...oh yeah that's right, no one cares about me

I reach out to you and you don't respond or call. As a person who has the same disorder as me it would help if I could talk to you and vent, not *****, just vent. Cus no one else knows what I'm talking about when I say that I was unresponsive to my mothers tears as she worried that I was gonna harm myself and that my father, the stoic bastard actually showed emotions towards me for one of the first times in my life and I didn't even care.. It's hard not caring when I do care but not mentally and physically not being able to show that I care. Like it paralyzes me to show emotions not out of will but because that's what psychosis/depersonalization whatever you wanna call it does. I don't want a pity party I just want someone to listen to me who gets it. Thanks for not being there for me, but I get it everyone's sick of hearing my ****

Do you think it may be fear that paralyzes you so you can't show the emotion?

I thought it was fear for a while but it's not that's just a coverup so that I don't have to deal with actually feeling anything. I actually just can't do it. Like my body/mind doesn't allow me to I just don't think anyone gets it

Well I'm sorry that whoever you were talking about decided not to listen to you tonight. There's bound to be more people here overnight. Are you in the states?

Yeah I live in the midwest

Sorry, it was late last night! How are you today?

I'm okay I woke up earlier than usual to work on a group project and was able to hold a conversation with my group mates when we were done. I feel a little bit more in touch with my feelings today I'm working on being able to stay in touch with them at every second of the day

That sounds slightly better! I hope the day unfolds well for you.

Thanks I appreciate it

Having contact with the outside world can help us at times to feel "more normal". I encourage you to keep going.

No amount of time with people makes me more comfortable with them. I just can't relate and don't know what to say. I've always been like this it's a part of my social anxiety. I'm too laid pack and too comfortable with silence I could go mute and be fine with it aside from the fact that no one would be my friend