[cheshiregrins]

Has anyone with DID ever experienced this or know a way to handle it?

I feel like I've only been in this world for the past year on and off, due to a combination of therapy and anti-psychotics, which have made me dissociate less. That's great and all in terms of recovery, but I find that when I'm in this world now (not dissociated), after almost 30 years of living in a dissociated state, I get WAY too overstimulated. I feel like before I was just watching life on TV and now I'm actually watching real people and am a part of it the real world. Again, I know it's a good thing in theory, but it's making me feel crazy! It varies, but I often only last like 20 minutes at the mall. I can't make plans with anyone because I don't know how long I'll last out in the world. I usually just stay at home, other than work. Work is suffering lately because I work in a public library with LOUD kids. I get super irritable because I can't handle the noise. I've just been drugging myself with Klonopin to the point where I'm getting addicted to it and probably shouldn't be driving to work on the drug, but it's the only thing that turns down the volume of the world. Anyone have any insights?

[finding_my_way]

Originally Posted by cheshiregrins

Has anyone with DID ever experienced this or know a way to handle it?

I feel like I've only been in this world for the past year on and off, due to a combination of therapy and anti-psychotics, which have made me dissociate less. That's great and all in terms of recovery, but I find that when I'm in this world now (not dissociated), after almost 30 years of living in a dissociated state, I get WAY too overstimulated. I feel like before I was just watching life on TV and now I'm actually watching real people and am a part of it the real world. Again, I know it's a good thing in theory, but it's making me feel crazy! It varies, but I often only last like 20 minutes at the mall. I can't make plans with anyone because I don't know how long I'll last out in the world. I usually just stay at home, other than work. Work is suffering lately because I work in a public library with LOUD kids. I get super irritable because I can't handle the noise. I've just been drugging myself with Klonopin to the point where I'm getting addicted to it and probably shouldn't be driving to work on the drug, but it's the only thing that turns down the volume of the world. Anyone have any insights?

i don't have the issue of things being 'too' real, but i definitely understand being over stimulated. that varies for me depending on what is causing it and why it happens.

sometimes it is more a ptsd type trauma reaction where it feels like everything is coming at me, noises, brightness, etc. other times, it's random triggers like smells or i don't even know...sometimes it's social anxiety and not wanting to be seen/looked at (though that also can be linked with trauma stuff like paranoia)....and no matter what type though, it actually causes me to dissociate because it is too much to handle when it happens.

i also used to have agoraphobia along with the social anxiety, so anxiety and panic attacks, fear of leaving the house, fear of people/being seen, fear of being too far from home, etc. it was like the world was trying to attack me.

i went quite a few years with all these symptoms lessened, so it was interesting to have it things more normal. it varies now though depending.

[Luce]

It sounds like you are experiencing a kind of sensory overload, which as a set of 'symptoms' can have many different causes. Regardless of the cause of it, there are different things you can do to support yourself with it. It sounds like you are doing some of them intuitively - avoiding overly stimulating environments etc.
Look up terms like 'sensory integration'; Dabrowski's overexcitabilities, or 'sensory hypersensitivity'.
I (we) have sensory issues, and are particularly sensitive to stimuli when triggered (isn't everyone?). I often avoid social situations or make sure that I have an 'out' for when things get too much. I don't beat myself up about it. It's what I need, I just can't cope with more, so I make sure I take care of myself but not pushing myself beyond my limits. (that never works out well!)

[Shaly78]

Surely, you have an alter (s) that can better handle life on a day to day basis during times like this at your place of employment. As for that during your communication time as for relief person, how ever you make it personal to your system. Make sure you got good concentration that is also apart of PTSD symptoms. I sometimes need those, not here moments so that we're completely within ourselves to block out the environment as much as possible. Sometimes it works wonderfully, other times it seems like a complete disaster and I'm all out of wack over simulated and can't regain my sense of being at work to complete work duties, being my best self. I'm guessing you don't live openly plural, so yea I know it is tough trying to stay covert with all the challenges.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by cheshiregrins

Has anyone with DID ever experienced this or know a way to handle it?

