[Susan27]

My major defense mechanism from childhood was to dissociate

It affected my development to the point that I didn't become conscious until it broke through like s tear one night in July when I was 23 and had moved far away from home and what was familiar and defined me

Now I'm 48 and have these horrible flare ups where I can acutely feel severe fragmentation but I do not think it rises to the level of DID...I think it is right below that particular diagnosis

It's horribly painful in many ways mostly in the forefront of my brain/head and inside where I feel no solid sense of self and I get flooded with secondary terror

Does anyone else have a dissociative disorder like this but without alters (not that I know of anyway although I certainly feel state changes and have no continual sense of self from then to know )

I'm so scared and just want to know if anyone else can get this splintered/shattered/fragmented inside and what helps make it calm down

Susan

[Susan27]

It's like feeling like you're losing touch with your "I" and feel detachment to the point of strong physical pain and a fragmented feeling inside... OMG it is so hard to describe !!

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Susan27

My major defense mechanism from childhood was to dissociate

It affected my development to the point that I didn't become conscious until it broke through like s tear one night in July when I was 23 and had moved far away from home and what was familiar and defined me

Now I'm 48 and have these horrible flare ups where I can acutely feel severe fragmentation but I do not think it rises to the level of DID...I think it is right below that particular diagnosis

It's horribly painful in many ways mostly in the forefront of my brain/head and inside where I feel no solid sense of self and I get flooded with secondary terror

Does anyone else have a dissociative disorder like this but without alters (not that I know of anyway although I certainly feel state changes and have no continual sense of self from then to know )

I'm so scared and just want to know if anyone else can get this splintered/shattered/fragmented inside and what helps make it calm down

Susan

when this happened to me my treatment providers called it anxiety. their reasoning for calling it anxiety was because dissociation isnt a painful disorder in my location. its a reaction to a trigger here where I am, and the symptoms in my location is numbness, spacing out, and a numb just observing type of disconnection with the physical body.

what helped me was anti anxiety medication.

suggestion since a person can have dissociation along with anxiety disorders maybe contact your treatment providers. maybe adding a medication will help with the painful side of your dissociative problems.

Originally Posted by Susan27

It's like feeling like you're losing touch with your "I" and feel detachment to the point of strong physical pain and a fragmented feeling inside... OMG it is so hard to describe !!

Do you know the aspects of depersonalization and derealization?

[Finding_Myself_1]

This sounds very similar to my situation. I haven't been diagnosed, but I feel that I suffer from dissociation without DID. The one thing that's helped me is a book that I'm working through by Suzette Boon called Coping with Trauma Related Dissociation. I haven't been able to find a therapist, so am using that. Like you I'm flooded with terror at various points throughout the day. I'll post my story tomorrow and hopefully you can identify.

[Hypersomni]

Originally Posted by Susan27

It's like feeling like you're losing touch with your "I" and feel detachment to the point of strong physical pain and a fragmented feeling inside... OMG it is so hard to describe !!

I think I know what you mean! I get dissociation when my thoughts become too overbearing. The disconnecting of yourself from your identity (the "I") is particularly scary for me. I'm not sure I know what could make it go away entirely since everyone is different, but as for short term relief, focus on distracting or taking care of yourself.The most helpful thing for me is having someone you can message or call to ground yourself back to reality. Put your focus on something, like tv or a computer game. My own therapist even recommends a mantra sort of thing, like saying "I am (your name), my name is (Y/N)". Sorry for the long response, its an issue close to me!