[Healing the Damage]

Hi,
My friend pointed out to me multiple times over the past year or so where we would be talking about something, and then I'd just start rambling about stuff that happened in my past, and then I'd just completely stop making sense. She said that it was as though I completely shut down, and couldn't comprehend anything, etc. But I don't remember this ever happening.

I was told (by my psychiatrist) that it is probably that I'm getting triggered and having flashbacks from my PTSD, and then dissociating during the flashbacks. But he hasn't really done anything to try to help me with it at all. He hasn't said much about it at all, actually, other than to say that he thinks I'm dissociating.

I'm not sure how to help prevent this, or cope with it, or... anything.

I'd greatly appreciate some ideas on things to try to help prevent me from dissociating, or knowing when I am so that I can stop it, or how to stop it if I am dissociating.

Thanks

[kaliope]

I would like that information for myself...lol

I am not surprised your pdoc had nothing to offer you. I see a t that specializes in dissociation, DID, and she is always telling me how many in the field don't know much about it. I spent three years going nuts with a t who ignored my trauma and all the signs of my DID before I found her. she assures me my pdoc knows nothing about it so I don't even talk about it to her.

I am not sure there is an answer other than dealing with the trauma that is triggered so that you aren't triggered by it any more. but we have so many triggers how is that even possible? I am a professional and worry about dissociating at work all the time. just a few days ago I was teaching a class and was triggered by a bunch of bread that was stored in the room. it was the worse thing I have experienced in a long time. no idea what my problem with bread is. eat it all the time...lol...so with no way to predict a trigger, how can we possibly prepare?

so I think it is just a matter of working on our trauma as much as possible so we can be free of it. if we feel safe, we wont feel the need to dissociate. that is what it comes down to for me anyway, is safety.

take care

[Healing the Damage]

Originally Posted by kaliope

I would like that information for myself...lol

I am not surprised your pdoc had nothing to offer you. I see a t that specializes in dissociation, DID, and she is always telling me how many in the field don't know much about it. I spent three years going nuts with a t who ignored my trauma and all the signs of my DID before I found her. she assures me my pdoc knows nothing about it so I don't even talk about it to her.

I am not sure there is an answer other than dealing with the trauma that is triggered so that you aren't triggered by it any more. but we have so many triggers how is that even possible? I am a professional and worry about dissociating at work all the time. just a few days ago I was teaching a class and was triggered by a bunch of bread that was stored in the room. it was the worse thing I have experienced in a long time. no idea what my problem with bread is. eat it all the time...lol...so with no way to predict a trigger, how can we possibly prepare?

so I think it is just a matter of working on our trauma as much as possible so we can be free of it. if we feel safe, we wont feel the need to dissociate. that is what it comes down to for me anyway, is safety.

take care

My therapist and I haven't even managed to start working on any of the trauma or anything that causes the PTSD, which causes the flashbacks, which causes the dissociation. It's more like therapy is damage control for the present. I haven't managed to talk to her about the dissociation much at all, although she brought it up once, because apparently I was at a session dissociated back in February.

Thanks for your ideas and suggestions though. I think it might be a while yet before I feel safe with things though, so it might be a while before I can start doing anything about this.

[innocentjoy]

Before being up to working on trauma it's important to have enough coping skills to manage the extra stress. My supports have worked a lot in grounding (ie finding ways to keep yourself in the present - breathing, holding into a stone, feeling your feet on the floor, anything that keeps your mind in your body and in the present moment) and creating safety, whether it's a physical place or a place you imagine in your head. They've had me practice this often during no stress times, and then slowly increase the stress so that I can do it when I'm in flashback mode. It takes a lot of work sometimes, but it's something you could do without having to tackle the trauma. Just a thought, you could search both things online as well, there's tons of info out there on both.

[ChildlikeEmpress]

I love the idea of practicing going to your safe place. How do you slowly increase the stress level? Think of things are that stressful, starting on the mild side? I need to practice all this as well, as I also default to dissociation... seems like anything can set it off.

[innocentjoy]

Increasing the stress level would be using something that is frustrating but not triggering, which is different for everyone. For me, I might get a little stressed if it's raining and I wanted to go for a walk. It's not emotionally triggering for me, but gets me disappointed. So finding those things for yourself. Glad the idea helped!

