[theres_always_hope]

After a traumatizing breakup with a long term love I woke up one morning feeling "different." I couldn't describe or comprehend the feeling, I was just terrified that something wasn't right. A year later, this has become my new "Normal." It started on & off like during stress & at night but would be gone in the morning. Now the feeling never goes away & I'm scared to death it could be permanent. The best way I can describe it is that I'm not fully awake or my life is a dream or a play and life itself isn't real. If that makes any sense. I feel like I'm going crazy to be honest. I have 20/20 vision but I see blurry clouded foggy tunnel vision & sometimes overly sensitive to sun & lights. I constantly feel like I'm floating or swimming on autopilot with no real emotions. I have zero suicidal thoughts or hallucinations but I get random chills of unexplained fear & paranoia especially when showering & going out in public alone. I've never experienced anything traumatizing that I remember but I was diagnosed with anxiety at age 7 & depression at 15. I hate this feeling! I feel trapped in a fog, distant, numb & disconnected with life itself. I tried explaining to several doctors psychiatrists but no real diagnosis was made. Can anyone help me understand what I'm going through? I feel so alone & terrified & like no one could possibly understand. I want to feel human again! I want my life back. I can't leave my apartment or be alone ever, I've lost 2 jobs, the only social interaction I have is with my boyfriend who lives with me but our relationship is strained because I am so distant. Can anyone please help? Thank you for reading.

I would definitely speak to another psychiatrist as they are the only ones that may be able to do something. When you speak to them, distinctly ask about the possibility of a dissociative disorder. As they aren't as common as depression and bipolar, it may not be that they can't diagnose, but they are overlooking the less common answers. Are you currently taking any medications? Recreational drugs?

[divine1966]

I don't have exact same feeling but after I left my long term bf last year I often do not feel myself. I have a combination of anxiety depression mania inability to concentrate or make sane decisions all wrapped into one. I do feel different as well. My t says I have severe adjustment disorder crisis after the break up.

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[theres_always_hope]

Originally Posted by ChaoticInsanity

I would definitely speak to another psychiatrist as they are the only ones that may be able to do something. When you speak to them, distinctly ask about the possibility of a dissociative disorder. As they aren't as common as depression and bipolar, it may not be that they can't diagnose, but they are overlooking the less common answers. Are you currently taking any medications? Recreational drugs?

Im taking 60mg Cymbalta & 50mg Lamictal for anxiety & depression. Also 30mg Adderall XR for motivation, not really add. No rec drugs just smoke weed occasionally for insomnia.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by theres_always_hope

After a traumatizing breakup with a long term love I woke up one morning feeling "different." I couldn't describe or comprehend the feeling, I was just terrified that something wasn't right. A year later, this has become my new "Normal." It started on & off like during stress & at night but would be gone in the morning. Now the feeling never goes away & I'm scared to death it could be permanent. The best way I can describe it is that I'm not fully awake or my life is a dream or a play and life itself isn't real. If that makes any sense. I feel like I'm going crazy to be honest. I have 20/20 vision but I see blurry clouded foggy tunnel vision & sometimes overly sensitive to sun & lights. I constantly feel like I'm floating or swimming on autopilot with no real emotions. I have zero suicidal thoughts or hallucinations but I get random chills of unexplained fear & paranoia especially when showering & going out in public alone. I've never experienced anything traumatizing that I remember but I was diagnosed with anxiety at age 7 & depression at 15. I hate this feeling! I feel trapped in a fog, distant, numb & disconnected with life itself. I tried explaining to several doctors psychiatrists but no real diagnosis was made. Can anyone help me understand what I'm going through? I feel so alone & terrified & like no one could possibly understand. I want to feel human again! I want my life back. I can't leave my apartment or be alone ever, I've lost 2 jobs, the only social interaction I have is with my boyfriend who lives with me but our relationship is strained because I am so distant. Can anyone please help? Thank you for reading.

well we cant tell you what this is only a treatment provider in your location can tell you what this is and how to help you. what I can tell you is that this can be any number of things. if you googled your symptoms you wouldprobably end up with thousands/millions of pages of results from normal to mid life crisis, to just about every mental or physical health problem there is.

examples in me this was called psychosis, MS (multiple Sclerosis) depression, bipolar disorder, and many other things too....the help I recieved for it was many depending upon what was causing it...sometimes medication worked, sometimes adjusting my diet and sleep worked, physical and mental health therapies....

my suggestion if this continues to bother you contact a treatment provider in your off line location they will be able to assess what this is with in you and how to best treat it so that you can soon start feeling better.

[-jimi-]

I have had very vague episodes with depersonalization and derealization, I don't think I am alone here. With you it seems to have persisted.

I hope you find someone who had the same that can help you. Just knowing you're not alone helps a little. Good luck.

What you are describing is so characteristic of depersonalization and derealization. It can be scary, I can understand that. Do you have a therapist? I highly recommend it. I don't know if you let your boyfriend in on your condition, but I would recommend it so he doesn't perceive it to be something it's not. I hope you get well hun,

[theres_always_hope]

Thank you so much for all your replies. I have told my boyfriend everything & luckily has 100% understanding & supportive. Im currently trying to find a therapist i can connect with.

Originally Posted by theres_always_hope

Thank you so much for all your replies. I have told my boyfriend everything & luckily has 100% understanding & supportive. Im currently trying to find a therapist i can connect with.

Awesome! You don't know how lucky and special your boyfriend is girlfriend! I'm so happy for you because most aren't so lucky including me. It's making me tear thinking about it!

[theres_always_hope]

Thank you so much. Makes me realize I should be more grateful for what I have & I sincerely hope you find the same.
❤❤❤

[avlady]

that's great your boyfriend is so understanding!!!