Feeling scared.

I have been talking to some of my parts lately. Then I had a thought..... what if this is all imaginary and not real? What if I don't have aspects of DID? What if I am just making it it all up as I go along? What if I am just playing one big game?

I feel scared. I feel like I have to push all the parts away. I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry you are feeling like that. Did anything trigger this? In a way I guess our parts are made up because they were created by us sorta? But instead of made up, I think they are all pieces of us.

when I get to wondering about what is real and what isnt I talk with my treatment providers, they explain to me what my diagnosis's are and why I have been diagnosed that way. this usually clears up the doubts /questions. another thing that helps is that I remember part of the diagnostics for DID is that reality testing remains intact which means that if I take time to clear my mind, calm down, relax I know whats real and what isnt. for me that meant after my mind calms down I just automatically know deep down that my alters were real, they were parts of me and still are parts of me just in a different way now that Im integrated.

suggestion if this continues to bother contact your treatment providers or a treatment provider in your location. they can help you to discover what is real and what isnt and if need be help you go through diagnostic testing to rule in or out the diagnosis. that way you will know one way or the other whether your alters are real or not. whether you still have DID or not.

I feel that way a lot too.

I think the most useful thing anyone's ever said to me when I felt like I was making it up was, "So what if you are?" This was my therapist on an inpatient trauma unit, and at first I thought she was way out of line. But she pointed out that engaging with my parts wouldn't cause any harm if I made them up, but if I hadn't made them up, then pushing them away could do tremendous harm. Everyone has parts of themselves, although the average person's parts are more integrated. But engaging in dialogue with my parts isn't really that much different than a person debating with themselves about conflicting desires. It's just a little farther along the spectrum.

I emailed my T about it and this was the answer I got.

"I guess by definition imaginary friends aren't real, but that doesn't mean they are pointless or wrong".

I have a tendency to see things in opposites. No middle ground. I'm either doing things right or wrong. I feel confused. I don't remember having any imaginary friends when I was little. I don't think I could stop the voices in my head or stop them when they push their way out of my mouth. Imaginary friends aren't something that grownups do?

I suppose this is just another part of an my ongoing internal acceptance over where I am at.

your question....some grownups have imaginary friends others do not. theres nothing wrong with it. they are just different from having DID type alters. sometimes very similar but yet different. keep working with your therapist and things will fall into place for you and the confusion will end.

I'm still figuring all this out with my T, and I feel like that too. It feels unreal a lot of the time. I think geis is right though, it would be more damaging to push the parts away. Whatever is going on, it's probably better to have good internal communication.
Hard to accept all this, I know...

When I have had this thought almost immediately I would get feelings of hurt. like I just said something mean to someone. The feelings are real along with the thoughts that come with them. My parts are real for me. And that is all that really matters. And I will work with my parts for as long as we all want to or until we decide to all move into the present. I hope you feel better.

I am seeing my T this coming Monday so I will be chatting with him about this. I need to write questions down so I don't forget to ask them.

"When I have had this thought almost immediately I would get feelings of hurt. like I just said something mean to someone". (Claritytoo).

I wondered about my hurt feeling too. Like being rejected.
I haven't done anything to push them away. I hope things settle soon.

I usually say I am sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings. We are all still learning. I think it is a good idea to write down your questions. Take care.

OMG,,,,,,,,,,so years ago I worried I was DID based on some stuff T said and I threw myself into a mania building a case to support it. T blew me off. He didn't address it or my trauma with a ten foot pole. Needless to say I just got progressively worse. Now I am with a t who specializes in trauma. I told her about the voices in my head and she immediately went to DID. With hypnosis we have revealed more parts then the ones I "knew" about. But I often think I am making it all up. that it is all imaginary. just a big game. that none of it is real. that I am making a fool out of me and t. I have never had the courage to tell t this. how do I know it is real? I feel like I would feel like a different person when my alters talk, but I don't. why nott? sometimes I act a little differently, like wringing my hands, tapping my fingers, but is that a sign of an alter? this is all so confusing..........

I think you should tell t how you feel. There's no reason not to ask for clarifications about your diagnosis. I think its perfectly okay to talk about these feelings.