[amandalouise]

I have never dissociated during a flashback, here where I live and work the definition of a flashback is reliving an event traumatic or not. in other words fully experiencing that event with any or all of the senses. Where as the definition of dissociating here where I live and work is to numb out, space out, shut out,

put those two definitions to work together one cancels out the other. you cant fully experience something if you are numb, spaced out, shut out what is happening.

example halloween night my children and I were going door to door in the neighborhood. I saw a child dressed up as a miner. that caused me to have a flashback of being back in the mine shaft with my abuser. I relived that event fully...smelled the musty smell of the mine, sensed the darkness, heard my abusers voice, felt the pain of the abuse.

if I had dissociated myself from that I would not have smelled the mine shaft smells, would not have seen the darkness and my abuser, would not havefelt the abuse ..the flashback would have not affected me at all because I would have been numb, spaced out.

I have had times when I was with other people and had a flashback where I started fully reliving an event. when I came back from reliving the event my friends would be wondering what or why I had said something or done something. but here where I live it is not called dissociation to do that when having a flashback. here its just reliving a traumatic event (a flashback)

my suggestion if this continues to bother you contact your treatment providers, they can help you make a list of things that is calming /self nurturing to you for these times. my own list of what to do when having a flashback is to find a quiet place, remind myself that that was then this is now and everything is ok, then do something calming nice for myself, Halloween night I reminded myself I wasnt in the mineshaft that I was out trick or treating with my children and then I focused on my childrens voices, and gave my children a hug and went back to enjoying their excitement.

[innocentjoy]

A lot of people start to have a flashback and their body can't handle the intensity and dissociate in order to protect themselves, the way they did when the abuse actually happens. Something triggers the flashback and the flashback triggers the dissociation. If you want to get technical, no they may not be happening simultaneously, but they do happen together often, side by side.

Everyone has their own experience and while it's important to have terms and diagnoses to go by, the DSM is limited to terms and definitions and greatly discounts actual human experiences (emotions, individual expression, etc.) - at least in my opinion.

Despite the technicality of the terms, I think most people can relate to the situation being described. Developing and inner sense of safety and learning how to ground yourself, along with different techniques to learn to tolerate the more extreme emotions can be really helpful. It can make the flashbacks seem less real, and more manageable over time.

[Healing the Damage]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

innocent - I've tried grounding before, and I'm either not doing it right, or it isn't helping. I do appreciate the suggestion though. Is it possible that it would just not work? Or is it more likely that I just need to practice it more?

I'm not sure how I could increase my stress levels as they're already pretty high, and it seems like anything additional sets off something going on (triggered, flashback, dissociate, etc).

I can definitely try to bring it up with my therapist or psychiatrist though, as I see both of them within the next week.

amanda - I know what the definitions of both are. What I mean is that I will get triggered and then start having flashbacks (fully reliving the stuff), and then at some point, there's just... nothing. And my friends have said that when that happens, I am completely unaware of anything, I can't comprehend anything, I just shut down, and then I have no recollection of anything. Which is basically what you've said is dissociation. I've brought it up to my psychiatrist and he has said that I am dissociating because of the flashbacks and PTSD. I've just not been given any ideas on how to help with it, thus asking here.

innocent (again lol :P) - Thank you for explaining that so well, I don't think I'd have been able to do it that well.

[innocentjoy]

Glad it was a tiny bit helpful, at least! You might be starting to practice grounding at too high of a stress level. It's hard to learn a skill when stress levels are already really high. For a lot of people it helps to start at those (sometimes rare) moments when you already feel calm and safe. Or have someone go through it with you. Then after you can manage it well in no stress, that's when the slow increases start. If you have no times when you feel really calm, it might be more important to focus on finding a sense of safety somewhere, with someone trustworthy, etc.

The other thing is that there are so many different ways of grounding, you might also be using a way that just doesn't work. Grounding can be breathing and thinking in your head, which doesn't work for me bit works for some people. Again, it's what works. Think if your five senses, and anything that tastes, smells, feels, sounds or looks safe and reassuring. I will use a cough candy bc it is strong taste and keeps me present, or a wet cloth in my face. I also have stones, cinnamon to smell, etc. Not everything works all the time, but I keep different things with me to keep me here. Sometimes I get so numb I need to kind of 'shock' my senses in a way that uses things that I find soothing and have no negative memories, like a cup of tea that smells reassuring. I can feel the warmth, hold it for comfort, smell the flavoured and taste it as well. Plus I have to do it slowly bc it's so hot. Not saying any of these things will work for you, but to give you an idea of the different ways.

Maybe you could brainstorm a list of each of the senses and see where that leads you. It might give you an option that you haven't thought of before. Experiment a bit to find what works and doesn't work for you.
Hope that gives you an idea of something to try!!
IJ

[Gr3tta]

I often think there is just some misunderstanding between the terms "dissociation," "flashback," and having another "out."