maybe not a trigger, but just to be safe - ? about parts

I often experience something and need to know if others do also - i'm trying to word this carefully so that ppl know i'm safe and not talking about suicide or anything, but that this is something i deal with a lot and don't know... i'm not explaining this well.
ok - so i have about 12-ish parts within; 8 (give or take) are working on living and trying to get by), 3 at times encourage me to get rid of myself, and one does si on the body.
Last night the one who does si did her part. then after that
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.ok i'm just going to say this - i am safe and not wanting to do anything wrong... hoping this doesn't trigger, ... i am just sort of scared and need to know what to do and don't have a good, solid relationship with new t yet to ask...
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So i was digging through the fridge last night after the si and one of those 3 parts told me to just curl up inside the fridge on the bottom there and let the door close. which of course, one cannot open a fridge from the inside and ppl expire. and i saw the image very clearly and felt the body moving toward the urge, and jummped up real quick and ran from the kitchen. i knew i couldn't go back in there because right then i wasn't "safe" to be alone with myself. i was going to call a crisis line but couldn't. so i called a friend and asked them to be on the phone with me until i ate dinner and left the house.

ok- so my question is, do others here have parts that want to harm them? or try to get them to do away with them selves? if so, how do you deal with that? i don't know how serious to take these urges. so far, in 30 years, i'ver not had a single suicide attempt - even though the brain has acted out enough times already to last a whole lifetime. But the urges are so strong sometimes; pull out in front of traffic, fall off the balcony, etc..... i don't always feel safe in my own mind and that is freaky.

=( the system.

**** TRIG *****

I have things like that all the time. Alot when driving.. and going over bridges or putting myself in situations where i might be raped. I feel it that part with a desire to be hurt or to hurt me. I wonder why it wants so bad to die. I'd talk to your T about it .. especially if you feel it becoming more regular and disturbing.

Some parts may be in so much pain and they don't know how to cope. Can you connect with them and try to support them? Considering how strong some of these urges are I would consider contacting your t and letting them know how you are feeling. I think it is great you called a friend and got to a safe place. Please don't feel alone as I too have had these urges and don't think it is uncommon. Please do what you need to stay safe.

BB

I have experienced this.

For example, in my second last apartment I noticed a few times while sitting on the roof (we had a little accessible roof you could climb up on from the second bedroom and sit) I would get the strangest urge to just...step off the edge. I had to literally stop sitting up there because I was afraid that one day I would not be able to stop myself from just stepping off. It was bizarre, and not even like I felt as if I wanted to die or anything, just an urge to just step off and see what happened.

How did i deal with it? well stopping being in that environment helped, and making sure to ground myself if/when i got a weird urge was important. I also noticed that the times i felt the urge i was very stressed or disconnected. Could it have been the actions of another part or intentions of another part? well yeah, i think it could have been. I have experienced random coconciousness with other parts where I am unable to control the body but am still aware so it could definetly have something to do with that.

*********** Trigger*******

Yes, I too have experienced this.. my car into a tree.. a bottle of pills in my hand..... the urge.. the fight to contain the urge...

As we become more co-consious - the urge has very much lessened.. the alters share the pain with the other alters... so the strong alters actually are able to help ease the pain... and the urge lessens..for me..

edited to put on trigger...

I think as long as the "majority" are in favor of living/getting by, they'll stop the one(s) who aren't. You'll run out of the room, call the friend/hot line, etc. and stay safe. I was once concerned I was going to throw myself out my high rise window and I called and made a dentist's appointment instead! In the space of that 5-10 minutes things shifted and the situation was changed and I was "safe" (and distracted/had been thinking about making the appointment instead of so intensely concentrated on whether I was going to kill myself or not). I would talk to your T, like everyone suggests and think of ways you can get help quickly when one of you feels afraid. Just figuring out how to break the concentration of the one making bad suggestions should help.

Wow... ok... this is really helpful because all this time i thought it was just me who did this and that i was ... i dunno... out of it. i've been afraid to tell a T or anyone because i thought they'd think that was nuts. It feels so serious in that moment - like life really is being held in the balance. then it passes and i think "what was that!?" and don't call. But this last one, the moment didn't leave me because this time i wasn't driving (yes bridges and pulling in front of traffic are common thoughts during those times). THis was in my house and so that was why i called a friend.

Has anyone called a crisis line to deal with that? If so, how did they handle it? Was it all right?
Thanks everyone, kiya

Well, i had T tonight... this was when I was supposed to tell her about the urges that some parts cause who want to be rid of me... which i did, but i did so in an offhand way as if they really aren't a problem. She gave me permission to email her, so tonight i emailed what really happened. Well, i wrote it, then went to email it and found out her name has a whole bunch of letters after it. Her degrees are listed as PMHNP, PsyD. That's like half the alphebet right there. So would i be correct in thinking that means Psych Mental Health Nurse Practitioner? Seeing all those, I re-thought my sending that email after all. But i think i trust her. I like how even-keeled she is - she's down to earth, non emotional, yet sympathetic. I sent it finally. I've only known the woman 3 days.
Kiya