[cheshiregrins]

Where is that line between pushing yourself to fit into the normal world and believing you can achieve anything etc., and accepting your limitations/disabilities and realizing that you might have to take a step back?

I've work in non professional jobs for years, pretty much okay, and started working at a professional, masters level job 7 months ago. I keep pushing, but honestly it is killing me. It's not the work but mostly the social aspect and hiding/managing my DID etc. The presentations are the worst. I get so scared my child part is right up front and then it feels like I'm abusing my child self by putting her under so much stress. I take a benzo but then I just look stoned and I'm robotic and don't connect with anyone. My presentation yesterday was a disaster, maybe not in reality but in how much stress it put me through. I honestly feel like packing my bags and just running away.

The thought of more and more months of this makes me sick. I'm literally in crisis mode today stuck in bed. But then I think I should keep trying, maybe I'll learn, if it doesn't kill me in the meantime? I want to be able to work at this type of job but I am crazy to keep pushing myself?

[Skeezyks]

Hello cheshiregrins: The Skeezyks spent many years doing professional jobs he detested, was ill-suited for, & was not good at. In the beginning, he thought that, by exposing himself to work that required him to do things for which he was psychologically unsuited, he would eventually overcome his fears & anxiety. It never happened. He just kept stumbling along until, in the end, it all just unraveled.

There is a book by an author I admire named Parker J. Palmer: Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation. In this book Palmer asserts that before we decide what we want to do with our lives, we should listen for what it is our lives intend to do with us. Simply put, we all have things we're good at & things we're not. Trying to force yourself down a path that you simply lack abilities for is just self-abusive. I wish you well...

[Lost_in_the_woods]

hope things calm down soon. We have not worked in yrs cuz things got so bad and we were so beatdown after yrs of getting fired from job after job and not knowing what went wrong or just not being ableto ne ccobsisten enough to be on time and not showing up. Hope that doesnt hapoen to you. Sounds like you have been doing good with work for a longtime so hope it is just a passing storm.

[kecanoe]

I love Parker Palmer also

[Shaly78]

Your feelings are valid the presentation went okay but the after effect is most damaging please don't allow those pushy competitive ones to make you over work cause your safety and the Littles are most important. .I don't care what an employer knows it will hold u back and hurt ur self esteem.

[elevatedsoul]

i cant.. thats the line, is that ok..?

[Fuzzybear]

[cheshiregrins]

Thanks for the replies. I found the line Two back to back presentations last week, too much fear, distorted reality and I snapped. Now I literally can't work at the moment because I'm too depressed. Lesson learned. Don't push too hard.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

You found that line Cheshire? I bet it was "in a really safe place"... right where you left it last time...right? j/k lol