new/old thing

Haven't been in here in a while... life got super busy and crazy and I think there was a hospitalization in there somewhere.
But -crud I forgot what I was saying while listening to my neighbor yell her brains out.....

oh like going in to trance and acting out (or wanting to) from a trance state (vs emotional state)... and further like it felt ancient... not of our present or any present in history books. I'm not making sense. But that's what it felt like. Anyone get that feeling?

I found where I put my post.... so here it is....
ok so we all have ways we act out. One of them cuts.
But every now and then there comes a pull, a draw to cut that is.... seemingly ancient, if that makes sense. It has no emotion, no fear, no anxiety, no sense of "what i'm doing is wrong or unsafe". It feels just old... as old as forever.



I'm wondering if anyone else ever feels that? It's really hard for me to fight it off. and I'm usually in trance when it happens, or am quickly pulled in to trance.



This came up this week. Thankfully, when I picked up the phone, my friend answered and talked me back to a more academic discussion.
Tonight I was doing ok, but then an urge hit and I urge surfed until my friend called just now. whew.

I am glad your friend called. When you start to feel this way reach out to someone you know where to find me.

Be safe

I get something similar- I cut for different reasons at different times- and sometimes it's just because I feel I have to- I'm completely calm, but it's this draw of doing something I should, but I don't know why I should.

the brain is an amazing organ. sometimes before, during and after a person is self injuring the brain releases chemicals in the body called endorphin's. endorphine's are what makes a person feel trance like, spaced out, foggy what ever term a person is comfortable using. sometimes for someone who has a history of self injury all it takes is the minute thought or flashback to release those endorphins. (a flashback is when someone is somehow reminded of something and relive it, sometimes when they know they are remembering and other times the person may not remember it)

I was a self injurer and were a few of my alters. Anything that reminds me of my triggers for when that would happen would cause me to seem trance like and numb.

what helped me was using the grounding techniques my therapist and I came up with that helps me to stay more present, focused.

the drawing well that can mean just about anything, it could represent some metaphor for how you were feeling when you drew it, it could just mean you were just drawing and thats all it is, a drawing like someone who doodles and draws shapes and people in various shadings wardrobes facial expressions. it could also be a drawing of people you know and what they have worn. and it could simply be a drawing reflecting what is going on in the world today...the pope is traveling through the USA so naturally one of the first things that come to mind when someone is drawing may be people in hoods and robes like the catholic religion, (or any religion at one time or another just about every religion has its hoods and robes which is probably why the diagnostics for DID now state that the problems can not be religious or other ritual practice)

my point is the drawings can be anything in this whole world and mean any number of millions upon millions of things, only you and your treatment providers will be able to interpret what this drawing means to you and what to do about it.

Wish I would hear from my provider... she's sick tho with walking pneumonia. Haven't talked to her since the 9th. I did email her the picture and the description of the feeling around it. Praying she gets well soon.

yep - that feels really similar. seems like such an uncanny feeling to me, too.

thanks, Cake. you too!

Welcome back, Kiya. .