I feel like I've only been in this world for the past year on and off, due to a combination of therapy and anti-psychotics, which have made me dissociate less. That's great and all in terms of recovery, but I find that when I'm in this world now (not dissociated), after almost 30 years of living in a dissociated state, I get WAY too overstimulated. I feel like before I was just watching life on TV and now I'm actually watching real people and am a part of it the real world. Again, I know it's a good thing in theory, but it's making me feel crazy! It varies, but I often only last like 20 minutes at the mall. I can't make plans with anyone because I don't know how long I'll last out in the world. I usually just stay at home, other than work. Work is suffering lately because I work in a public library with LOUD kids. I get super irritable because I can't handle the noise. I've just been drugging myself with Klonopin to the point where I'm getting addicted to it and probably shouldn't be driving to work on the drug, but it's the only thing that turns down the volume of the world. Anyone have any insights?

this is how I felt each time an alter integrated\merged\became one whole person with me (in other words the transition process from being DID to no longer having DID)

it was at this point where my treatment provider suggested my coming to this site in hopes of finding others at this point of healing too.

Unfortunately when I first came here there was no one going through this part of the integration process. But I stuck it out here and slowly over the years have met others who's alters have merged/became one whole person again.

this part of healing is hard for a dissociative. its unknown territory from them, to put it in another context that other can understand its like smoking all your life then one day finding out you can never have another smoke ever. going from whats normal for the person with DID to what feels strange,scary, abnormal.

My point I fully understand what you are going through. Things that helped me was

Having a mental health treatment provider. I cant count how many times I have called my treatment providers in a panic because I heard or felt things I have never felt before, or have felt so many things at one time that I was getting overwhelmed.

I learned how to do breathing exercises and grounding exercises. I used these to help slow down my thoughts and feelings.

I kept a journal of all the things that caused me to feel and what I was feeling. this way I developed a list that I could use to better understand what feelings were and how they related to me and my life and learned how to make plans in such a way that encountering these extreme triggers would allow me to still feel but not get over whelmed by what I was feeling.

Darkness and meditation became my friends. sometimes when I would be getting hit with so many feelings, I would find a quiet darker location and take a moment to just be. Sometimes holding a favorite blanket, object.

I would also turn to my wife. I dont know how many times I have looked at her and said hold me and she would for as long as I needed her to.

I would also go out in nature for a walk or rowing my canoe around the lake, physical activity for me helps to calm and ground.

over time you will discover what works for you when you are going through this new and strange territory called integration of alters merging together with you to become one whole person again, if this is what it is for you.

[cheshiregrins]

^^ Thanks! That's encouraging to hear that someone else has been through the process, and that it's a normal part of integration. I figured it was, in a way. I feel like I'm coming back to life- like I've been watching life on TV all this time and now I'm watching actual REAL people. I did make an emergency, extra appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday. He asked me what I was experiencing; how I saw him etc. and I said he was "three dimensional," LOL. It's really odd. I'm upping my mood stabilizer to quiet down my brain a bit during the process.

The world needs a volume switch so I can turn it down!!

[cheshiregrins]

Originally Posted by Shaly78

Surely, you have an alter (s) that can better handle life on a day to day basis during times like this at your place of employment. As for that during your communication time as for relief person, how ever you make it personal to your system. Make sure you got good concentration that is also apart of PTSD symptoms. I sometimes need those, not here moments so that we're completely within ourselves to block out the environment as much as possible. Sometimes it works wonderfully, other times it seems like a complete disaster and I'm all out of wack over simulated and can't regain my sense of being at work to complete work duties, being my best self. I'm guessing you don't live openly plural, so yea I know it is tough trying to stay covert with all the challenges.

I guess that's the thing- I have "Work Me" that can better handle being at work in a busy library, most of the time, but when I go to a mall, for example, I'm No One. I don't have a role at those times, so I can't handle the noise/people etc. I suppose I just revert to being one of my default child parts that can't deal with the world, since there's no one else.