[Jennifer1084]

My parts are starting to come back again I think. Since the assault, I really have not heard from any of them or switched much, at least not that I am aware of. The other night I did switch and I got hurt by one of them. I am not sure who it was and I am not sure why either. I am a little scared though. I wasn't hurt real bad, but bad enough. I am hoping that I will be able to better control it all. I am just really struggling. I have been losing more time also. I know I have been dissociating, not necassarily switching though. There are times that I am just not completely there and times when I am not there at all.
With the assault situation, they still have not found him. Though he has now been on the local news and the newspaper and there is a warrant for his arrest. They are also offereing a reward for any information now. I am still having to go to wound care, I've been going for almost 11 weeks now and the assault happened 12 weeks ago today, this is going to be a hard day for me. I am pretty freaked out about all of this. I am just hoping that I will make it through. I am also hoping that he will not just get away with what happened, but I am afraid he is going to. Well I will try to keep you updated. Oh and I may even have to have surgery again because of the assault. Well because my wound from my incision is not healing. I am hoping it doesn't have to go that far. But I have a week for it to heal or I have to see a surgeon. it is still 5 cm deep , so about 2 inches deep, that is not good at all. Well I better go for now and get some rest because I have been sick along with all of this.

Jennifer

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((((((((((((Jennifer))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am thinking of you and hoping you heal both physically and emotionally soon. Please take care.

BB

Jennifer... I'm wishing you the best. Are you able to talk with your T about this? Maybe you can devise a plan to keep you safe. maybe something self-soothing would help.

[Jennifer1084]

Last night was not a good night. At all. I started to fall apart. Last night was the mark of 3 months after the assault. My mind would not quit trying to make sense of all of what happened and why it was a hard day. My mind does this often. I was actually trying to use numbers and find a logical way that it made sense. For example, the number 24 comes up in alot of my artwork and so I would take the number 24 and divide it by 3 because it has been 3 months and then I would be left with 8, which makes sense because I have been hurt by 8 people. So my mind just continuously did that over and over again all night long. I tried to get some help with it and the nurses, here where I live, did not understand what I have been going through and therefor did not want to even listen. So I got upset and hurt and I started to cry hysterically. and that did not make matters any better. I was already having flashbacks of the emergency room visit all day and so this kind of pushed it over and they got more extreme. Well I won't tell everything about last night, but that was difficult for me. So I guess they called my mom, which I do not agree with at all. Well becacuse she is one of them people who has hurt me. I quit cryiing almost as soon as she came, I hid all of my feelings and stuffed everything. Sop that is not a good thing at all. Well thank you all for your constant concern and compassion during this hard time. I really do appreciate it. Thank you.

Jennifer