[possum220]

I have been skulking around PC trying to decide what to post about my last P'docs appointment yesterday. Not sure what to write. Not sure what to say. Questioning my DID and wondering if it something else all together.

When I went to visit my Pdoc I had to wait as he was running late. (Nothing new there). While I was waiting my neck muscles felt like they were attached to strings and my neck was being moved by a puppet master. I have had that happen before. It seems like forever since I saw him last and that my inability to recall precious sessions was not good.

Are these my emotions or the emotions of other people in the building?

So he arrived and I went in and sat with him. My neck wouldn't behave and my neck muscles were trying to push themselves through my skin to the outside. Painful. Yes there were different voices coming out of my mouth. The thing I now question is...... Is this really DID or just a bunch of really crappy neck spasms that are affecting my voice? Hmmm.

Not sure at all now.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by possum220

I have been skulking around PC trying to decide what to post about my last P'docs appointment yesterday. Not sure what to write. Not sure what to say. Questioning my DID and wondering if it something else all together.

When I went to visit my Pdoc I had to wait as he was running late. (Nothing new there). While I was waiting my neck muscles felt like they were attached to strings and my neck was being moved by a puppet master. I have had that happen before. It seems like forever since I saw him last and that my inability to recall precious sessions was not good.

Are these my emotions or the emotions of other people in the building?

So he arrived and I went in and sat with him. My neck wouldn't behave and my neck muscles were trying to push themselves through my skin to the outside. Painful. Yes there were different voices coming out of my mouth. The thing I now question is...... Is this really DID or just a bunch of really crappy neck spasms that are affecting my voice? Hmmm.

Not sure at all now.

if you were in my location and this was me and my treatment provider no feeling like my neck was attached to strings and being moved by a puppet master would not be dissociative symptom. it would be a symptom of my having psychosis or medication problem. simply because of the diagnostics my location goes by that reality testing remains intact with dissociation. since there really isnt strings attached to my neck and there inst really a puppet master pulling those strings it is not focused in reality, out of touch with reality (which is what psychosis is here in my location)

my suggestion is use some reality testing when this happens. touch your neck is there really strings attached. look behind you is there a puppet master pulling the strings. look in a mirror are your muscles actually coming through? if the answer is no these things are not really happening then theres your answer...its not associated with dissociative disorders.

next question if not dissociative what can it be...

all kinds of mental and physical health problems and normal things too can cause this to happen...

going on the assumption that you have not lost touch with reality (knocking out the problem of psychosis) and are using your description as a metaphor ...

stress can make muscles feel tight, hard to manipulate, so can medications so can lack of sleep, so can ....see what I mean it can be just about anything.

with me muscles tight, spasms, pain, ...is Multiple Sclerosis. A physical health problem.

with my DID and the few alters I did have co consciousness with again no it didnt feel painful, stiff uncontrolable muscles trying to come through my neck nor the feeling of strings at my neck and a puppet master.

it felt normal. my DID happened to me in very young childhood before I was even school age. which means i grew up my whole life with alters taking control any time I encountered a problem that i could not handle in other words every time I got triggered into dissociating. that means this was my normal. it wasnt painful triggering upsetting, felt strange or what ever. it felt normal. my physical body continued to function just like normal. if anything it functioned better because what I could not handle \do the alters handled\did for me. when I was co conscious i was numb, spaced out foggy minded like looking through a glass window... what was happening on the other side of the window wasnt affecting me, I was safe and sound and numb far away from what ever was causing me to dissociate (switch into that alter) if anything I was calm and relaxed. I would be able to see still but it was like it wasnt me, reality testing still remained intact, i could tell my therapist or who ever was near me was talking to Rainy and that it was Rainys voice not mine talking. Rainy may have been crying and upset but I was not I was safe, calm numb relaxed.

this is how it was for me, for others it may have been different... my suggestion is if this continues to bother you contact your treatment provider, they will be able to evaluate whether this is dissociation in you or if its any number of other normal, mental or medical problems and if its dissociation related they can teach you grounding and other tools so that this no longer happens to you.

