Sherri: We are beginning to understand what it truly is because even though we are co-conscience....it's only enough to link us together in a somewhat cohesive manner, but not enough to function as a singleton- at least that's our version of it. The memories stay with the one that experiences them and it's like the light never goes out....even when the body is somewhat "asleep": that's a lot why we drink- to shut down and escape. Sad, very sad.

Our inner world is dark and gray with hundreds of Other's standing by in formation, ready to perform their appointed duty....aware and ready to step in because being discovered or regarded as strange is our greatest fear (even though you can stamp a great big red 'FAIL' on it).

It's like I have no idea what the workers do all day- I just know that they work because I'm like really sore and tired all the time , but I do know what I did or say the other day- sorta.

This goes for the Others too...in their own conscienceness. After years of experience (like 45 of them), we still get confused and conflicted, but able to act our way out if it....or until recent where we have gotten tired of pretending to be who we are not but an image- the image of who we want the world to think we are. For this reason we have never sought help....fooling those around us.... But especially ourselves. We've finally pulled the blinders off and wish to seek treatment, but our insurance is about to refuse coverage. It's all so vexing. Our anxiety of late has been just awful, driving our blood pressure sky high. I fear we will die of a heart attack before any rectifying can begin. Just saying.

[Skeezyks]

The Skeezyks has, from time-to-time, fantasized about actually revealing to someone (presumably a therapist) all that has gone on with him in the most private parts of his life. What would that be like? Would it make any difference. (Probably not.) The reality is... he will never, ever do so. It would be completely & totally humiliating beyond imagination (the Skeezyks' or anybody else's.)

The Skeezyks also gets tired of the never-ending battle to be someone he is not. (Nobody knows him at all.) But that is the way it has always been. That is the way it will always be. (At least he's become skilled at it over the years.) On the other hand, the thought that someone else might actually be able to "pull the blinders off" & seek treatment is uplifting. So the Skeezyks offers his best wishes with the hope that you will be able to pry coverage loose from your insurer's tight-fisted grip.

You know, after a lifetime of pain, we don't care anymore. We spent a lifetime hiding which ultimately resulted in no help and a lifetime of misery. So now, we are being more judiciously open about it.