[ThisWayOut]

What's the best way to explain to t the level of compartmentalize going on in my head? It's not DID, just a pretty high level of dissociation. She knows DDNOS is a diagnosis I've had for years, and I kinda tried to explain some of the stuff to her without going into specifics, but as trust is growing, there's a desire to let her in on some more of it. I had something written out, but it feels foolish to say out loud. I think part of my hesitation comes from the judgement I've gotten about it in the past. This t keeps reminding me that "nothing [I] have said to [her] has been ' stupid'", but I can't get past it in my own head. I've been yelled at over this stuff, ridiculed, and called a liar. I know it's all been past people, and not ever any of the t's I've worked with, but I worry about it... what's the least outlandish way to tell t of the different parts? I don't want to say anything to make it sound like DID, because it's not, but all the parts are linked to different ages and emotions. There's only one that ever is so separate I have almost no connection to (and she has a name, and can be "summoned" if spoken about), but every other part I'm aware is just an aspect of me, a very specific way of functioning around an emotion or around intellect.

How can I explain this to t? I definitely don't have the courage to say it out loud. It gets very triggering talking about this stuff out loud. Though I can write about it easier, she's big on trying to get me to read the things I write to her. If I read her this stuff, I'll just be a huge mess. Talking about the different parts tends to bring various ones to the surface. We have not perfected grounding with her, so I'm not all that confident I'd be able to leave session in an ok state after this discussion.

I would leave this stuff to come out in its own dialogue, but there are things she is asking of me that are impossible to do because of how separate everything is in my head. It's also a huge barrier to me getting the level of support I need because the intellectual side is the one that can identify the type of support needed, but has no emotion connected to it so it looks as if I don't need that support. If I'm presenting in one of the more emotional states, I'm either unable to ask for more support, or unable to know what the support would need to be. It quickly leads to decompensation so severe that I wind up inpatient. I'm really trying to avoid that right now, especially since local psych units don't really offer emotional support which is what I'm needing in the moment...

sorry. I've rambled a lot. Has anyone had a positive experience telling their t about something like this? Was there anything that made it easier to comprehend?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

What's the best way to explain to t the level of compartmentalize going on in my head? It's not DID, just a pretty high level of dissociation. She knows DDNOS is a diagnosis I've had for years, and I kinda tried to explain some of the stuff to her without going into specifics, but as trust is growing, there's a desire to let her in on some more of it. I had something written out, but it feels foolish to say out loud. I think part of my hesitation comes from the judgement I've gotten about it in the past. This t keeps reminding me that "nothing [I] have said to [her] has been ' stupid'", but I can't get past it in my own head. I've been yelled at over this stuff, ridiculed, and called a liar. I know it's all been past people, and not ever any of the t's I've worked with, but I worry about it... what's the least outlandish way to tell t of the different parts? I don't want to say anything to make it sound like DID, because it's not, but all the parts are linked to different ages and emotions. There's only one that ever is so separate I have almost no connection to (and she has a name, and can be "summoned" if spoken about), but every other part I'm aware is just an aspect of me, a very specific way of functioning around an emotion or around intellect.

How can I explain this to t? I definitely don't have the courage to say it out loud. It gets very triggering talking about this stuff out loud. Though I can write about it easier, she's big on trying to get me to read the things I write to her. If I read her this stuff, I'll just be a huge mess. Talking about the different parts tends to bring various ones to the surface. We have not perfected grounding with her, so I'm not all that confident I'd be able to leave session in an ok state after this discussion.

I would leave this stuff to come out in its own dialogue, but there are things she is asking of me that are impossible to do because of how separate everything is in my head. It's also a huge barrier to me getting the level of support I need because the intellectual side is the one that can identify the type of support needed, but has no emotion connected to it so it looks as if I don't need that support. If I'm presenting in one of the more emotional states, I'm either unable to ask for more support, or unable to know what the support would need to be. It quickly leads to decompensation so severe that I wind up inpatient. I'm really trying to avoid that right now, especially since local psych units don't really offer emotional support which is what I'm needing in the moment...

sorry. I've rambled a lot. Has anyone had a positive experience telling their t about something like this? Was there anything that made it easier to comprehend?

Im sorry but we cant tell you how to explain what is going on in your head to your T...one reason is because your T wants to know whats going on with you from you, from ....your...point of view, based on what ....you think.....

lets say I have a problem with the same things you posted, someone on line tells me to say I have connected and disconnected others inside....I do and the treatment provider can jump to the conclusion that I have schizophrenia, psychosis, DID, hallucinations, delusions......

but if I go in there and say exactly whats going on inside without relying on other peoples words for what they think is going on in my head based on what I have chosen to post ....I have voices in my head, they......and when this happens, that happens and .....then the treatment provider can tell me wow I understand and heres what we are going to do about it.

we are not in your head so we can not tell you what to tell your treatment provider. my suggestion print off your post and share it with your treatment provider, they can help you work through your post and figure out if there are any other accompanying symptoms that go along with your post info, they can also refer you for diagnostic evaluations so that you will get an accurate diagnosis on what and how your problems affect you rather then based on what people on the internet tell you to tell your treatment providers and how.

[Claritytoo]

I think it would help if you shared your concerns with your t. It is important to know you have your t's support. And it is important for your t to know how you feel about sharing your private stuff.

