[Butterfly Crisis]

I have a therapist, but I don't know how to broach the topic of DID. We've only been seeing each other since January and even then, he doesn't know a LOT of the stuff going on within me.. I've been looking into DID ever since my symptoms have gotten a lot worse. I didn't even understand it to begin with and still have a hard time comprehending it all, specifically because it causes me to freak out a bit and worry about who I am. That's the problem; I have no idea who I am, I'm different all the time, down to the point where I can't recognize myself at all. I don't LOOK like me, I don't ACT like me. I don't even know who ME is, and I constantly ask people who I am so I can see what they see; MAYBE that will make me know who I am..

This has been a problem for a very long time and after reading a few posts in this subforum, I think it stems from when I had to imagine things and daydream in order to cope with total isolation and other bad things. I found this (How You Can Tell If You Have Alters) and it says...

The main four symptoms of dissociative identity disorder are:

1. Amnesia. A very common manifestation of the disorder is amnesia or loss of time usually observed by those around the person. Patients with DID experience frequent memory gaps in personal history (as extreme as an overall loss of biographical memory for extended periods of time during childhood, adolescence, or adulthood years), past events (they can forget what had happened during a certain period of time such as 3 years in a row) or recent events (they find items in their house that they do not remember purchasing, written notes with a different handwriting than their, or evidence of activities they don't remember engaging in). Some experts hypothesis that amnesia might be possible due to the fact that passive identities tend to have more constricted memories, while the more hostile, controlling, or protective identities have more complete memories. "An identity that is not in control may nonetheless gain access to consciousness."

Approximately, 98 percent of patients with DID display amnesia (from mild to severe forms) when an alternate personality surfaces. When the host personality takes charge, the time spent under the control of other alters is either completely lost to memory, or only remembered as confusing bits and pieces.

2. Depersonalization is a dissociation symptom characterized by an alteration in the perception or experience of self, in which the patient either feels that their body is unreal, changing or dissolving, or detached from it, similar with an outside observer of their own mental processes or body while having no control over the situation.

3. Derealization is also a dissociation symptom in which the external world is perceive as strange or unreal.

4. Identity disturbances is one of the most distinct symptoms of dissociative identity disorder. Individuals with DID usually have a main personality and several alters that take charge in different situations. The alternate identities "are intrapsychic entities that have a sense of self, have an emotional repertoire, and can process information." Some of the alters handle and act out emotions the patient cannot deal with such as rage or terror, others (called internal self helpers) watch what is going on and give advice, or act as friends. Some alters can know, observe, and interact with one another in an extremely elaborated inner world, while others may not be aware of the existence of some alters. When they interact with one another, the patient can report hearing inner conversations which are usually diagnosed as auditory hallucinations. However, DID auditory hallucinations differ from schizophrenia auditory hallucinations due to their distinct qualities. In DID, the voices are perceived to be heard internally in the brain, while in schizophrenia the voices are perceived to come from outside the brain.

The latter 3, I know I have issues with, and the things I've put in bold are what I experience when it comes to Amnesia and Identity Disturbances. I don't get amnesia all the time, but I do go into trance-like modes where I do things and time passes and I don't even realize what I'm doing until it's over and things are misplaced and whatever else. I don't know if I have alters, but I have many "ME"s inside of me, if that makes sense?

Can someone help me understand DID and possibly what I'm trying to say / experiencing?

I'm sorry sweety that you are going through all this, and yes I can relate, but I can relate to a bunch of other things too.

Can you ask your T if he has any trauma experience? He might get it then. I'd still be open with them and see where it goes.

The best thing that you can be with your T is like totally honest.

I saw my pdoc for the first time, or should I say No_one did, and he straight up blurted it out in a freaked out kind of way....a little embarrassing like. But it's been outed.

But it helped me more by understanding this coping method that our brains have adopted.

I wish you the best hun, luv!

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Butterfly Crisis

I have a therapist, but I don't know how to broach the topic of DID. We've only been seeing each other since January and even then, he doesn't know a LOT of the stuff going on within me.. I've been looking into DID ever since my dissociation has gotten a lot worse. I didn't even understand it to begin with and still have a hard time comprehending it all, specifically because it causes me to freak out a bit and worry about who I am. That's the problem; I have no idea who I am, I'm different all the time, down to the point where I can't recognize myself at all. I don't LOOK like me, I don't ACT like me. I don't even know who ME is, and I constantly ask people who I am so I can see what they see; MAYBE that will make me know who I am..

