[TheFuZZieONE]

Hello, as the title of this thread states, I'm new here. I just registered about five minutes ago. Let me just say, I'm SO happy to have found an online support group/forum for people with DID. I've been suffering with this disorder for years before I really figured out what was wrong with me. At first I was in denial. Then I had a nervous breakdown when I realized how sick in the head I really was. I felt alone and scared and didn't know where to turn. Even the thought of therapy scared me. During my nervous breakdown I desperately searched for some sort of support group, and was extremely upset when I couldn't find anything. I felt so alone. I thought, "Wow, I'm so messed up in the head they don't even have support groups for people like me!!" Now I found a group with people actively posting!! Let's just say I'm super excited.

My story s long, drawn out and crazy. And I'm sure all of your stories are just as crazy as mine. I started a blog where I talk about my issues from start to finish. If anyone's interested, imbox me and I'll send you the link. I'd really like some feedback on it if anyone cares. Currently I'm seeing a therapist, spiritual counselor and a psychiatrist. I'm taking Lexapro for my PTSD and right now I feel my symptoms are under control, but that's not always the case. Just last week I was sleeping all day and crying from desperation and loneliness. It just feels like no one understands, and like I'm unfixable.

One of the things that set me off last week was my therapist telling me she didn't think she could help me. She said she's never dealt with DID, and she "couldn't wrap her head around my case." I felt rejected, but I've been working on myself by myself anyway. Its nice to have found people who can relate to me. I've read that some psychologists don't believe DID is real, and I can understand why. I probably wouldn't believe either if it wasn't happening to me.

My major issue is that I have a sinister alter ego who takes over when I'm drunk or sleeping. I quit drinking January of 2014 in order to control my alter, but now she keeps me awake at night talking. It happens every night. Its the same personality that took over when I drank. It seems like my dominant personality can't be taken over unless its in a weakened state. For example, last July I was ran over by a truck. When I laid down my head to die, my alter took over and stayed awake until the ambulance came.

The issue with my alter is she is always trying to sabatoge me in dangerous ways. Once she gave out my personal info to strangers and told them to "stalk" me. My life has never been the same since. I mean... Who can you trust if you casn't trust yourself? My alters also sabatoges my relationships too. Its as if she is trying to ruin my life so I give up and she can take over. I'm just too strong to let her win when I'm awake, so she is taking drastic measures.

Ugh... This is all so upsetting. I'm not sure if anyone has a similar issues with their DID. If you do, please share. Or you can just stop by to say hi and introduce yourself. I hope to establish real connections in here with people who understand.

Thanks for listening,

Jen :-)

[Claritytoo]

Welcome to the site. It is interesting how the alter who tries to put you in bad situations is the same alter who saved you after you were struck by a truck.She sounds like a helper. Do you have conversations with her? Have you asked her about herself? It is great that you stopped drinking. That change may be causing her to not be able to fall asleep. She may not be being mean by talking to you all night. Maybe she is having a difficult time falling a sleep. I am not suggesting you drink! But maybe music or leaving the tv on will help her to fall asleep. I think it might help if you ask her about herself and not to judge her. Sometime an alter just wants to be acknowledged for more than their actions. I hope things get better between you and her.

[TheFuZZieONE]

Hi Clairitytoo,

Thank you so much for the response! I never thought that my alter could be a helper, but I will give that idea some thought. As for the sleep issue I'm actively looking for ways to get better sleep. A friend of mine takes a supplement called "Iron Dream" that's supposed to help with deep sleep cycles, and I'm going to try it myself. It would be SO nice to at least get one good night sleep.

In regards to my alter, I'm not sure if I have one or more than one since they are all me. We share the same name, age and life experiences it seems, so its hard to tell us apart. What I do know is other me's can take over and act/say things that I would never do. My spiritual counselor and I theorize at least one of my alters is a teenage girl, and she probably came about from some trauma I experience when I was 18. So far I haven't been able to communicate with any alters, instead all I can do is get glimpses of memories of what I said or did in an altered state.

The good news is I recently started hearing voices in my head, and I heard that was a positive sign when you have DID. I'm guessing the voices are my alters though, and I'm one step closer to being able to communicate with them. I will try to not judge my alter by her actions though, but its hard. I blame them for ruining my life, but I understand they are just a piece of me. They do and say bad things though and disrupt my life, not to mention my sleep!!

Again, thank you so much for your insight!! I truely appreciate you reading my post and responding.

Hi! Welcome to the funny farm!

I've only been here a short while too and it's amazing to find others like me! Trying to find an active forum for this disorder is hard. I like to talk so I'm around a lot.

It's interesting to hear that your "sinister" alter comes out when your drinking. I have the same situation happening also. You described it exactly how I described it in another post. After a little bit of alcohol, the mind and body is relaxed, and the Angry Man escapes his cage. Time disappears and come to find out he told my partner what every alter thinks about her. He rants and raves like a maniac. I've seen a glimpse of it for a second before I went out. He's a real jerk. My partner keeps asking what drugs am I on to be switching like that. I keep saying that I have parts but she doesn't believe it. We finally got the Angry Man back under chains. He hasn't been out in a few weeks. We're also trying to quit drinking too, but not quite just yet.

I'd say most of has a pact to take care of the body. Of course there a few renegades that likes to do things their way, but we've got those tied up also. Besides their times has passed. Our life doesn't require them at this moment. They are leftovers of several past lives.

Glad that you are here and hope to hear more of your story!

