Cooperation or integration

I was looking at a blog and and it suggested a concept of living was through integration or co-operation of all the parts. I'm happy to say at least that's where I'm at is co-operation, minus all the renegades from the years past. They went on to suggest that living this way (co-op) is just as productive as being, if not effectively better then be integrated. I don't know. I don't see integration any time in our future. We're too busy trying to pay rent and foods. I'm lucky that everytime I go to pick up my bipolar meds it's been free so far. I'm just grateful that we can almost make a good decision.

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There is no way we would ever integrate. We have worked hard for a lot of years to learn to get along and that works for us. And we would miss each other too mucn if amy of us wasn t here.

My wish is for integration. I don't have a personal relationship with my alters and don't think I'll miss them when they're gone. It might be different if I was more conscious of their presence, but I'm not. I'm not sure if integration will work for me, but that's my goal.

This has been my normal for the last 47 years, and to change it would throw me way out of my comfort zone. It's scary even thinking abut it. Some of them already told me that they don't want to integrate. If I was younger I probably would being that there would still be a lot of life left. I've beat this body up by drinking, drugging, smoking, broken bones, burns and scars. I don't feel like I've got much left to live. How can you miss something that you've never had?

for me there was no question of whether to choose cooperation or integration. integration just happened as a part of my healing...

example rainy was my alter who's job, purpose, reason for being was depression, sadness, hold the memories that caused me to feel depression, sadness that I could not handle/deal with, without using dissociation. with the use of antidepressants for my depression and therapy to learn how to deal with my depression, learning things like grounding/breathing and other therapeutic techniques that enabled me to face my problems without dissociation (numbing, spacing out...) I was now able to do those things that was rainy/was rainys job, purpose reason for being. this lead to rainy naturally merging/becoming one with me so that we are now one whole person again.

thinking back to how I was then and how I am now theres still no question. today thanks to the integration of my alters I am so much more stronger, able to do more, and at the same time have full awareness of what I am doing when and where and in full control over my thoughts actions/behaviors.

example this weekend a friend got married. my wife, children and I traveled to another state in which I had never been to (before integration, this would have in the past caused me to dissociate and the alter who traveled would have taken control leaving me stranded gosh knows where with gosh knows who), I met many people that I did not know (before integration this would have led to another alter taking over and acting out inappropriately) I was able to attend the wedding and reception (again before integration this was not possible due to triggers causing me to dissociate and alters taking control, getting drunk and acting out inappropriately) ...my children wife and I had a fantastic time and I was in full control and remember every single moment and detail of the trip, wedding, reception and all. its just amazing how much better things are for me with integration.