[llleeelllaaannneee]

Hi
Dissociation isn't my primary issue these days but there were times in my past when it was prominent. It's manifested in different ways, typically I just "leave" but there have been times when it's like I've become the child I was (varying degrees from childlike to totally inhabiting a certain younger age of myself).

I've always been at least somewhat aware this happens to me and I'm not sure if someone saw it and said something to me how I would have responded. Obviously how they brought it up would make a huge difference but even if they did it gently with kindness I may have just felt embarrassed.

My question is, is there any way to acknowledge someone is showing dissociative states without hurting their feelings?

I ask because a friend of mine does this thing... He will be acting like and speaking in the tone of a child (maybe around 5 years) when we are alone together. His phone will ring and he'll answer it like an adult with an adult voice and demeanor like a switch was flipped. When he hangs up he goes back to being a child with me.
He doesn't seem to be aware he does this but I don't know because I haven't asked.

I try not to take it personally, I think he's dissociating but then I wonder why just with me? Or, maybe I've got it all wrong and something else is happening.

I've tried asking him if I stress him out or I'll ask him if he's doing alright when it happens. He says I don't stress him, the topic doesn't and he's ok. I ask him because, personally, i dissosciate when I'm overwhelmed by my environment.

Any feedback would be great.

[Kiya]

maybe he is able to be "younger" with you because he trusts you?
Or maybe that is his professional voice. I was raised with one. I can be sobbing my eyes out, or just awakened and I'll answer with my "receptionist voice"; the one where people can't tell the difference between my mom and I.
You might even make a recording of it and ask him if he notices the difference and what he thinks about it (if you think that would be ok), or just outright ask him if he notices he speaks different on the phone than with you.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by llleeelllaaannneee

Hi
Dissociation isn't my primary issue these days but there were times in my past when it was prominent. It's manifested in different ways, typically I just "leave" but there have been times when it's like I've become the child I was (varying degrees from childlike to totally inhabiting a certain younger age of myself).

I've always been at least somewhat aware this happens to me and I'm not sure if someone saw it and said something to me how I would have responded. Obviously how they brought it up would make a huge difference but even if they did it gently with kindness I may have just felt embarrassed.

My question is, is there any way to acknowledge someone is showing dissociative states without hurting their feelings?

I ask because a friend of mine does this thing... He will be acting like and speaking in the tone of a child (maybe around 5 years) when we are alone together. His phone will ring and he'll answer it like an adult with an adult voice and demeanor like a switch was flipped. When he hangs up he goes back to being a child with me.
He doesn't seem to be aware he does this but I don't know because I haven't asked.

I try not to take it personally, I think he's dissociating but then I wonder why just with me? Or, maybe I've got it all wrong and something else is happening.

I've tried asking him if I stress him out or I'll ask him if he's doing alright when it happens. He says I don't stress him, the topic doesn't and he's ok. I ask him because, personally, i dissosciate when I'm overwhelmed by my environment.

Any feedback would be great.

question has he told you he has DID? the reason I ask is that if he hasnt and you trying to get him to talk about alternate personalities and why he switches. that in itself can cause many things to happen such as a person feeling like they have to put on a show of seeming to switch during a targeted activity.

Also if this person is not DID they may not actually be switching from child voice to adult voice and back again. I know a few people who presented with this kind of thing and it just turned out that they naturally have a child like voice but have learned in some situations to modify their voice purposely ie while on the phone to avoid the caller saying something like ...hi dear is your mommy home...it can be quite an annoyance for men and women who's voice boxes dont naturally change\mature during puberty and end up having to live a life of people assuming they are child like from the sounds of their voices on the phone.

there is also something called child\baby fetish where some people just enjoy acting like a child when they are home alone or with those they are regularly around.

there are many medications that can cause a person to seem child like and then during situations that may require adult attention they have to work at seeming to switch back into adult hood.

there are medical conditions that can have the problem of seeming to switch from child like to adult then back again. I have a friend who is mildly down syndrome. this causes her to seem very young at times and then adult like in other situations where she has been taught to respond like an adult.

there are many reasons why a person seems to switch from child like to adult like besides DID and many times human beings can assume\project\transfer what we ourselves go though as being another persons problem when its not.

my point is until this person is willing to tell you what is going on and why they behave this way theres not much for you to do, except continue to be their friend. when he is ready to discuss why he behaves in this manner he will do so. if it continues to bother that he is acting like a child around you my suggestion is tell him you have noticed a difference and you prefer him to be the adult he is on the phone, with you. most people DID or not do not take offense if someone tells them they have noticed a a pattern and what they expect from a relationship.

[llleeelllaaannneee]

Thanks, you reminded me that I can't really know anything about "why". I know I get frustrated when people assume they know why I'm anxious, they're often wrong!

I do the professional voice thing too and while this could be that to a degree I sense strongly it's more than that. I was around this person with another person (friend) many times before we were ever alone and he never had this voice and demeanor with them.

But, I think acknowledging he has a different professional voice is where to start. I can do that without making a big deal of things and gauge his response.

I've lived a life where a lot has gone unsaid and when something is happening and I feel like I can't or shouldn't acknowledge it it makes me feel really nervous and uncomfortable. I'm looking for a way to honor my friends boundaries and respect my own.