[Zorah]

A lot of us here on the DD forum seem to be struggling atm

We just wondered if anyone is doing alright/better.

[Monty_girl]

Zorah, I'm feeling OK. Just going through an overwhelming amount of stuff right now. This time of year is very triggering plus the other physical and emotional things that have happened recently.

I'm trying to support my little brother right now while he's still sick and now going through a divorce. We are in the middle of a major remodel of our house. The building inspecter shut us down last week. My h had a break down and I had to leave work early to care for him. But we have sugar kissed the inspecter and now back to work. It put us 2 weeks behind. We were supppose to have been drywalling by now. But Long story.

For me I stopped taking all of my medications in early Dec. So things have been a roller coaster. My insurance won't pay for my throat surgery. They said it's not bad enough for surgery right now. So that's good and bad. I go to see a new neurologist on Wed. One of my client's grandson's work for him and I've heard great things about him.

That's what's up with me, just really busy dealing with things.
Monty

[nothemama8]

[nothemama8]

bump

[__zh]

define alright or better........we're not serious but sometimes it can be that fine a determination of whether or not we're hanging by a thread or skating along through life.

right now the thread has unraveled, the ends are frayed, our grips weakens and we're sliding off....

therapy, meds and other major factors of our continued health plan have been disrupted lately and w/o those anchors the waters get choppy and our ability, or desire, to keep treading water fades.

long way of saying......nope, not feeling ok.

you? what's going on for you Zorah?

[evie114]

I am feeling overwhelmed this month so far and it's only the 10'th. I am doughting how is the world am I going to make it for the next 20 days before I get another paycheck.
Financial burdens have superseeded all other problems so far this month. They are so bad that I was even suicidal last week. Right now I am just fuctioning the best way I know how by the skin of my teeth. I am praying for a mirical, and to hold onto my sanity. I see my therapist on Monday but right now I don't know how I am going to make it until then. Well that's about all for me. Thanks for asking.

Sincerely yours
Evie

[nothemama8]

was doing great earlier today, now cycling and doing snail belly bad

[__zh]

bump

[catcoon]

<font color="purple">
((((To all here))))

Kinda an update on what's been going on with me lately:

Well, I've been having extreme flashbacks the past week or so such that I'm not getting restful sleep and sleeping only 3 to 4 hours a night. Sometimes I've been able to sleep during the day for 2 to 3 hrs, so that helps. But I've still been physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. Won't go into description on the f/b's as I don't believe it's necessary here. The important thing is acknowledging them in t which is what we've been working on. It just seems like I've had soooooo many. Keep asking T when will it be over? She says when you've had ENOUGH...I want to know when is enough? I'm a mathematical person and have loved numbers as long as I can remember. The total number of abusive episodes with my f was 1487 (don't ask me how I know, but I do count things). Lately it's been MORE stuff involving him. Ask T how much do I have to have? Answer is always--"enough"...Enough already!!! LOL! I then ask does my system think I need to have them ALL? Reply is, of course, "I don't know, just enough," by T. I'm beginning to think that because I'm a number person, maybe I DO have to get them all? Oh well, I've come too far to give up now.

