What is This Feeling?

I do this thing where I begin to doubt everything I have worked so hard over the last 8 months to recapture, as if I am lying to my T, and to myself. There is a voice in me that says I am making it all up, despite evidence to the contrary. Right now, the voice is even saying that there is no real evidence. It makes me so sad and makes me feel so out of touch with myself. Why is this?

<font color="green">I can so relate to this, I am over 50 and have had to deal with stuff from when I was less than 2 years old until I was in my middle teens. However, even the abuse from later years has no real evidence or so I feel at times. Bruises are long healed and semen long ago washed away. My abusers were smart; there are no other witnesses.

So how can I have any confidence that what I remember is real? I have to look at my life, how I feel, act and how I have been effected by what I recall. How I recalled the abuse and how hard I fought to make it not true. Finally, I can look at how dealing with it in therapy has changed things. I have not arrived but I am not the victim I used to be. I am stronger, surer of whom and what I am and I have learned many skills to deal with my issues.

Trust the process and yourself.</font>

Sister, I think thats pretty common. Maybe its a defence mechinism to slow us down??? I've sat in T before and looked straight at T and said "why am I here?" I mean I've completely been wiped clean of past and present. T gives that little laugh now and peers at me, then I go "oh yeah I remmeber now" ..I guess it depends on what "part" of us is operating on any given day??? Or sometimes we feel so well we forget or dont want to remember just how bad it once was and could be again???