what would your therapist do?

Everything Luce said (and others who refer to identifying triggers) is pretty much how it works with my therapist. I thought I had an introject, which was the first one to show up, and my therapist asked if she could ask a question and he (the one I thought was an introject) replied so immediately, I was shocked. She said he was not an introject, but I am not sure why or how she knew that. Maybe it's something that presents differently and she's seen enough in her years working with d id to know. I'm not really sure.

She worked with him so well, it was like sitting in on someone else's therapy. She did the opposite of what I wanted (I wanted to crush this rotten creep into oblivion) and got me on board to take a similar approach. It's been a long haul, and there has been worse than him, but it seems to all boil down to working on communication, finding out what each one needs, what they are triggered by, and getting everyone to stop taking out rage internally. I was jealous of him for a long time, and still get twinges, because my therapist takes a lot of care with him and another one who has been abusive to me and tries to shut down therapy.

Long story short, after she started working with him and getting me to not want to destroy him, others started to become known. The main work so far has been building communication, finding out what each one is triggered by and needs.

My therapist accepts everyone and I can tell most times that they feel this and respond to her kindness. I learn from how she is with them, how I need to be. I don't always like my role, but I am stuck with it and making the best of things as I can. It's really hard to describe the therapy relationship because there are so many different ones, but my therapist manages to adjust pretty easily to each. I will always think of her as my therapist, though, and it's hard to share.

I second everything Ruh Roh said! I also wanted to add:
I asked this previously destructive one why she helped me (not really even expecting an answer, because I have limited cocon with her) and she started crying. She was finally able to say that she helped me because I had helped her - we had included her when we created the objects to show our t (we didn't include any other non-front ones) and she felt our care for her. So she was constructive instead of destructive because she felt loved. She felt cared for. She felt accepted.
And that right there, I reckon, is the real key.
But of course I know it is not an easy process when your only experience of them is their hatred and desire to obliterate you. But the way through to change for us was definitely through understanding, communication, recognition and acceptance.