[possum220]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

if you were in my location and this was me and my treatment provider no feeling like my neck was attached to strings and being moved by a puppet master would not be dissociative symptom. it would be a symptom of my having psychosis or medication problem. simply because of the diagnostics my location goes by that reality testing remains intact with dissociation. since there really isnt strings attached to my neck and there inst really a puppet master pulling those strings it is not focused in reality, out of touch with reality (which is what psychosis is here in my location)

my suggestion is use some reality testing when this happens. touch your neck is there really strings attached. look behind you is there a puppet master pulling the strings. look in a mirror are your muscles actually coming through? if the answer is no these things are not really happening then theres your answer...its not associated with dissociative disorders.


next question if not dissociative what can it be...

all kinds of mental and physical health problems and normal things too can cause this to happen...

going on the assumption that you have not lost touch with reality (knocking out the problem of psychosis) and are using your description as a metaphor ...

stress can make muscles feel tight, hard to manipulate, so can medications so can lack of sleep, so can ....see what I mean it can be just about anything.

with me muscles tight, spasms, pain, ...is Multiple Sclerosis. A physical health problem.

with my DID and the few alters I did have co consciousness with again no it didnt feel painful, stiff uncontrolable muscles trying to come through my neck nor the feeling of strings at my neck and a puppet master.

it felt normal. my DID happened to me in very young childhood before I was even school age. which means i grew up my whole life with alters taking control any time I encountered a problem that i could not handle in other words every time I got triggered into dissociating. that means this was my normal. it wasnt painful triggering upsetting, felt strange or what ever. it felt normal. my physical body continued to function just like normal. if anything it functioned better because what I could not handle \do the alters handled\did for me. when I was co conscious i was numb, spaced out foggy minded like looking through a glass window... what was happening on the other side of the window wasnt affecting me, I was safe and sound and numb far away from what ever was causing me to dissociate (switch into that alter) if anything I was calm and relaxed. I would be able to see still but it was like it wasnt me, reality testing still remained intact, i could tell my therapist or who ever was near me was talking to Rainy and that it was Rainys voice not mine talking. Rainy may have been crying and upset but I was not I was safe, calm numb relaxed.

this is how it was for me, for others it may have been different... my suggestion is if this continues to bother you contact your treatment provider, they will be able to evaluate whether this is dissociation in you or if its any number of other normal, mental or medical problems and if its dissociation related they can teach you grounding and other tools so that this no longer happens to you.

Thanks for responding to my post amandalouise.

I know that the strings aren't real. This neck.muscle has been a problem for at least two decades. It happens when I am feeling some minute form of emotion and then exit emotions and bring in the dancing neck muscles. Pain and all.

I will ask my P'doc about grounding techniques though I'm not sure he knows anything about them. I am in a state of flux about a few things at the moment. Not sure which way is up.

[finding_my_way]

Originally Posted by possum220

Thanks for responding to my post amandalouise.

I know that the strings aren't real. This neck.muscle has been a problem for at least two decades. It happens when I am feeling some minute form of emotion and then exit emotions and bring in the dancing neck muscles. Pain and all.

I will ask my P'doc about grounding techniques though I'm not sure he knows anything about them. I am in a state of flux about a few things at the moment. Not sure which way is up.

it definitely could be related to just how your body tenses up during stress, anxiety, etc. my jaw tends to clench when i'm stressed or anxious and i don't even realize it half the time anymore until my jaw starts to hurt. i have tmj issues that developed over the last three or so years. trying to learn to breathe and relax is difficult.

I don't know if this is the same, but I sometimes go in to contortions as an other takes over. Sometimes it hurts as they stretch the muscles beyond what the muscles are used too.

[possum220]

I have tried to get my breathing under control. I do it for a little and then I mind goes off on another tangent. Then I have to refocus for as long as I can until my mind wanders off again. Maybe I need to start breathing from my stomach.

When then pain is too much I need to put an hand on my neck to stop the bulging of muscles in my neck. It can come back as quickly as I stop it. It hasn't been this bad for a year or two but maybe that has something to do with my ceasing use of Klonolpin. I stopped this over the last year. So nothing too drastic.

Sometimes I can overthink things until they are mush in my head. Taking each day as it comes is a thought that I need to take on board.