[CalmingOcean]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

What's the best way to explain to t the level of compartmentalize going on in my head? It's not DID, just a pretty high level of dissociation. She knows DDNOS is a diagnosis I've had for years, and I kinda tried to explain some of the stuff to her without going into specifics, but as trust is growing, there's a desire to let her in on some more of it. I had something written out, but it feels foolish to say out loud. I think part of my hesitation comes from the judgement I've gotten about it in the past. This t keeps reminding me that "nothing [I] have said to [her] has been ' stupid'", but I can't get past it in my own head. I've been yelled at over this stuff, ridiculed, and called a liar. I know it's all been past people, and not ever any of the t's I've worked with, but I worry about it... what's the least outlandish way to tell t of the different parts? I don't want to say anything to make it sound like DID, because it's not, but all the parts are linked to different ages and emotions. There's only one that ever is so separate I have almost no connection to (and she has a name, and can be "summoned" if spoken about), but every other part I'm aware is just an aspect of me, a very specific way of functioning around an emotion or around intellect.

How can I explain this to t? I definitely don't have the courage to say it out loud. It gets very triggering talking about this stuff out loud. Though I can write about it easier, she's big on trying to get me to read the things I write to her. If I read her this stuff, I'll just be a huge mess. Talking about the different parts tends to bring various ones to the surface. We have not perfected grounding with her, so I'm not all that confident I'd be able to leave session in an ok state after this discussion.

I would leave this stuff to come out in its own dialogue, but there are things she is asking of me that are impossible to do because of how separate everything is in my head. It's also a huge barrier to me getting the level of support I need because the intellectual side is the one that can identify the type of support needed, but has no emotion connected to it so it looks as if I don't need that support. If I'm presenting in one of the more emotional states, I'm either unable to ask for more support, or unable to know what the support would need to be. It quickly leads to decompensation so severe that I wind up inpatient. I'm really trying to avoid that right now, especially since local psych units don't really offer emotional support which is what I'm needing in the moment...

sorry. I've rambled a lot. Has anyone had a positive experience telling their t about something like this? Was there anything that made it easier to comprehend?

I have nothing to offer, but I am so glad you posted this. I make so much sense to myself now lol.

[Avatar10]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way about sharing deeper stuff, ((hug)). However, your T seems pretty understanding and reliable, and she's there to hear ANYTHING you need to say with a non-judgmental attitude. Try to see her as your ally in the road to better understanding yourself as a whole. But I also understand you don't feel ready yet. If I were you, I'd go slowlyn in my sharing, but I'd also open up to the posibility of receiving the help and acceptance I'd need from her. Hang in there!
Best of luck

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ThisWayOut]

Going to attempt this now... hope I can get the words out right.

[ThisWayOut]

so, didn't get around to talking about any of it. She asked with 5 minutes left if there was anything else I had wanted to talk about. I told her that it was not a 5-minute topic, and that I would not be able to even intorduce it properly within the five minutes. I guess there were times I could have spoken about it in relation to what we were talking about in the moment, but I didn't know how to segway into it. :/ She was trying to get me to see that I have a lot of control of stuff that happens (both good and bad), and maybe that I should take credit for the good. I couldn't bring it up right then becuase it felt like it would have just been an excuse (at least she would have seen it that way). I dunno... Maybe I shouldn't tell her.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

so, didn't get around to talking about any of it. She asked with 5 minutes left if there was anything else I had wanted to talk about. I told her that it was not a 5-minute topic, and that I would not be able to even intorduce it properly within the five minutes. I guess there were times I could have spoken about it in relation to what we were talking about in the moment, but I didn't know how to segway into it. :/ She was trying to get me to see that I have a lot of control of stuff that happens (both good and bad), and maybe that I should take credit for the good. I couldn't bring it up right then becuase it felt like it would have just been an excuse (at least she would have seen it that way). I dunno... Maybe I shouldn't tell her.

only you can say whether to tell your treatment provider something/anything or not (I know you werent asking us what to do, just my thoughts on it), you control what you talk about in therapy. sure therapists do ask a lot of questions but they also want to know what you want to talk about too, (as evidenced by her question at the end of the session) maybe you can do something like what I do.. when I have something to discuss with my treatment providers and dont want their questions to interfere or take me down other paths I go to therapy with a list of topics. I hand that list to my therapist saying, I know you have somethings you need to get to with me but can we work these in to the sessions too? my therapist looks at my list then she says sure which one would you like to work on today? then we pick something off my list.

when you are ready to tell your therapist things/anything it will happen. you control what you think and say. a treatment provider cant read your mind and they cant tell you to open your mouth and talk. only you can do that, and it will happen when it feels right to you.

[CalmingOcean]

Aw man I'm sorry you couldn't get it out in that session.

I don't know if every session is hard for you but I also feel like I can't get things out when I need too, and like I am forever watching the clock (
Figuritively, there is no clock in session and I don't wear a watch... But still, it's there).

It's hard to just jump into something like that!

[ThisWayOut]

so, I wasn't able to tell her today either, but we got much closer: I showed her the art journal piece I had done about it after last session, kinda introduced the topic in a very vague way, we talked about the fear of judgements and where that comes from... then at the end of session I gave her something I had written to former t about it all. I asked her to read it before next session (because I can't seem to figure out how to say it, it'll just be easier to talk about if she already knows...). On for another week-long wait.

i guess that's progress though, right?