[Gracey]

I'm not sure where to post this. . .here or psychotherapy arena, so I'll try both. It's a therapuetic issue, but has to do with DID.

Saw my T today. . .we have had an ongoing relationship for nearly four years. I think some of you are familiar with all of that. Anyway, he has been largely unaware (or maybe he hasn't and I'm just snowing myself) of the others, but then my dx is rather new anyway and I'm not exactly sure it IS truly DID. Don't you have to have like two extra distinct personalities? I don't know. . .it doesn't matter. Anyway. . .here's what happened. . .when I got there today I was in the midst of a panic attack. First one in a while, and I couldn't make it stop. Talk about embarassing. So, he tries to help. . .tries to get me grounded. None of it is working. So he switches tracks and asks me to "experience" the moment and what am I feeling? That sort of thing. So he asks, "How young do you feel right this moment?" That's the last thing I remember. Next thing I know, I'm sitting upright (I had been laying on his couch) and have a pad and colored pencils where I've been drawing. As I'm gathering myself, he asks, "How're you feeling?" and I tell him "Kind of spacey" and he said, "Yeah that happens sometimes." So, I'm NOT about to give away my hand by asking him what happened and proving that I wasn't really there, but he isn't giving his away either. It was really kind of awkward for me, but he seemed to take it all in stride, you know? He was relaxed, sat back in his chair, very tender and caring as he usually is. Nothing really different. He is always accepting of me, always validating, he is great for my self esteem, you know? He didn't fly off the handle like some T's do.

What do I do now? I mean, do I come out and ask him? My DX is new and apparently the parts that are already inside are learning to deal with my awareness. I don't "hear" them or anything like that. One emails with me on a regular basis, but other than that, all I know is what others have told me.

Ideas? Help please.

[selfy]

i reckon you should ask him avbout it. he doesnt wanna keep u in the dark,and he wont get pissy i am sure
go for it
tc
self

[(JD)]

I replied in the other forum.

I want to say that this is one kewl T, imo. Having and offering something for the younger person to draw with shows a really understanding and caring T.

I doubt he will share what the other said, just like he won't tell the other all you say. Your barriers of self are there for a reason. Leave them there until you're sure you don't need them anymore.

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Hi Gracey,

It sounds like your T knows what he's doing and knows more than you think he knows concerning his evaluation of you at any given time.

I think Sky has a point and "forcing" barriers down at this time will only cause flooding of emotions and events that you may be ill equiped to handle. Let the therapy process evolve BUT also be honest with your T. When he asks questions, it's okay to say "this may sound crazy but I feel . . . ". I think you will be surprised at his answer and it sounds like the answer from your T will be one that reassures you that you are not crazy. You're actually very adaptive for having been able to create "a system of defense". Trust your T and be honest with him. He will be able to help you better and be better to help you help yourself.

It's all okay. Gentle Hugs (if okay) Anne

[Gracey]

T is a fantastic t. . .and a good person. I know this already. I just HATE that it happens you know? But, I guess it's already BEEN happening. . .I'm always the last to find out about anything.

It's just. . .WEIRD. . .you know? I mean, you're a fully grown adult, and suddenly there's "little peeps" coming out of the woodwork.

Makes me wanna drink again.

[SongBirdandDaisy]

It is really weird and hard to accept. I think accepting your diagnosis is the first step in healing. If you don't accept them, they may feel invalidated and that may cause a big upset amongst them.

It takes time for all of this to settle in. Please be patient with yourself. Know that you are not alone.

Its darn weird, isin't it?

I still get weirded out by it, but it gets easier as time goes on to understand its not necessarily the disaster that it seems at the time.

My best advice - One day at a time..