[Michael W. Harris]

When I was a toddler, newborn to three, my two year older brother tormented me daily. It went on so much m my Dad got sick of it and quit taking us out to restaurants. All day long this game went on. My brother would torment me and I would cry.

I do not know when Mom started doing this, but when I would go to her crying and try to tell her that my brother was hurting me, more emotionally than physically, she would start laughing. I now know she was emoting but at the time it screwed my brain up. I would cry and then laugh, meekly. Then I would cry again. Then I would laugh meekly again. It really screwed me up bad.

I understand her sick logic now but at the time I was a toddler. She was trying in a sick way to let me know that the abuse was not so terrible. Well if I could have removed my feelings from my loved ones, I probably would not have a dissociative disorder. Toddlers do not know how to do those things!

My whole childhood my brother abused me and my parents never tried to talk to me about that relationship. They never explained to me what was going on. They never told me that my brother was sick. They told me that his abuse was normal. They never told me how to solve the problem!

So I went through my childhood in a mild state of shock and had a mild case of PTSD the whole time. This was brought on by non-stop psychological trauma and emotional pain.

My Mother and Brother destroyed any chance that I would be a normal human by the time I was three.

[Skeezyks]

I myself was an only child... born into an elderly extended family. The next youngest person to me was my mother. And she was approaching middle age when I was born. The extended family I grew up with (maternal grandmother, aunts & uncles) were all born in the late 1800's. I don't know what happened with me that screwed me up from the very beginning. But something did. (I do have one or two ideas. But I can't be certain they ever even actually happened. And there's been no one left to ask for many years... not that I ever would have anyway.) So it's all just a big black hole in the center of my psyche. The good thing is that at this point I'm getting old. And the older I get... the less any of it matters anymore.

[Michael W. Harris]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

I myself was an only child... born into an elderly extended family. The next youngest person to me was my mother. And she was approaching middle age when I was born. The extended family I grew up with (maternal grandmother, aunts & uncles) were all born in the late 1800's. I don't know what happened with me that screwed me up from the very beginning. But something did. (I do have one or two ideas. But I can't be certain they ever even actually happened. And there's been no one left to ask for many years... not that I ever would have anyway.) So it's all just a big black hole in the center of my psyche. The good thing is that at this point I'm getting old. And the older I get... the less any of it matters anymore.

I am getting old also. But I need closure on this dissociative disorder thing. It does not look like that will happen. I will be sixty-two in October. I still have to financially take care of myself but no one will hire me. I can apply for early social security in October.

I moved from Lake City, Florida to Athens, Georgia thinking that the problem that I was having with mental health professionals was Florida related. It is not. This VA Clinic would not talk to me about dissociative disorders either. So I probably will go back to Lake City, even though all my remaining family/old friends are here. Without financial stability it is better if I put myself back in the Jenkins Veterans Domiciliary in Lake City. It is a very good facility for poor veterans.

At my age I really cannot be cured anyway.

You're never too old and it's never too late to heal Michael.

I understand that you can't find anyone that will diagnose you and treat you for a dissociative disorder,but you could still go to therapy and work on all the things you struggle with like alcohol,anger,depression,self esteem,etc. and get support and guidance with improving your quality of life and change your situation.You can work on grounding skills,work on new ways to cope,change negative beliefs about yourself and the world,there's so many things you could work on in therapy that would be helpful for you.

There's no age limit on self improvement.

.

Originally Posted by Michael W. Harris

When I was a toddler, newborn to three, my two year older brother tormented me daily. It went on so much m my Dad got sick of it and quit taking us out to restaurants. All day long this game went on. My brother would torment me and I would cry.

I do not know when Mom started doing this, but when I would go to her crying and try to tell her that my brother was hurting me, more emotionally than physically, she would start laughing. I now know she was emoting but at the time it screwed my brain up. I would cry and then laugh, meekly. Then I would cry again. Then I would laugh meekly again. It really screwed me up bad.

I understand her sick logic now but at the time I was a toddler. She was trying in a sick way to let me know that the abuse was not so terrible. Well if I could have removed my feelings from my loved ones, I probably would not have a dissociative disorder. Toddlers do not know how to do those things!

My whole childhood my brother abused me and my parents never tried to talk to me about that relationship. They never explained to me what was going on. They never told me that my brother was sick. They told me that his abuse was normal. They never told me how to solve the problem!

So I went through my childhood in a mild state of shock and had a mild case of PTSD the whole time. This was brought on by non-stop psychological trauma and emotional pain.

My Mother and Brother destroyed any chance that I would be a normal human by the time I was three.

I'm sorry that you went through that,being tormented daily by your brother and not having anyone to step in and protect you from him.It was obviously more than just sibling rivalry.Maybe that's what your Mother just assumed it was and didn't realize how bad it was,maybe she didn't see it as abuse?Or maybe she had experienced abuse herself so for her it was normal?Could be many different reasons.

I know what caused it for me.(I typed it out but then deleted it for privacy reasons,I just couldn't leave it here.) It took alot of therapy to realize the situation I was born and raised in was abnormal and that what I experienced was abuse,I didn't know because it was all I ever knew,so it was normal for me.

[dlantern]

A trend in society will have a parent think about that possibly. It is mostly doing what they want to do not anything about mental health in most cases. I understand a therapist saying something alone the lines of this but mostly it if our parent were educated they might have thought twice about allowing things to happen.