***possible trigger**sister called with bizarre upsetting news

**trigger possible***we aren't doing well. This is so bizarre. The creepy funeral home that cremated our brother (who died in 2012) contacted my sister saying there was a box left addressed to her saying it had pictures of him and was left by someone that wasn't comfortable contact ing her( my Sis) directly. Well we knew that was our mom bc we are scared of her and she doesn't have our ph numbers or address es. She tried to kill us as kids and believe she probably killed our brother but couldn't prove it. Actually my experience with my mom was that when I got older she stopped the trying to kill me with butcher knives and banging head into walls etc and start ed grooming me to kill myself so when the police thought our brother shot himself I just wasn't sure whether she actually pulled the trigger. It's really complicated. But I was at peace with not knowing. It was 50/50. But based on the "box of crazy" my sister picked up from the funeral home , we are sure our mom killed him. I was close to forgive ing her. We were just settling down. Now it feels like he died all over again. Everyone is buzzing around in my brain.we all need something. Some want a cup of tea. Some want a beer (we don't drink anymore) one want rum and coke. One wants jogging ( can't asthma and arthritis in knees and ankles) . Another wants to scream her head off - umm where is it ok to do this? Another wants to punch and kick one of those self defense dummies-not in the class anymore. Another wants to cut-we don't do that anymore. So far we've walked the dog, ate chocolate and watched a bad*** Liam neilsenmovie , and gave myself a mini pedicure. And read scripture and drank a diet coke and took my meds for the night. %8@%+#?&$?&$/+$+%@!@348008!1!! That's me swearing. I was gonna say nothing is helping but my new rescue dog is cuddle d by my feet. She's a little soothing. She's really big. Her teeth are Sharp. She's half German shepherd. She will put a hurt in on any bad people like my mom if they try to get in the house. She's tough , like me. Everyone gave up on her. But they overlooked the best dog there. They neglected her and threw her away. I guess I should be grateful they took her to the pound. Our mom lack d all maternal instincts she threw us away, tried to kill our earthly bodies, our spirit s and souls. She wanted to own us control us. But in the end, you can't own someone's soul or spirit. The only thing she succeeded at was killing my brother's body and in doing so, I believe she lost whatever little bit of a pure spirit or soul she had left.and she has made me almost fearless. Everything bad I used to fear and then many I never even imagine d I needed to fear she has perpetrated. At this point I say what s the worst that could happen and usually say, "meh"

Sounds like you're dealing with a lot. Good job using self care and soothing yourself to help. That's hard to do sometimes and you're doing a wonderful job with it. Keep doing those things, even if it feels like it's not helping. It will in time. Hang in there

Thank you. We talk tough. But we feel like we are losing our minds.

Were the pictures in the box nice ones? Are you or your sister glad you ended up with them? Wish I could help more but I'm here. Listening, reading and writing.

Am so sorry for the loss of your brother.
Also sorry for loss/lack of the childhood you should have had.

i am sorry for the loss of your brother too!!!How old was he? It is nice you have a good dog to keep you company, they help alot. i hope you can feel better soon!!

I'm sorry that you're having to go through this sweety. I feel for the loss of your brother. I hope the truth comes out and justice prevails. You and you're sister stay safe and secure out of harms way. I'm glad that you have a furry friend to give you some comfort. I'm glad to see you are making all the right decisions based on staying safe.

(((((hugs))))))

that is a lot to deal with

That's why it was a "box of crazy." There were no pictures of my brother. There was only one picture of our mom with our aunts and uncles from the 70's and then commentary on which ones were dead and that she (our mom) thought one was gay. She's fascinated by sex. ThenThen a bunch of little pieces of paper with notes on them (where two pieces would be stapled together). And a long letter to me, another to my sister. My sister is iseping the family photo for me bc I like geneology and throwing the rest of the box away. Oh and there was my dead aunt's Garth Brook's CD. Odd. Very odd. I liked that aunt very much but don't want the CD. It's tainted by everything, you know?

Sounds like a box of crazy. Did you read the letter? It's a shame to get rid of a CD because of it's source. Free music.

I too am sorry about your brother.