[CrazyPrincess]

Hi everyone.

I might belong here. I don't have DID-- as far as I know-- but I do dissociate. I wasn't aware of this until last week. I was in a therapy session, talking about some things that are rather hard for me to verbalize or think about, and my therapist asked if I was "still with her". I told her that of course I was still here, where else would I be? She asked me if things were kind of hazy. I just didn't reply, and finished the session. The next session, she started off by talking about dissociation. And I realized, that yes, I do dissociate. I didn't say anything, though. So, today's session, she talked, and I talked about dissociation. But what I realized, and didn't say, is that I think I am always slightly dissociated. It's like there is a room in my head, and that's where *i* live. I stay as disconnected from my body and my feelings and even certain thoughts and memories as I can. But, this room has a glass door. So, that's normally what things are like. I can still function, appear normal, manage my life, even fool my therapist. But, if I get anxious, or something upsets me, I have curtains I can pull over the glass door. This is when I feel very hazy, and very numbed out. And lastly, if things get too scary, there is a closet in this room and that is where I can run and hide. That's when everything is blocked out.

I'm afraid that this sounds crazy. I feel like its crazy. The worst thing is, I don't even remember a time where I didn't feel like this. I honestly thought this is just what people feel like. I didn't know that people actually feel emotions in their bodies. I don't. I never have, as far as I can remember. I started therapy again, after years of not being in therapy, and after going through over a dozen shrinks when I was younger without ever getting over anything that has happened in my life or without being "fixed". I thought it was time. For whatever reason, I felt like it was time to work through all my stuff. I got really lucky with a therapist I actually like, connect with, and feel safe talking to. So I have been doing more work in therapy than I have ever done before. So do Iexplain this to my therapist? And how do I explain it without sounding insane? I'm not sure I want to even try explaining. It seems like a big deal.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by CrazyPrincess

Hi everyone.

I might belong here. I don't have DID-- as far as I know-- but I do dissociate. I wasn't aware of this until last week. I was in a therapy session, talking about some things that are rather hard for me to verbalize or think about, and my therapist asked if I was "still with her". I told her that of course I was still here, where else would I be? She asked me if things were kind of hazy. I just didn't reply, and finished the session. The next session, she started off by talking about dissociation. And I realized, that yes, I do dissociate. I didn't say anything, though. So, today's session, she talked, and I talked about dissociation. But what I realized, and didn't say, is that I think I am always slightly dissociated. It's like there is a room in my head, and that's where *i* live. I stay as disconnected from my body and my feelings and even certain thoughts and memories as I can. But, this room has a glass door. So, that's normally what things are like. I can still function, appear normal, manage my life, even fool my therapist. But, if I get anxious, or something upsets me, I have curtains I can pull over the glass door. This is when I feel very hazy, and very numbed out. And lastly, if things get too scary, there is a closet in this room and that is where I can run and hide. That's when everything is blocked out.

I'm afraid that this sounds crazy. I feel like its crazy. The worst thing is, I don't even remember a time where I didn't feel like this. I honestly thought this is just what people feel like. I didn't know that people actually feel emotions in their bodies. I don't. I never have, as far as I can remember. I started therapy again, after years of not being in therapy, and after going through over a dozen shrinks when I was younger without ever getting over anything that has happened in my life or without being "fixed". I thought it was time. For whatever reason, I felt like it was time to work through all my stuff. I got really lucky with a therapist I actually like, connect with, and feel safe talking to. So I have been doing more work in therapy than I have ever done before. So do Iexplain this to my therapist? And how do I explain it without sounding insane? I'm not sure I want to even try explaining. It seems like a big deal.

no it doesnt sound crazy. I know many people who use visualization to mentally create places in their minds. in fact it is an approved therapy technique here in NY, thats right therapists here are actually teaching clients how to mentally create places in their minds where they can feel safe, take breaks from the real world, you might want to look into checking out things like meditations, visualizations, guided meditations, guided visualizations. these are techniques in doing what you do, having mental places where you can take a break, relax, get away from it all.....

here dissociation is things like spacing out, feeling numb, feeling disconnected....and guess what...its a completely normal thing to do, part of how the human brain works. some people do it a little and others do it a lot.some people can recognize when their body is doing it and others dont recognize it and still others have a mixture of times when they know its happening and times when they dont know its happening.

your treatment provider sounds like they are very knowledgeable about dissociation and knows what they need to do to help you. I bet if you continue to follow what your treatment provider is trying to teach you, you will soon be able to control those times when you feel dissociated.

welcome.

I think you should explain it to her. What you are explaining in your message makes sense. You could try printing out your message and giving it to her to read.

Best Wishes

[kaliope]

OMG! NO, it doesn't sound crazy at all. I was reading your well written description and thinking how wonderfully safe your setup seemed and I was so jealous I didn't have a place like that. I just go off into dark nothingness. definitely share it with t just as you have written it here. it is logical and organized, makes total and complete sense. so far from crazy, totally and completely normal for dissociation. I really am jealous...lol

[CrazyPrincess]

Thank you both. Hearing that it makes sense has calmed me down a bit. I will probably end up telling her. It might take me the course of several sessions, but it will end up coming out. Kaliope, I so don't want someone to be jealous of my dissociation....but I likes how you said the way I dissociate seems wonderful and safe. It made me feel a lot less crazy. So thank you.