[whispers_inthedark]

people at school keep talking about dissociation. last night i was meeting with my small group at a resturant and it was really fun and then one of them brought up how she thinks our teacher has different personalities (just joking of course). it turned into a thirty minute conversation about dissociative identity disorder and they were calling it multiple personality disorder and there are only three people in the group i'm in and it was getting so suffocating. no one at school in that class knows i have DID and i dont want to talk to them about it, especially since it's still undiagnosed (current therapist is fairly new) and i doubt my own symptoms a lot of the time. it was just super frustrating and i didnt know how to change the subject without giving away my 'secret.' and i don't want them to find out, they'd just gossip and talk about it without me there and that scares me. does anyone have ideas to change the subject or move on or somehow tell them im scared of the subject without letting on that i know a lot about it? im also high functioning, i work over 20 hours a week and i go to school full time in university and the woman they were specifically talking about sounded like she was psychotic and now im scared that if they find out they'll expect something different of me or watch me really close or something. i dont know.

also people are reroofing the house i live in and theyre right next to my window right now and im crying because theyre so close and so loud. there's hammer sounds and really loud shingle dropping sounds that are shaking my room. whole system is freaking out and i've been trying to calm down but this is just really frustrating and last night was enough frustration and fear without this on top of it. sorry for the post, i know it doesn't really make a ton of sense. im sorry.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by whispers_inthedark

people at school keep talking about dissociation. last night i was meeting with my small group at a resturant and it was really fun and then one of them brought up how she thinks our teacher has different personalities (just joking of course). it turned into a thirty minute conversation about dissociative identity disorder and they were calling it multiple personality disorder and there are only three people in the group i'm in and it was getting so suffocating. no one at school in that class knows i have DID and i dont want to talk to them about it, especially since it's still undiagnosed (current therapist is fairly new) and i doubt my own symptoms a lot of the time. it was just super frustrating and i didnt know how to change the subject without giving away my 'secret.' and i don't want them to find out, they'd just gossip and talk about it without me there and that scares me. does anyone have ideas to change the subject or move on or somehow tell them im scared of the subject without letting on that i know a lot about it? im also high functioning, i work over 20 hours a week and i go to school full time in university and the woman they were specifically talking about sounded like she was psychotic and now im scared that if they find out they'll expect something different of me or watch me really close or something. i dont know.

also people are reroofing the house i live in and theyre right next to my window right now and im crying because theyre so close and so loud. there's hammer sounds and really loud shingle dropping sounds that are shaking my room. whole system is freaking out and i've been trying to calm down but this is just really frustrating and last night was enough frustration and fear without this on top of it. sorry for the post, i know it doesn't really make a ton of sense. im sorry.

I never had a problem with being in this kind of situation before I was integrated (before I and my alters became one whole person again) the way my system was set up is any time I encountered a trigger (anything that made me feel like you posted) I would dissociate and another alter would take control and deal with the the situations that I could not deal with.

that said after integration sometimes situations like this would cause me problems because I no longer had alters to switch into. how I handled this kind of situation was going to the restroom. the body and brain are an amazing thing, you cant control bodily functions. when you got to go you got to go, its a normal fact of having a human body that eats. if something goes in the digestive tract the left overs must come out by way of the digestive tract. so going to the restroom while out in public is a completely normal thing human beings do. because its normal thing everyone does doing so doesnt reveal any secrets.

suggestion talk with your treatment providers, they will be able to help you make a plan of action that is right for you, for the next time you are in this situation.

[whispers_inthedark]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

I never had a problem with being in this kind of situation before I was integrated (before I and my alters became one whole person again) the way my system was set up is any time I encountered a trigger (anything that made me feel like you posted) I would dissociate and another alter would take control and deal with the the situations that I could not deal with.

that said after integration sometimes situations like this would cause me problems because I no longer had alters to switch into. how I handled this kind of situation was going to the restroom. the body and brain are an amazing thing, you cant control bodily functions. when you got to go you got to go, its a normal fact of having a human body that eats. if something goes in the digestive tract the left overs must come out by way of the digestive tract. so going to the restroom while out in public is a completely normal thing human beings do. because its normal thing everyone does doing so doesnt reveal any secrets.

suggestion talk with your treatment providers, they will be able to help you make a plan of action that is right for you, for the next time you are in this situation.

thank you so much <3 i forgot i see my therapist tuesday, i'll mention it to her. bathroom is a great idea. im co-conscious almost constantly when i switch, esp in public because my anxiety is so high i can't dissociate to a point that i can't remember things. so i think even if an alter took over i would have had to hear it (that goes for both the roof and the conversation with friends). i guess i've identified an area to work on and work through my anxiety with. thank you for your reply x