Dissociating more since being less psychotic

Since I am less psychotic and living more in the present dissociation has gotten more noticiable...

I feel a party inside my head

I have a main dissociative... entity? The one that's next to me, rational one... and me a bit more emotional but still rational. Like in my signature picture.

Then.... there are those little memories with some personality, feelings and ideas... the little girl that cries but nobody hears, weh, it's far and deep inside my head.

I have been always suprised... how I don't feel the trauma... I think it's because of dissociation.

I was born in a really dysfunctional family, my mother thought I was born to destroy her life, she used me like a punching bag (literally until I was 10-11) and ignored the sexual abuse from my father. It was living hell, everything was my fault... Never went to the same school for more than 1 year, sometimes I changed many times a year because teachers suspected something was wrong, ugh... never made friends... I was mostly isolated in a room...

I don't have too many visual memories, it's like I was born when I became 18 and left all of this.

I lived to survive, I lived to run away from there and that was all I could think on. I don't understand life really well, I still feel surpirsed at how people enjoy, how chilly they are, how violent things doesn't happen at any time... but I don't feel traumatized...

My trauma is buried deep deep deep in a child-like form.

Does this make sense? Can anyone relate?

i don't have a memory, besides 2-3 traumas, but even those are far away .. i guess i have amnesia

i've been the same age for many many years

im glad you were able to leave it, im still in the middle of some form of dysfunction at 27 due to not being able to survive on my own :/ (totally sucks...)

but i do have others that i become in order to survive, its just really confusing... would think i could become someone else just to get out of this place