I am just wondering how the rest of your system responds, when A little asks someone new to the system, if they can be his/ her mommy?

alicia did that today. not sure how to really feel about it- I mean on 1 hand sure, our mom abandoned us and the little ones like alicia are naturally going to ask

but then.. none of us know her. so, it's kinda odd

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

I am just wondering how the rest of your system responds, when A little asks someone new to the system, if they can be his/ her mommy?

alicia did that today. not sure how to really feel about it- I mean on 1 hand sure, our mom abandoned us and the little ones like alicia are naturally going to ask

but then.. none of us know her. so, it's kinda odd

we never had a new one develop in our internal system. short version all my alters were created due to extreme trauma. each of my alters had their own sense of agency ( jobs, purposes, reasons for being created how much control , co consciousness and so on that they had) as a result of this kind of internal system there was an alter that made sure that needs were met as a way to prevent being harmed by crying, or otherwise making others outside of my body know they existed or that the body born or those resided with in needed care taking or other needs.

example if Rainy was crying because she was scared, then eagle would take control and make sure there was no danger near by and be able to move swiftly out of harms way,

another example if Red was close to throwing a temper tantrum because she needed a drink of water Sunny who knew how to do that took control, got the cup down and put water in the cup, then red took control back and drank the water.

All of my alters were like this with their own sense of agency, the system was set up in what ever ways was needed in order to survive.

my suggestion is since you know this alter is asking another inside the system to be their mother you have some sort of co consciousness with your alters. maybe you can also ask inside to see which of your alters sense of agency is to make sure every ones needs are met. maybe you can ask this / those alters if they can be more attentive to the systems needs because you are not able to do that for your self at this time.

or if you can do things like self nurturing self parenting maybe doing whats needed for you will filter down to this alter who feels they need a mother figure.

example sometimes if I could feel Rainy needed to curl up with her blanket I (body born) would find her blanket and sit on the sofa wrapped in the blanket, this self cuddling time filtered through to rainy.

[elevatedsoul]

whats it feel like having one ask something like that, or asking you for something

[finding_my_way]

i haven't had it be asked of new people or thought of in that way of new people..but i have had some littles see certain online friends i have as someone they look up to, though more like a sibling...but my friends aren't able/willing to be that for them. it has weirded me out a bit when one feels that way about a friend of mine cuz i wouldn't really think the friends would be 'good' per se to fulfill that kind of role just knowing what i do of them in general.

it makes me sad because the littles want/need that kind of nurturing, and it's not me they come to for it...i don't know if it has to do with not really knowing me or it's just how it is...but i would be ok with it if an external person would take on that role as if it's what is needed by a little, it can help them heal too..so to deny that would deny their needs and not help them to feel safe.

when one of mine wanted to talk to someone i know online (it was kind of more a co conscious type situation), i made sure to ask my friend first (but they didn't want to talk to that little at that time). i made sure to set boundaries about what not to say (adult stuff) so the potential trigger/harm factor wasn't an issue..that would be something i would worry about when it comes to littles and new people..just not knowing what the person is like..so i had to try to explain to the little a few things at that time.

[elevatedsoul]

could one be "in love" with someone inappropriate?

amanda can you pm me? not sure whats wrong...