[finding_my_way]

it's difficult. i have a diagnosis of DID now, at least i assumed that once i talked in detail about things i didn't for many years with my psychiatrist since the others have ages, names, genders, etc. but they are still very quiet overall. they do not come out, do not talk to people, do not interact with others on forums/chatrooms, etc. so, i do not feel like i fit anywhere, not in a PTSD chatroom, not in a DID one, nowhere. yet, the dissociation and things it causes as a result lately have been a lot worse, and i do not fit anywhere. it's frustrating, and no one likes feeling left out. that is causing even more issues. i feel alone.

Sorry you're feeling that way fmw. I get that too. Knowing I have a system but not knowing anything about it frustrates the hell out of me. I feel like I don't fit in here too, because I don't even know their names or ages. Like dark matter- I know it's there- all the evidence points to it- but can I see and talk to it??! That's a big ol' nope.

FWIW- I really enjoy reading your posts, and I can empathise with most of what you write. I get a kick out of you expressing yourself here, and I hope you continue to do so for a long time to come. I certainly think you fit in here, even though I can't say that for myself!

Originally Posted by finding_my_way

it's difficult. i have a diagnosis of DID now, at least i assumed that once i talked in detail about things i didn't for many years with my psychiatrist since the others have ages, names, genders, etc. but they are still very quiet overall. they do not come out, do not talk to people, do not interact with others on forums/chatrooms, etc. so, i do not feel like i fit anywhere, not in a PTSD chatroom, not in a DID one, nowhere. yet, the dissociation and things it causes as a result lately have been a lot worse, and i do not fit anywhere. it's frustrating, and no one likes feeling left out. that is causing even more issues. i feel alone.

Shelly:

Sorry hon, you fit in just fine right here. Your experiences are just as valuable as any other. I love hearing about others systems because it helps me understand mine better, for we aren't totally like forthcoming.... we know our others traits mostly by observing.

Is there a reason why yours have gone quiet on you that you can think of? Are you the original? What are their triggers? Can you describe them? Maybe they got scared into hiding? What in life has changed if any to cause such a thing to happen? Etc. etc.

Just because they are inert doesn't mean that they disappeared.

We used to be a quiet bunch, quiet as a church mouse avoiding being noticed... even to ourselves. Now we go blah blah blah all day long....ooops, lol.

I've been wondering about your situation (but don't want to ask as to pry because this is much a personal private condition: information only voluntarily given)- they aren't like behind the scene involved and you don't know it?

Actually, I'm somewhat envious of your situation summed up in one word- stable.

Stable scares me though, none of us on their own is capable of handling life successfully.

I hope that you are feeling better.

[IB splitting]

Originally Posted by finding_my_way

it's difficult. i have a diagnosis of DID now, at least i assumed that once i talked in detail about things i didn't for many years with my psychiatrist since the others have ages, names, genders, etc. but they are still very quiet overall. they do not come out, do not talk to people, do not interact with others on forums/chatrooms, etc. so, i do not feel like i fit anywhere, not in a PTSD chatroom, not in a DID one, nowhere. yet, the dissociation and things it causes as a result lately have been a lot worse, and i do not fit anywhere. it's frustrating, and no one likes feeling left out. that is causing even more issues. i feel alone.

Well we think you fit in here. I'm also DID, PTSD and a handful of other issues
We're in our 6th year of T and just now my alters are emerging. We understand how you feel, I do know when one is triggered, he or she will go into hiding until they feel safe enough to come out. Your not alone.. my friend...
Lacey.

[finding_my_way]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Shelly:

Sorry hon, you fit in just fine right here. Your experiences are just as valuable as any other. I love hearing about others systems because it helps me understand mine better, for we aren't totally like forthcoming.... we know our others traits mostly by observing.

Is there a reason why yours have gone quiet on you that you can think of? Are you the original? What are their triggers? Can you describe them? Maybe they got scared into hiding? What in life has changed if any to cause such a thing to happen? Etc. etc.

Just because they are inert doesn't mean that they disappeared.

We used to be a quiet bunch, quiet as a church mouse avoiding being noticed... even to ourselves. Now we go blah blah blah all day long....ooops, lol.

I've been wondering about your situation (but don't want to ask as to pry because this is much a personal private condition: information only voluntarily given)- they aren't like behind the scene involved and you don't know it?

Actually, I'm somewhat envious of your situation summed up in one word- stable.

Stable scares me though, none of us on their own is capable of handling life successfully.

I hope that you are feeling better.

to answer your questions, i know the specific time frame of when they all went quiet. it was in 2007 when a lot of huge life changing events happened around the same time, both positive and negative (i got help that i needed for years finally for an eating disorder, and a family member died while i was away who i knew was going to - cancer).

before the last two or so years (minus more subtle things), the others were active last while i was in treatment. from then until the last few, they were just totally quiet.

the last year and a half or so, things have been a bit more active, esp. the last six months. it has been a whirlwind revolving door type thing. while they do not take control of my body, i can still feel them in the background at times, but more their feelings and sometimes thoughts (which i'm guessing was what brought on this entire post) cause me to struggle a lot...and it seems that lately it's been trigger upon trigger, layer upon layer.

i guess we share some triggers, but some seem to be subtle triggers that i don't really catch. or it feels like some of it just gets taken from me or something. not always able to pinpoint things, esp. if the dissociation is really severe since that varies as well and is mixed.

i have only again been able to figure out tiny bits about how things work, not necessarily them individually though. but even though none of them take active control, the way they cause me to feel and sometimes react because of their feelings and thoughts is very disrupting, confusing, scary, etc. to me. i find myself reacting in ways i know aren't my 'normal' because it just floods me.

i would honestly rather them take control and leave me out of it because it just confuses me too much. my ability to focus goes out the window, i have a job (work at home thankfully which lessens a lot of potential triggers, more anyway), and i cannot risk the disruption of things causing issues with the job. most the time, i can work ok, but sometimes i'm not able to. sometimes, i have literally forgotten HOW to do the job after years of doing it.

i am basically numb or mildly depressed UNLESS something is triggered and they are more active (though like i said more internally than anything). it has also been something i've just realized. i feel nothing much until there is a reason to from them. i used to think i had more range of emotion..but no. i don't even know what that means.

i'd also rather have it where they used to actually talk to me..not this huge disconnect because i know the system has changed and don't know who is still there. it kind of scares me. there have only been maybe four plus maybe some fragments around the last few months here and there. but i know nothing about most cuz i can't get any information.

[Plum90]

In my past experiences, periods of the quietness you described actually meant they were more active and that there had been stronger triggers. It was normally during periods of relative calm and comfort that communication was better. Not advising, but sharing, I also used THC to help facilitate communication a lot in the beginning, and I am not sure that a lot of the communication that had been, would have been without it. Which leads me to believe that without such substance abuse, it would probably be more normal for there to be less communication.

When there would be a significant trigger, protectors would take over more fully and I would get pushed back completely, so the way that I experienced that was a loss of communication, but it didn't mean they weren't there, it actually meant again that they were more active than usual, and more protective than usual.

I can also relate with the aspect of alters not really openly participating with the outside world very much, unless there is a perceived need to do so, i.e. a strong trigger. The way my system always was (and continues to be, with what is still split off), is that they had jobs to do, and they would do their jobs, but weren't very active beyond that.

For example to my knowledge they never emerged just to chat with roommates, but when a roommate became confrontational and disrespectful over something, a protector responded immediately and handled it, as I nearly blacked out completely (wound up feeling like a really weird, foggy short film).

Child alters would only come out when nobody else (other people) were around, which meant they didn't participate in socializing, either.