Mixed ANP and EP parts (or 'quartenary dissociation')

So I read this earlier:

Mixed Apparently Normal and Emotional Parts

In some cases of dissociative identity disorder, some alters may be neither apparently normal nor emotional parts but a combination of both. This phenomenon is often associated with severe childhood trauma and can indicate that the trauma began at a very young age or that the trauma bled over into daily life in such a way as to prevent the normal differentiation between apparently normal and emotional parts. Parts may be more like either apparently normal parts or emotional parts, and some parts may still fit into the neat dichotomy entirely, but such systems might also have more blended parts. For example, there might be traumatic identity states who are mature, are capable of remaining rational and grounded, and have full access to their memories of the traumas that they experienced or have neutral identity states who struggle with intense emotions, both negative and positive PTSD symptoms, and have some degree of memory for what the traumatic identity states experienced (even if this knowledge of their history is inconsistent or mostly intellectual instead of emotional). This could even be thought of as a type of quaternary structural dissociation in which individual parts have their own internal ANP and EP states. Systems with these less defined boundaries are thought to struggle more than more traditional DID systems because their ANP are less able to separate themselves from the trauma and so present as normal.

and it resonated quite a lot with me. We have quite a few of these 'mixed' type parts, and I have wondered before about how or why that was. This theory makes sense to me... or at least gives me another tool for self understanding.
While growing up our family presented as completely normal to the outside world... and yet it could all switch in an instant. We have a few alts that function as front parts (as in take care of daily activities) but yet experienced some abuse (one in particular I am thinking of who has her own alter who took some of her more severe abuse); we have me, who used to be more internal and knew of abuse stuff in an intellectual way, but who now functions as host and leader of the system.
It just all makes me curious as to how it all develops and works. We had severe ongoing abuse in our daily life and from multiple sources since we were very young yet I would describe the way our dissociation works as 'fluid' - not as very distinct and separate as some people describe it. But at the same time it is distinct and separate. While there can be a 'bleeding' of knowledge, emotion and experience in the moment, there seems to be a clean up process of sorts that can effectively maintain the amnesiac barriers.
(Ha - does anyone else over-intellectualize everything like I do?!)
Anyway, I had long since accepted that our brand of our multi-fragmented nd sometimes fluid dissociation was exactly as it was in us because that was exactly as it needed to be, but it was interesting to read a theory that makes sense of it.
Anyone else relate to this?

I think it makes sense from the standpoint of, if a child is in an environment where "apparently normal" is actually abusive circumstances, maybe if they are isolated from the world by an abusive family for example, then an EP would need to take on ANP-like functions. If there is no point in time when the person could feel that "I'm fine, I haven't been hurt." Then at least partial hurt is better than the truth.

I'm not sure if I can relate to it or not, probably not, but I also take the standpoint that you said here:

I have looked for theories that described my experience and never totally felt that way. It's because I wanted to feel like there was some kind of empirical document I could show to other people that would make my pain objectively valid and make it feel valid to have so much buried need for support and nurturing. But people never understood me when I took that approach (and also I did not feel supported, only more and more alone.) I realized that 99% of the time people are only going to have a partial understanding of this more clinical/theoretical perspective and even if they understand the theory they might not apply it correctly to an individual person.

But, they do understand and can work with the emotions themselves.

Over-intellectualizing is a defensive reaction to over-feeling. While the feelings are being analyzed and examined they are not being felt. It's like they're put on pause. I think that compulsion to find an explanation for the emotions is the most explanatory thing of all. It's like, counter-motivation. It directly indicates how badly we do not want to have to feel them.

wow.... thanks for sharing this bit

i thought about this before, but since i often have trouble focusing i never really went deep with it.. think i may explore a bit more..

hearts

I can definitely relate to that. Emotional experience isn't really 'in my job description', shall we say!

I think i get it. Yeah lots of us me and the other ones with me had bad stuff happen but we do outside stuff to. Then we got lots of us who remember bad things that wasnt really happenin to us but somebody else but we know what hepppen to them but when we think about that well then its not real upseting to us more like oh yeah that happen. Most the time its both them two things we had bad stuff and we know about other ones bad stuff to. Only a few of us never know any bad stuff. But most of us always been in groups and one group maybe know all about one thing then the other group not knowin so much about that but lots about another thing. We complicated. Lulz.

We always been real switchy and lots of us know enough to not get found out. It woulda been real hard for us if we all was missin lots of stuff the other ones did cuz then wed been walkin around all lost all the time not knowin what we hadta do or go or nothin like what desk is mine and where my house and who that guy or that lady? But cuz we groups its easy for us to be switchy we just go from one us to the other maybe lots of times in a real short time. Most the time if you in a group with other ones you know all about what them other ones be knowin about. Info share.

We got a clean up process but his name is south and he a trash can.He like a filter for feelings so we dont gets to nutso. Lulz. We usta have morre like that one but they do other stuff now. They aint filters no more. We still filter eachother tho. For me i dont feel no feelings for whats hard for my one sister and she dont feel nothin bout whats hard for me but we both know what the others feelin about. I dont know how come it work like that but it does.

Sorry i talk lots. I dont know howta say that without explainin it like that.

Thank you Luce for starting this thread. I've thought about it much. It makes amazing sense to me and I can totally relate to it myself.

I've always tried to explain, put words to it, describe it and here it is.

When I become "not ALL me" it's like I feel a difference but can't put my finger on it. Depending on what happens next, in the situation I'm in and what's happening next,... I don't have words to explain it. Your post says it all. It's like I'm there, but I'm not. Sometimes, it's like a strange vacuum feeling, nothing noticeable to anyone around me, but it's like I become a passenger. I'm there, I'm listening to me talk and interact with people - but it's not me! I don't know any other way to explain it.

Does that make sense? I so hope that I have found someone that gets it!!

It truly is like something "overlaps" me and I step back, but not as a decision, if that makes sense (usually in distress or overstimulation) and this part just picks up where I left off. Only, it's not me anymore having the conversation or interaction. I'm watching it. It IS fluid and seamless. When that happens, it sometimes is days later that I fit the pieces back together. Sometimes it's just fragmented memories of a conversation that I can't remember all of. Very frustrating and a bit scary.

May I ask where you got the information that you originally posted? I would love to read more about this.

It's good to know someone else can relate!
I found it here: ANP and EP

Thank you!!

Great Thread Luce! Thanx for this! I feel like I've read this mixed anp/ep thing before...idk. But definitely have parts who are both. Things are shifty at in a goodish way maybe...some full and partial intergration has been happening so I look at the mixed stuff as part of the process maybe?
Me n Hollz are shimmering back and forth lately again Which is good stuff mostly but I'm kinda,waiting for the fallout I'm sorry

I just wish there was more research in this whole area of dissociation. There is so much more to learn about how little human beings respond to trauma (and thus how to best support them).

Yes Luce... I hope soon.... I think sometimes how someone perceive something changes things greatly... Reality is perception after all...