[Bipolartist]

Wow, I just had a major breakthrough. I'm bipolar and have generalized anxiety disorder. But my therapist said I most definitely have some dissociation going on, like weird little moments of blackout where I'll be in a conversation with someone and just zone out hard and I'm still talking, but I don't remember a word I said. My therapist wants to explore this. I've been wanting to write about it, but not until I get my thoughts straight.

I'm always scared to death of myself and everyone. Just my thoughts, I would never do anything crazy. But it's like something inside me wants to get me in trouble, so I'm terrified at all times that I'll get into some kind of trouble.

I have these awful anxiety thoughts, like how sad it would be to throw a drink in someone's face, or what if I just slapped someone. Like I'm always aware of how easy it would be to get into trouble by hurting someone. Again, I would never do that and I don't enjoy seeing another person hurt, the thoughts make me so scared and so sad.

Does anyone else relate? I really need some feedback. I wonder if anyone with dissociation can relate to what I just realized.

Hey.

Aside from the blank out stuff, it could be dissociation, but it sounds like conflicts. Conflicts are a huge them in psychoanalytic therapy (the kind i'm in). Conflicts, i think, can manifest on a scale ranging from dichotomy to dissociation.

Dichotomy I guess is like the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other. You are aware of the 2 opposing themes. Dissociation, on the other hand, can be where the angel or the devil takes you over and you cannot control it and/or you are unaware of it. Sometimes you might be aware of the other ego state, but other times, like in DID, you might have amnesia about the other ego state when it inhabitates/takes over your self.

So many people have conficts, but it can be extreme like in dissociation. Some people can lean towards one or the other. Sometimes it takes years to realize you have a dissociated ego state. When it surfaces, it can be scary. I didn't realize I had these until after starting intense psychotherapy.

Not sure if that helped, but hope it does somewhat. Take care.

Originally Posted by Bipolartist

I'm always scared to death of myself and everyone. Just my thoughts, I would never do anything crazy. But it's like something inside me wants to get me in trouble, so I'm terrified at all times that I'll get into some kind of trouble.

p.s. Amandalouise should be coming along any moment now to explain things better than I did. haha

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Bipolartist

Wow, I just had a major breakthrough. I'm bipolar and have generalized anxiety disorder. But my therapist said I most definitely have some dissociation going on, like weird little moments of blackout where I'll be in a conversation with someone and just zone out hard and I'm still talking, but I don't remember a word I said. My therapist wants to explore this. I've been wanting to write about it, but not until I get my thoughts straight.

I'm always scared to death of myself and everyone. Just my thoughts, I would never do anything crazy. But it's like something inside me wants to get me in trouble, so I'm terrified at all times that I'll get into some kind of trouble.

I have these awful anxiety thoughts, like how sad it would be to throw a drink in someone's face, or what if I just slapped someone. Like I'm always aware of how easy it would be to get into trouble by hurting someone. Again, I would never do that and I don't enjoy seeing another person hurt, the thoughts make me so scared and so sad.

Does anyone else relate? I really need some feedback. I wonder if anyone with dissociation can relate to what I just realized.

the spacing/fogging out here in NY, the one in the USA as opposed to other locations can be many things including stress, anxiety and yes dissociation depending upon other accompanying symptoms. I dont use the word black out because it isnt used here in NY in relation to dissociation due to the diagnostic criteria for dissociative problems say "black outs" have to be ruled out. here black outs means a person gets so drunk or has used drugs to such an extreme their brain physically can not function correctly. here where I live and work the term black outs also means to lose consciousness because of a seizure disorder which again has to be ruled out for the diagnostics of a dissociative disorder here in NY.

the other stuff of imagining doing hateful/harmful/...things to others like you described is not considered a dissociation problem here where I live and work. its called by many other names though...psychosis, an anger issue, over active imagination, hallucination, delusion, mania, obsessive thoughts.........depending upon other accompanying symptoms.

I have dissociation problems where I sometimes fade when talking to others which is part of my dissociative disorders.....

and have had obsessive/compulsive/manic thoughts and hallucinations of the such thoughts you posted about as part of my bipolar disorder manic phase and not part of my dissociative disorders.

my suggestion if this continues to bother you talk with your treatment providers, they will explain to you which of your symptoms are dissociation and which are part of your bipolar disorder.