My little me

I have dissociated fairly frequently in my life, and there are years of my chlidhood without much memory. I have been working with T for just about a year now and have been dissociating less and less in session. This past weekend I had incrediblly painful anxiety and panic. On Saturday morning I did a relaxation tape and afterward was just lying in bed sort of drifting.

Suddenly, I had a sense of being "little me." I was referring to my mother but not in the third person. I was saying to someone, (probably a sibling), "Mommy....blah blah blah" (can't remember the rest). The thing is, it was the first time I actually felt the presence of the other me inside of me. I was panicked and frightened. I called T and we spoke briefly a few hours later. Even though I knew I had an inner child and even though I know I am a dissociater (from abuse), it's still frightening to have this real experience.

Maybe my little me feels safe now, letting me see her? Oh gosh, it makes me nervous.

((((((((( Sister )))))))))))

I hope you're feeling safer now. If not, I'm sure more people will answer who know a lot more about it than me.

I disassociate and I had absolutely no idea that other people remembered all their childhood and adulthood. I can still remember and feel my shock. So much of my life is missing.

I just wanted to let you know I care and that I, too, know what it's like to not remember much of childhood.

Hugs,

Jan

You all aren't the only ones, I too have great chunks of my childhood missing. It makes it sad sometimes that I cannot remember the good times, but for me I know it also protects me from the bad stuff that I cannot handle.

(((((((((((sister))))))))))))