[Luce]

I had forgotten (dissociated?) how very much we hate Christmas. Blindly ignored it leading up to it. but you know, bought presents and stuff. Then our outside kids got excited today and wanted to listen to Christmas music and, and.... I just can't deal with it. It's crashing in on me. Triggers everywhere. Memories flooding my mind like disco balls refracting light everywhere. Its just me and the two kids, trying to hold it together for them but not doing so well. Inside is very scattered and distraught.
I wish I could turn the Christmas carols off. They are like torture devices.

Originally Posted by Luce

I had forgotten (dissociated?) how very much we hate Christmas. Blindly ignored it leading up to it. but you know, bought presents and stuff. Then our outside kids got excited today and wanted to listen to Christmas music and, and.... I just can't deal with it. It's crashing in on me. Triggers everywhere. Memories flooding my mind like disco balls refracting light everywhere. Its just me and the two kids, trying to hold it together for them but not doing so well. Inside is very scattered and distraught.
I wish I could turn the Christmas carols off. They are like torture devices.

((((((hugs))))

it's almost over- just 1 day

can you get the kids headphones, and then you won't have to listen to them at all

not a single carol.

[elevatedsoul]

I concur, more alcohol please!

We are alone this year...just us and the Chihuahua, sitting here in mentally ill silence, staring at dust bunnies doing nothing. Feeling mentally, emotionally, and spiritually numb.

The kid went cross country to his aunt for 2 weeks. He already opened his gifts and there is one left for me that I bought....underwear.

Growing up Christmas time always felt like a farce, weird, cold, anxious, we stayed distant through most of it.

I want to sleep the next 3 days away if not forever.