[MtnTime2896]

I know why I travel over to this part of PC. I know why I "wake up" and I'm here. I know what draws me to wanting to confess everything...but I can't.

I want to talk about it, but I can't and therefore I don't. I can't admit to the evidence strung out before my eyes and I can't accept what it means and what it's telling me.

Admitting that admits too much and I just can't.

I don't know why I'm writing this. Maybe it's some weak attempt to see if somebody else understands. Maybe it's self reflection. Maybe I just don't know how else to express this. Either way, it's here and I'm having a hard time figuring out how to survive like this.

I first came to PC because I was trying to figure out what was going on with me. Posting at PC did help somewhat in that regard. Whether via a prayer, a T, a friend, or here if you need to "confess more" about yourself, you will do it when you are ready. There is a saying: Confession is good for the soul. Good luck in your journey towards recovery. I am rooting for you and hope you find the more peace within soon. Thinking of you. <<extra hugs>>

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

I know why I travel over to this part of PC. I know why I "wake up" and I'm here. I know what draws me to wanting to confess everything...but I can't.

I want to talk about it, but I can't and therefore I don't. I can't admit to the evidence strung out before my eyes and I can't accept what it means and what it's telling me.

Admitting that admits too much and I just can't.

I don't know why I'm writing this. Maybe it's some weak attempt to see if somebody else understands. Maybe it's self reflection. Maybe I just don't know how else to express this. Either way, it's here and I'm having a hard time figuring out how to survive like this.

Nobody likes to admit that they are mentally ill at first, nor not having any control. I went through that...and some of the Others haven't as of yet

Just like admitting and accepting that one is an alcoholic in AA....we must also admit and accept our mental condition to begin recovery.

I have DID like I'm an alcoholic (all of us)....a very big bitter fruit to swallow- but swallow you must. Now that I've accepted that...I'm not stressing no more over that aspect of it. Disbelief has turned into belief.

It took us about a year vexing over the possibility and denial of, but now we're good even though a few of the Others are borderline denial as of yet....but at least the system isn't stressed.

I hope that you find your peace...I gravitated here, too, trying to make sense of it all. But this is where all the puzzle pieces finally makes sense. Good luck with all that hon. Small steps.

[iv.getmenott]

Hi there. I can understand what your saying. I've been through denial and in some ways I'm still going through it. I'm in the start of DBT Therapy. There are so many struggles and so many triggers for me. One minute I'm here and the next I wake up and it's a different day. Every waking day is such a struggle. I don't really know what I expect from being here. I'm no longer an I that I feel I am but a we. We are struggling to want to do things in our own but keep being told to work as a unit. I really can't see that happening. I wish the best for you.

[dlantern]

I'm glad that you don't have to concede to force in anyway possible either subconsciously or consciously. I'm so glad not everyone can dissect what is happening inside with just reading sentences and listening to what is being conveyed. In fact, the route of taking your time deciding what to share what you can face is your best bet at healing. I didn't get that chance, bad therapy and their decision was really harmful in our situation.

[MtnTime2896]

Thank you everyone for your acceptance and experience. It means a lot, right now. It's been really tough and reading all of your words is like a breath of fresh air.