are going to do and how to do it, then I feel surges of bitterness towards my parents when trying to avhieve something then lose track at what I am doing.

I know you are suppose to work on this with a mental health professional, but I refuse to go back to even speak to any MHPs! 3 is a charm for me, speaking to them they made me feel even worse. I saw a couple mentions of authors on inner child and is it possible to do it yourself? Anyone ever had success doing it? I have been feeling for a long time this urging feeling of "another person" inside but never believed in the inner child. My behavior explains why I do what I do because of the lack of nurturing I never got from my parents and did all sorts of crap long ago to get that nurturing.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by ladytiger

My ex-therapist and I spoken about the inner child, but didn't do any homework on it. She told me I needed to "parent myself" but how do you tap into the inner child? What I've been trying to do is speak to the inner voice about what we are going to do and how to do it, then I feel surges of bitterness towards my parents when trying to avhieve something then lose track at what I am doing.

I know you are suppose to work on this with a mental health professional, but I refuse to go back to even speak to any MHPs! 3 is a charm for me, speaking to them they made me feel even worse. I saw a couple mentions of authors on inner child and is it possible to do it yourself? Anyone ever had success doing it? I have been feeling for a long time this urging feeling of "another person" inside but never believed in the inner child. My behavior explains why I do what I do because of the lack of nurturing I never got from my parents and did all sorts of crap long ago to get that nurturing.

is it possible to do the work yourself....that depends upon what type of "inner child" you are talking about.....

here in NY (the one in the USA as opposed to other locations) the inner child has two meanings.....

the therapy approach and concept that everyone mental disordered or not has times when they feel and react like a child would.....

examples....

when you are impatient and like a child want things done like now or it totally upsets you to where you feel like crying or raging like a child would.

when you are angry and you react like a child throwing a temper tantrum.

when you see something you like and with no care to your bills and finances you like a child would go get that thing you think you cant live with out.

feeling happy and carefree as if you were a child on christmas morn.

storming out of work just because someone said something you didnt like....

a common one for me is going to visit an older relative and feeling like a child again when around that relative.

my point is everyone has times in their every day lives when they feel and react like they are/were a child.

working with this kind of inner child yes it is possible to work on it alone. all it takes is recognizing when you are feeling and reacting like a child, stop, take a moment to breath and then think about what the responsible adult side of you would do...the actual therapy that goes with this is called Transactional Analysis.. if you type in the search bar the words Parent, Adult, Child therapy you will find loads of information on this idea that everyone has an inner child, inner parent and inner adult part of them, and how to handle each of these and work on issues that revolve around this.

that said some people and locations use the term ....inner child...to mean Alternate personalities that happen due to extreme trauma (DID) working alone with alternate personalities can be a very dangerous thing and impossible for some to do on their own, especially if they have no to little co consciousness abilities with their alters.

each internal system of alterss with DID is comprised of what ever that person needed in order to survive. each alter has their own way of being, their own jobs, purposes and reasons for being. in most cases there are protector alters. these are alters in which at no cost they will protect the secrets, protect the host and internal system of alters from others outside the body, even if that means being violent, suicidal, raging, manipulative, lying, endless crying, moving everyone to a new location, .....there are many different ways in which an alter can protect the physical and mental aspects of the body in which they live.

example one of my alters any time I tried to talk, think about, work through anything about my childhood that alter would take over and I would become aware in a hospital room because that protector alter took over and took a mixture of pills trying to silence the mind and keep the secrets under wraps.

another example when ever I thought about this one problem I was having an alter would take over and I would become aware not knowing how I got moved to a new location away from what was triggering me to remember that issue that was causing that problem I was trying to work on.

its a very complex thing working on trying to fix the problems that come with DID on your own just because of all that went into how,why that person is DID to begin with.