Also having problems with employment...not with my supervisor, but with Administrator and workers' comp. Injured left shoulder and arm while lifting a patient in October and was put on light duty by the clinic. Was only scheduled for 16 hrs per week, can't live on 50% of salary cuz it's just me supporting myself. Went back to clinic, they said I had to see an Ortho dr. Well, last time I had to see Ortho dr of workers' comp pick it took them 8 weeks to get me in to see one---took light duty slip back to work (still Oct)---supv said only have to schedule you for what I can, workers' comp will make up difference. Don't know about your workers' comp, but ours only pays 60%--can't live on 60% of my salary. Went crying back to clinic and they put me back on full duty--took letter to supv who said okay just be careful with left arm. Have had continued pain in left arm and have seen my Primary Care Provider (PCP) for narcotics when I ran out of what clinic gave me, it was for arm and leg pain. PCP referred me to neurologist due to continued pain in legs; neurologist gave me one month on narcotic and referred me back to PCP; PCP then referred me to a pain doctor who put me on a low dose maintenance narcotic. In the meantime, I've had continued pain in left arm. I made appt to see MY ortho from 2 years ago. Couldn't see him till this past Tues, he put me on light duty--no pushing, pulling, lifting with left upper extremity--took letter to supv who said give it to Administrator which I did...I went home. Got two calls from Admin while I was out of house, got home, called her #, no ans. so left msg. Went out of house to pay rent, got back with another ans from her on my phone (this was Wed). Left house at 6am on Thurs and returned at 12 midnight. Msgs: from supv "Admin has been trying to get in touch with you for a couple of days now, what's going on?", from workers' comp "Call immediately!", and from Admin "call immediately!" Can't call at midnight, so I get up on Fri am and 1st call workers' comp--interviewed for 1 1/2 hrs with end result being, "We're not accepting your light duty--you can't work until this issue is resolved--you went out of network when you went to your own doctors--have to have records from ALL doctors you've seen then we'll decide what we're going to do--until then can't see any more doctors and can't work." Called Admin who said I have to take FMLA due to what workers' comp says. Call human resources person who says Admin already told her what to do, tell HR person to leave papers at work, I'll pick them up. Now, during the conversation with workers' comp and Admin was able to maintain, then I broke down and started howling, bawling...was bad girl again, my fault...was being punished cuz I'd been bad...all that old %#@&#! reared it's ugly head. Supv calls and leaves msg and wants to know what's going on? It's after 5pm and she's usually gone by then, no ans on her cell, so call work and she's there. Tell her about having to be on FMLA for undetermined time and she flips! Wants to know what's going on? Tell her it's about light duty and my seeing my own ortho. She still doesn't get it. So now I'm off work for undetermined amt of time--have 191 hrs of paid time off (PTO) so I won't lose any income unless this goes beyond 1 month, but I won't have any vacation this summer like I wanted, oh well! Guess I needed to take the time off now due to what's happening in my system? Who knows? I'm trying to look on the bright side, like whoopee days off! But without a structure it sure is hard to maintain a semblance of life. Right now I feel I have no purpose. But me and T are working on me.

I've said a lot. It's 5:47 am here on Mon am, so I'll try and go back to sleep for now.
Take care!
cat

[summerflower]

sleep has been nill, which causes the inevitable pain cycle to worsen.
its difficult not to damn myself for NOT doing what needs to be done or for not getting out like normal people do.

regardless, there is always tomorrow and tomorrow could be the best day!!!

wishing you peace.
summer

[__zh]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
summerflower said:
its difficult not to damn myself for NOT doing what needs to be done or for not getting out like normal people do.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> what's normal?

seriously. it can be so hard to keep from self flagellation but when one defines what their version of normal is it can be easier to stop the flogging.

here's to more acceptance and open definitions of normal!

[Jennifer1084]

Not doing so good here, just got out of hospital again and well doing better than before that but still to most people, not good. I'm trying my hardest though. Thanks for asking.

[woundedhearts]

We are sick.

[January]

zh said:

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
what's normal?

seriously. it can be so hard to keep from self flagellation but when one defines what their version of normal is it can be easier to stop the flogging.

here's to more acceptance and open definitions of normal!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Oh my goodness, zh, how true! I wouldn't know normal if it hit me in the face!

Hugs,

Jan

[Zorah]

"normal" and "natural" are meaningless words, we think

There is no way to define these terms.

You can define a variety of averages but they don't mean the same thing.

[Fuzzybear]

[nothemama8]

was doing fine until I answered a post in relationship, triggered big time , we want out

[Zorah]

{{{{{{{{{{nothemama8}}}}}}}}}}}

we all have to be very careful about the threads we read !!!

it's easy to be triggered by posts on other forums

We try to stay here on DD, where ppl understand us

We've been feeling really tempted to post on grief & loss but we know they won't understand

take care sweetie, don't read all the posts

[mlyn]

is ok as ok can be

I am decidedly not ok.

[Zorah]

That's what we thought, a lot of us aren't doing ok (whatever that means)

At the very least, it means we are feeling bad, & in our case, it means we keep swapping out

{{{{{{{{{{all members who don't feel ok}}}}}}}}}}

We know, we know, define "ok", well we can't, but we sure know when we don't feel "ok" whatever it means

[Zorah]

Lots of hugs to those who are feeling "ok" atm too.

Thanks for the dialogue, it's good to talk to each other.

[fgh]

<font color="purple">Hello. I am okay buuut sad. jj.

I am sad too, jj. We can share my umbrella if you'd like.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( Petunia ))))))))))))

(((((((((((( All who are sad )))))))))))))