This has been a problem for a very long time and after reading a few posts in this subforum, I think it stems from when I had to imagine things and daydream in order to cope with total isolation and other bad things..

But now, just yesterday, something happened that forced me back into feeling like I'm my 12 year old self again, and I can't get rid of this dreadful feeling and I think I need to face and accept this. This specific kind of thing happened before when I was raped in 2013; I was forced back into 7 year old me. I'm so lost, there are so many me's inside me, but it's a garbled mess and when I think about it, it panics me.

I don't even know what I'm doing..

Can someone help me understand DID, dissociation, and what I'm trying to say?

ok there really isnt a short way to explain DID, dissociation so bear with me for a moment...

as short and simple as I can make it DID is having more than one of a very special kind of alternate personality. these very special alters affect your whole life history in every aspect of your life since very early childhood (my location the documented cases, statistics and mental health demographics show below the age of 5) Having these alters is not because of fantasy or having imaginary friends, using drugs, alcohol or having any other mental or physical health problem that can better explain the symptoms\altered state of mind. (you can read the longer version of what america goes by for diagnosing DID in the link in my signature line at the bottom of my post)

in simple terms dissociation is a reaction to a trigger. ie feeling numb spacey, disconnected, because something upset you, or caused you to feel strong emotions.. there are normal levels of this and abnormal levels that are the dissociative disorders. (also in my link at the bottom of my post)

if you think you have a mental disorder ie DID please contact your treatment providers. they can help you get set up for the testing process to rule out all the different normal, physical and mental problems that what you are going through can be (there are literally millions upon millions of things this can be) and diagnose whether you have a dissociative disorder, and how to best treat it so that you will be feeling better.

[Butterfly Crisis]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I'm sorry sweety that you are going through all this, and yes I can relate, but I can relate to a bunch of other things too.

Can you ask your T if he has any trauma experience? He might get it then. I'd still be open with them and see where it goes.

The best thing that you can be with your T is like totally honest.

I saw my pdoc for the first time, or should I say No_one did, and he straight up blurted it out in a freaked out kind of way....a little embarrassing like. But it's been outed.

But it helped me more by understanding this coping method that our brains have adopted.

I wish you the best hun, luv!

I'll ask him next time, I mean he is a Dr of Psychology (not sure if PhD or PsyD).. Unfortunately, that will have to wait about two more weeks.

What do you mean by No_one? I'm curious.

[finding_my_way]

the best thing you can do is explain the things you are experiencing. or if you are not able to verbalize it, write it down and show the therapist. that was how i explained things to mine about my experiences and showed her journal entries that better explained it as it took me many years to be able to really talk in depth about a lot of things.

Originally Posted by Butterfly Crisis

I'll ask him next time, I mean he is a Dr of Psychology (not sure if PhD or PsyD).. Unfortunately, that will have to wait about two more weeks.

What do you mean by No_one? I'm curious.

I'm sorry hun, No_one is an other, like I am, Steve is, Bobbie is, etc.

My pdoc just does med management. One would need to find a therapist that specializes in trauma to get the appropriate care. Good luck sweety!

[amandalouise]

Just a bit of information concerning the edited info in your post Butterfly crisis.... if you look at the date of when that information was posted you will see that it was before 2013 America changed over to a new standard of what is and isnt things like dissociation,, DID and other mental disorders in 2013. not taking anything away from other posts just stating a fact that diagnostics here in america have now changed. That posted information was most likely accurate for just having DID and not a part of other mental disorders, when it was posted back in 2011.

with the change over in 2013 here in america dissociative symptoms are now included in just about every mental disorder recognized in America. what you quoted now fits many different mental and physical health problems. (Example if you google those symptoms you will see they match literally millions upon millions of things these symptoms can be)

as a result of the change over, treatment providers in America are now required when diagnosing someone with a mental disorder /any mental disorder to stipulate/document whether that mental disorder includes dissociative symptoms (or what ever that mental disorders sub group symptom is.....example depression now includes a diagnostic of having dissociative symptoms that can include amnesia / depersonalization / derealization and dissociative like identity issues.

because the diagnostics here in america are relatively new the only way to get the correct information /diagnosis pertaining directly to you is through a treatment provider.

my suggestion is contact a treatment provider for accurate diagnosis evaluation and in the mean time if you feel you need to surf the net for information remember to check the date of the information and look for sources that are from medical\psychological resources that may have the new updated materials /information.