[ladytiger]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

is it possible to do the work yourself....that depends upon what type of "inner child" you are talking about.....

here in NY (the one in the USA as opposed to other locations) the inner child has two meanings.....

the therapy approach and concept that everyone mental disordered or not has times when they feel and react like a child would.....

examples....

when you are impatient and like a child want things done like now or it totally upsets you to where you feel like crying or raging like a child would.

when you are angry and you react like a child throwing a temper tantrum.

when you see something you like and with no care to your bills and finances you like a child would go get that thing you think you cant live with out.

feeling happy and carefree as if you were a child on christmas morn.

storming out of work just because someone said something you didnt like....

a common one for me is going to visit an older relative and feeling like a child again when around that relative.

my point is everyone has times in their every day lives when they feel and react like they are/were a child.

working with this kind of inner child yes it is possible to work on it alone. all it takes is recognizing when you are feeling and reacting like a child, stop, take a moment to breath and then think about what the responsible adult side of you would do...the actual therapy that goes with this is called Transactional Analysis.. if you type in the search bar the words Parent, Adult, Child therapy you will find loads of information on this idea that everyone has an inner child, inner parent and inner adult part of them, and how to handle each of these and work on issues that revolve around this.

that said some people and locations use the term ....inner child...to mean Alternate personalities that happen due to extreme trauma (DID) working alone with alternate personalities can be a very dangerous thing and impossible for some to do on their own, especially if they have no to little co consciousness abilities with their alters.

each internal system of alterss with DID is comprised of what ever that person needed in order to survive. each alter has their own way of being, their own jobs, purposes and reasons for being. in most cases there are protector alters. these are alters in which at no cost they will protect the secrets, protect the host and internal system of alters from others outside the body, even if that means being violent, suicidal, raging, manipulative, lying, endless crying, moving everyone to a new location, .....there are many different ways in which an alter can protect the physical and mental aspects of the body in which they live.

example one of my alters any time I tried to talk, think about, work through anything about my childhood that alter would take over and I would become aware in a hospital room because that protector alter took over and took a mixture of pills trying to silence the mind and keep the secrets under wraps.

another example when ever I thought about this one problem I was having an alter would take over and I would become aware not knowing how I got moved to a new location away from what was triggering me to remember that issue that was causing that problem I was trying to work on.

its a very complex thing working on trying to fix the problems that come with DID on your own just because of all that went into how,why that person is DID to begin with.

I have these temper tantrums and rages when things don't go my way. I also have abandonment issues, no sense of controlling my emotions (still learning), and guess just act like a child. There was no type of nurturing at all and my ex-therapist really didn't do a good job on working with me on that she just said be your own hero, yea, what does that entail? When I was a kid, I had no sense of doing anything on my own, I was bred to be codependent like my mom with her contradictions to be independent.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by ladytiger

I have these temper tantrums and rages when things don't go my way. I also have abandonment issues, no sense of controlling my emotions (still learning), and guess just act like a child. There was no type of nurturing at all and my ex-therapist really didn't do a good job on working with me on that she just said be your own hero, yea, what does that entail? When I was a kid, I had no sense of doing anything on my own, I was bred to be codependent like my mom with her contradictions to be independent.

be your own parent just means doing for yourself what you think a parent should do....

examples

when you notice you are cold change your clothing or get a blanket to wrap up in so that you are no longer cold.

if you are hungry go get something to eat.

if you are thirsty get something to drink

if you are sad find things that will make you feel better. for me sometimes that means letting myself feel sad and have a good cry, sometimes that means finding a blanket and wrapping it around me closing my eyes and imagining the blanket is my wife holding me.

if you are angry take care of your self in what ever ways will make you feel better. for me that means expressing my anger through my art, writing in my journal, wadding up paper into balls and throwing them at an unbreakable target.....

parenting your self just means doing for yourself what you would like others to do for you.

[precaryous]

I briefly touched on asking my T what to do when my "child" is hurting, flailing, sobbing, etc. She told me she wants me to physically and emotionally hold myself- like what you would do as a parent if that child was crying in front of you. That helps, really. I imagine when that happens again I will wrap myself up in a soft blanket and maybe play soft music.

[dandylin]

After 2 years of inner child work, I am seeing retroactively, progress that I have made. My little one is able to feel my strength and protection from the outsiders.

[peaches100]

One thing I am looking into is the book "Running on Empty." It's new and is written for people whose traumatic experiences in childhood were due to invalidation, neglect, and emotional abuse (in other words, the problems was caused mainly by what you didn't get in childhood from your parents that you needed, rather than the bad things that did happen to you.)

Internal Family systems (IFS) work with a t can be very helpful for working with the inner child too.