It's like a never ending quest....who am I? Is it really real or am I like wrong?

It's like I can almost put a finger on it- but be so off. All this just doesn't make any sense.

For me, "I" is always a different person, "I" know this because "I" right now is crazy that way. I'm conscience, but everyone's conscience? It's like I'm a back thought, an inquisitive one. I'm monopolizing the thinking right now, but I have no bodily control. I feel like l'm dictating. But I feel real, but not in control?

I know I'm not in body control because I would not be moving this way.

Okay, he's asked and I hope he got it out of his system. Sec...

I bought this Epilator, and I am so addicted to it! A couple glasses of red Chablis and say see ya to the hair! I can't even feel it pulling anymore, but when it does, it's like there goes another one! High 5!

This so blows shaving and waxing away. I've done my legs, arms and chest, but still squirrelly about the upper and lower pits. Tequila?

He's so right, it's like how can I not be me in a bit? What's sad is that I have no idea what another feels like, I can't imagine, let alone remember.

But who cares? Like it's going to maaaattter...we've only been this way forevvvvveeeerrr!

He gets so annoying.

What's your favorite way of removing unwanted hair? I'm wondering what a home laser costs.

i certainly agree with you, it's an endeless quest.

and for me it's like... surely this isn't it. surely this is just a life simulation- preparing us for the real thing, but i know it's not... this is all we've got and our life is so... well, not real

we're existing, but not really living..

and i still have to figure out what my hobbies are

i kcan describe the hobbies of all my alters, but not myself
so much of life is wrong

"It's like a never ending quest....who am I?"

This line resonates so deeply. I have no clue who I am. I can distinguish between the others, based on their tone of voice, their likes, dislikes, hobbies. However, when it comes to me, I have no clue. All I really know about me is my name, that I have a temper, that I like the colour black and that I love my dog to bits. The rest is just guess work. I have no idea what my true interests are, or what i don't like. Most days, it feels like I'm merely the body, the shell for whoever needs to do what they need to do. I just go along with it. I'm beginning to think that there is no distinguishing between me and them. I am them, and they are me. My hobbies are their hobbies, and their hobbies are mine. My dislikes and likes are theirs and theirs are mine. I see no other way to think of it. Trying to distinguish and seperate us into "them" and "me" has had me going in circles for months,now. I'm done trying to distiguish and seperate myself from them...

[finding_my_way]

i FINALLY have gotten to the point where i know who i am....but when i am struggling with certain things, dissociating more, etc. i end up forgetting who this me is. i think when i used to try to explain that in the past, it was just looked at like the normal way a person is trying to figure out who they are or that it was related to the diagnosis i have of borderline personality disorder (still don't agree with it). so, trying to explain what i mean when i do not know who i am at times just goes over people's head.

it's like i am me and more me sometimes (compared to years ago), and then other times i kind of dissolve and/or pieces of me start to break off (maybe they are never 100% glued on to me to start with?).

it's like a hurricane inside sometimes when i'm dissociating more and losing track of who i am among all the other ones...even if i do not know who or what it is with me in there, it's still like flying debris, images, feelings, thoughts, etc., and i have to keep dodging it all or trying to while trying to still keep track of me. it's so confusing.

even though i have figured out who i am when things are okay and calmer, i still don't have life goals or anything like that because it's just not something that has been possible for whatever reason. i have no real concept of the future/what to do goal wise, etc. except the fact i know it will come at some point (which kind of is terrifying). so many confusing things.

Originally Posted by finding_my_way

i FINALLY have gotten to the point where i know who i am....but when i am struggling with certain things, dissociating more, etc. i end up forgetting who this me is. i think when i used to try to explain that in the past, it was just looked at like the normal way a person is trying to figure out who they are or that it was related to the diagnosis i have of borderline personality disorder (still don't agree with it). so, trying to explain what i mean when i do not know who i am at times just goes over people's head.

it's like i am me and more me sometimes (compared to years ago), and then other times i kind of dissolve and/or pieces of me start to break off (maybe they are never 100% glued on to me to start with?).

it's like a hurricane inside sometimes when i'm dissociating more and losing track of who i am among all the other ones...even if i do not know who or what it is with me in there, it's still like flying debris, images, feelings, thoughts, etc., and i have to keep dodging it all or trying to while trying to still keep track of me. it's so confusing.

even though i have figured out who i am when things are okay and calmer, i still don't have life goals or anything like that because it's just not something that has been possible for whatever reason. i have no real concept of the future/what to do goal wise, etc. except the fact i know it will come at some point (which kind of is terrifying). so many confusing things.

glad that you've at least reached a stage where you know who you are

something i'm far off, and wondering if i'll ever get their

Obviously we got cut off....In reality, I know who "I" am- a part of something.

I'm just a voice in the head living life through others as others live. I'm the inquisitive part that is incessant on figuring all this out, on a never ending quest for knowing.

So, I've answered my own question. Time for me to give the head space back because we have work to do.

Congrats findingmyway....well done.

[finding_my_way]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Obviously we got cut off....In reality, I know who "I" am- a part of something.

I'm just a voice in the head living life through others as others live. I'm the inquisitive part that is incessant on figuring all this out, on a never ending quest for knowing.

So, I've answered my own question. Time for me to give the head space back because we have work to do.

Congrats findingmyway....well done.

well, i cannot say i know myself every single day....i am lucky to have days where i do...but when i lose it, it's like it never existed to begin with. it can take me weeks or months to get back to that point too..so it's always fluid and never 100% cohesive...at least not for very long it seems. it really can confuse things...it's just that compared to years ago, i do at least have it.

Yeah, I'm still trying to puzzle out exactly who I am ...

http://forums.psychcentral.com/compl...ey-c-ptsd.html

I give up. It's too stressful. I'm everyone. Everyone is I. Let's have some fun, forget the mind trip.