[TheFuZZieONE]

Originally Posted by TheFuZZieONE

Hello, as the title of this thread states, I'm new here. I just registered about five minutes ago. Let me just say, I'm SO happy to have found an online support group/forum for people with DID. I've been suffering with this disorder for years before I really figured out what was wrong with me. At first I was in denial. Then I had a nervous breakdown when I realized how sick in the head I really was. I felt alone and scared and didn't know where to turn. Even the thought of therapy scared me. During my nervous breakdown I desperately searched for some sort of support group, and was extremely upset when I couldn't find anything. I felt so alone. I thought, "Wow, I'm so messed up in the head they don't even have support groups for people like me!!" Now I found a group with people actively posting!! Let's just say I'm super excited.

My story s long, drawn out and crazy. And I'm sure all of your stories are just as crazy as mine. I started a blog where I talk about my issues from start to finish. If anyone's interested, imbox me and I'll send you the link. I'd really like some feedback on it if anyone cares. Currently I'm seeing a therapist, spiritual counselor and a psychiatrist. I'm taking Lexapro for my PTSD and right now I feel my symptoms are under control, but that's not always the case. Just last week I was sleeping all day and crying from desperation and loneliness. It just feels like no one understands, and like I'm unfixable.

One of the things that set me off last week was my therapist telling me she didn't think she could help me. She said she's never dealt with DID, and she "couldn't wrap her head around my case." I felt rejected, but I've been working on myself by myself anyway. Its nice to have found people who can relate to me. I've read that some psychologists don't believe DID is real, and I can understand why. I probably wouldn't believe either if it wasn't happening to me.

My major issue is that I have a sinister alter ego who takes over when I'm drunk or sleeping. I quit drinking January of 2014 in order to control my alter, but now she keeps me awake at night talking. It happens every night. Its the same personality that took over when I drank. It seems like my dominant personality can't be taken over unless its in a weakened state. For example, last July I was ran over by a truck. When I laid down my head to die, my alter took over and stayed awake until the ambulance came.

The issue with my alter is she is always trying to sabatoge me in dangerous ways. Once she gave out my personal info to strangers and told them to "stalk" me. My life has never been the same since. I mean... Who can you trust if you casn't trust yourself? My alters also sabatoges my relationships too. Its as if she is trying to ruin my life so I give up and she can take over. I'm just too strong to let her win when I'm awake, so she is taking drastic measures.

Ugh... This is all so upsetting. I'm not sure if anyone has a similar issues with their DID. If you do, please share. Or you can just stop by to say hi and introduce yourself. I hope to establish real connections in here with people who understand.

Thanks for listening,

Jen :-)

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Hi! Welcome to the funny farm!

I've only been here a short while too and it's amazing to find others like me! Trying to find an active forum for this disorder is hard. I like to talk so I'm around a lot.

It's interesting to hear that your "sinister" alter comes out when your drinking. I have the same situation happening also. You described it exactly how I described it in another post. After a little bit of alcohol, the mind and body is relaxed, and the Angry Man escapes his cage. Time disappears and come to find out he told my partner what every alter thinks about her. He rants and raves like a maniac. I've seen a glimpse of it for a second before I went out. He's a real jerk. My partner keeps asking what drugs am I on to be switching like that. I keep saying that I have parts but she doesn't believe it. We finally got the Angry Man back under chains. He hasn't been out in a few weeks. We're also trying to quit drinking too, but not quite just yet.

I'd say most of has a pact to take care of the body. Of course there a few renegades that likes to do things their way, but we've got those tied up also. Besides their times has passed. Our life doesn't require them at this moment. They are leftovers of several past lives.

Glad that you are here and hope to hear more of your story!

Alwayschanging2,

I can't tell you how happy I am to find someone with almost my same exact issue!! I first started noticing the alters when I drank. I'm normally a happy drunk, but then it was as if someone flipped a switch and I became someone else. First I would always discuss a trauma which happened when I was 18. Then I would rant and rave like a lunatic and engage in risky behavior. I would not remember most of these incidents either. I knew these weren't normal blackouts. From what I read, DID blackouts are not the same as alcohol induced blackouts, but nowhere does it say what happens when a dissasociative person drinks! I believe the mind is relaxed making it easier to switch!!

The kicker was when I quit drinking and started sleep talking. It was like I no longer had an outlet, and my mind created one. I've also been able to bring out the alter by meditating. Its all so crazy. If I were you I'd be careful when you stop drinking altogether. The Angry Man might finotherer outlets, or you might form new personalities. By all means I think you should quit drinking if you're ready, but try and create a plan for expressing The Angry Man. I quit drinkinandn hopes to control myself, but have found myself more out of control than ever!!

Again, thanks for your response, and I hope to hear more from you :-)

p.s. I read your post about drinking and The Angry Man but didn't understand until you explained.

[TheFuZZieONE]

I keep waiting for more replies, but sadly, I've only gotten two :'( but at least they are two good ones :-)

[possum220]

Hi, TheFuzzieOne.

My name is Possum and I live in Australia.

Glad you have found us. Having DID has so many confusing facets. This place has been great for support and information for me. I hope you will find this a good place of comfort and solace.

PC itself also covers lots of areas that you may find helpful. Please sit down and pull up a chair.

See you around.

Originally Posted by TheFuZZieONE

I keep waiting for more replies, but sadly, I've only gotten two :'( but at least they are two good ones :-)

Out of all the forums I've found online, this is the more active one. The other one hadn't have posts for months!

Everyone will pop up here and then.

[TheFuZZieONE]

Please excuse my typos when posting from my phone. Lol. When I go back and read my posts, I'm appalled at how autocorrect butchered my sentences. I wish there was a way to edit the posts after the fact.