the last few days

Well, by the sheer grace of.... ??? I've managed to stay out of the hospital. The last several days have been one of my lowest points to date. I nearly went inpatient Sat night (therapist telling me "yes you need to" because of the internal threats the system was giving me; then nearly went in sunday night. but again stayed out by the "skin of my teeth". Monday I checked in again with p nurse (like sunday) and today I tried translating all she said to my new t. That didn't go over well. We nearly had a lockdown (where no one in the system can move the body at all or speak). Thankfully T said something totally random and the alter who was already in front was able to break free and respond. Ironically, it's that alter who's communication wasn't heard or understood from T.
I'm glad pnurse gets us. I just don't know what to do about the therapist angle. So we've been upset and crying again this afternoon (the constant body pain from physical therapy REALLY doesn't help - oh yeah, I was going to take a pain med...).
I feel like throwing in the therapy towel and going it alone.

If you feel like you need more help, ask your therapist how much they know about treating dissociation. It is not an easy situation to deal with. But a therapist you know well that keeps you stable is a resource to be valued not thrown away.

What about the psych doc? Can they examine your meds? It sounds like time to do that.

The therapist I'm with has worked with DID for 20 some years "by the seat of her pants". I guess she's had only 3 clients, but she's had them for a long time. She's very intuitive and can tell when -even when i'm still in front- they move behind my eyes. she can see it. and questions what just happened, what did they say, what were they thinking.
But she should have retired some 10 years ago. she sadly forgets everything. and isn't hearing me when I say what my wild child alter needs to be respected.
As for my meds, my psych and I have determined that I pretty much have to stay what I'm on. I've tried some 26 meds. We've learned that I strongly react to any ssri's, any thing that affects the frontal cortex and serotonin. (there's a 4th thing, but I can't remember).
...I can't remember what I was writing or why..... :/
Oh - yeah so I called my psych and talked about how things went with T... and psych said "Oh boy". And that was as much of the convo as I remember.