[Shaly78]

As we all know it is virtually impossible to remember this in its entire alone, with the system and especially if around a bunch of people it can be even more impossible. I can't really detail everything to possible set the scene just wondering if any other systems can relate and might have any tips or suggestions as what to do or try to ease the pain.... The host is female I have four birth children....I was diagnosed in 2012 and have undergone treatment that wasn't particular the best way to treat a system, so a whole lot of abuse in therapy....Anyway, my system is complete with all the turmoil inner dialogue switchness etc lots of trauma and what not..... I have my children on Saturdays, I don't wanna give the back story on that, it was by default so leave that one out the negative one....Anyway, I have recovered a lot of memories...My children two older boys are close in age pre teens then my two younger one are close in age the two younger ones are a lot younger than my pre teen considerable age difference....A few weeks ago there was a switch, not sure who just yet haven't nailed that down or what might have been the details inside inner world combining with memories can make for an active system. My system since last year has been really stable not a whole lot of noise that I the host experienced ...Basically the host doesn't get it like it has in the past on the noise chaos factor, so sometimes these switches are really usually. My active birth children are pretty much like other children video games, talking about school, watching movies, fighting the basic, catching up on their week, sibliing rivarly. ....Their fighting wresting goes really wrong sometimes and it gets heated amped up especially with my pre teen older boys.....I have banned wrestling, but haven't banned wrestling video games....My stories starts with wrestling sexual abuse from an older drug addict brother then sexual abuse with an younger brother carrying on his torth initiating it...So this is a huge trigger since I've been in therapy, like huge!!! I don't wanna tell my children why wrestling is banned why video games are off limits...I don't want to tell my ex husband or their aunt it is my personal story!!! .Sometimes the jaw jacking doesn't stop and it really starts me to switching trying to get them to stop and just live in silence for the time being the rest of their visit.......So one particular instance a few weeks ago I had gotten a call from their father he is on the way to pick up our children.....I hangs up the phone.....Out the mouth "Put your clothes"......then I corrects the statement, "I mean get your coats". It's like the behind the scenes actions is prompting these switchness from the inner world those with memory poking. No one had clothes off, no bed clothes on, no thing like that. I'm not sure if there is bad feelings about my children not being with me due to what was mentioned earlier or what. I thought all was okay, so yesterday day my older son when their father got here says the exact same thing out his my "Yall put your clothes on".....I quickly correct him no one has clothes off.......Immediately, my mind goes back to a few weeks ago. There has been an influx of us complaining at how people are copying when I'm out in public almost to mock mental illness especially DID....I feel my son has done the same, but not directly almost like he wants an explanation about what his mom is dealing with...He is only almost 14 years, I feel he can handle it. It is almost like a cover up, well everyone is like this so let me do it too so that she doesn't feel bad. It is all on television the same way....I don't know what else to do... What should I do about being provoked.....I'm getting to the place now where I'm going in talking to a recruiter openly offending who ever I talk to first, because it is that blatant. It is wide spread almost every where.....Venting any words of encouragement would be helpful...

Omg that's so hard to handle and I'm sorry that you have so much to deal with. Me, myself and I would ban anything wrestling around me, period. They can do it away from the house, their fathers or where ever but not in front of me. Why? Because I don't like it. If anybody wants to know, I'd just tell them something real bad happened to me when I was younger and it makes me scared and ill. That alone should command some respect, you would think. And if they want to know, maybe when they are older they'll be told, maybe.

Boys will be boys, but you are still the adult and have the final say without having to give a reason why.

I act kinda crazy from a normal's point of view I think because I'm so contradictory, never stablish, I mean to me it's obvious and I'm really not happy about it considering the inner struggle that we experience.

So, I told my son about personality changes and I think he's picking up some of the cues. My partner of course thinks I'm faking, but nobody here cares what she thinks.

I'm at a point of forget everyone, this is finally about me. We've spent a lifetime dealing with the needs of everyone else as a way to avoid ourselves....now it's my turn. If they can't respect that, that's not my problem.

Of course, my son just turned 17 and Xbox is his thing, and what I do now is not that big of a concern of his as long as I don't embarrass him, but I offered my mental state as an explanation to explain me...nothing more nothing less.

I don't know if that helps because we would all do something different... and that even goes with those within us that have different ideas on how to handle things, I'm the nicer one at least. I think that even though we have our mental issues, we are still a person that deserves the basic respect that very individual enjoys, and we have to claim it because seldom is it given.

I'm hoping for you to find more peace in your life. I try to arise above the fray...if they want to make fun of me, that reflects on them. Sometimes I think I'm paranoid about things when I'm concerned about my outward behavior or how I'm expressing myself. I just turn it around with a "Haha" to dull the dig.

Good luck

[Shaly78]

Thanks for your support! I think I had a therapist advise the same thing to just stop the video games and playing period....It is just that they there are also use to me playing video games too, I just have to find a way to ween them...It's like I'm not experiencing 100%, I agree though they have to find a way to adjust millions of children out here have to, whether it is medical or psychological. They have to learned they are not entitled to anything I wish everything was/ is remains perfect, it is just not life... The way things happen it is not just, oh well something bad happened to me they will start build on questions and probing to get more of my business.....it's the strangest thing ever...Anyway, I know what to do from now on. I'm going to tell them to go into that as a major in school so that they don't have to know all my business and their family ancestor's stuff...It is too much and can flaw relationships that don't need to be altered just yet.