[Kumo]

I wanted to bring up some stuff here before potentially bringing it up with the forensic psychologist who worked with me to get the correct diagnosis with my anxiety and add-pi.

This is one of the few groups I feel genuinely safe in.

Here's stuff that's happening more and more on a regular basis with me:
1. When I'm driving (I've noticed it most when I'm driving) I feel like my body suddenly goes on "autopilot" where I am aware enough to keep myself safe, but that's it. Like if a deer suddenly jumped in the middle of the road, I'd have enough sense to not hit the deer, but my "sanity/safety" is really just enough to keep me from the imminent danger.

2. I came from a very toxic household (emotional & verbal abuse). I was sexually coerced from when I was 16-19 by an ex boyfriend. I feel like I have three distinct "Faces" so to say. One is a "little" version of myself who I would gauge is around age 7-12. Huge stuffed animal fan, pokemon toys and games, striped stalkings, blasting lana del rey, romanticizing criminal activity, along those lines. The other "face" is a much more mature (I'd say between ages 28-30) young woman. I sense maliciousness with her, but with a viper type maliciousness (cool, calm, collected, "silently sinister" type deal). This one has been around 'much longer' than the younger one. The third one I think of is like a 'dollface', which is my age, but has numb emotions. "Dollface" will suck in the lower lip ever so slightly and stare dead ahead, often "showing themselves" when I'm at work. If I had to take a guess, it's to help deal with the sheer physical pain of my new work place (desperate for money so I can't just "change jobs", also super introvert and I'm mentally exhausted from dealing with with so many people at said job as an introvert).

I do not go through any kind of amnesia, but I definitely feel like different "characters" come out, depending on what exactly is happening. The best thing I can compare it to, is when an actor "gets into character" for a show/movie/play/whatever.

(Somewhat unrelated note? Maybe? I don't know) I've also had huge anxiety involving my name. I'm adopted and my parents changed my "birth name" to my middle name and dubbed me with a new name. The issue here, is that I have been chronically called the wrong name throughout my life (it's a name similar to the one my adoptive-parents changed it to).

It's been so tough for me to find people who I connect to throughout my life. I've always had a very limited number of friends (maybe 4-6 at the most throughout my life, I moved about 4-5 times when I was younger, before high school). I've always been an outcast when it came to school.

What do you all think? I realize I kind of dumped everything here, but I'm really curious.

Hey hi kumo...welcome to PC!

A lot of it sounds like a dissociative disorder....and doesn't have to be DID, could fall under OSDD which are like DID, but don't meet the full diagnostic requirements to be DID. Me, we are there or anywhere in between. The actual letters don't bother me because we are in fact a Multiple. I would say we are DID (co-conscious: we think talk...but don't blend, more like oil and water) because the Others don't feel like characters...they are their own personalities with talk, walk, think, feel, gestures, manners...we just look the same in physical appearance...except of what we wear.

OSDD has this blending thing....I think, impulses, leanings, they have alters but not so apparent....or pronounce.

There is a thing called highway hypnosis where one can daze out whilst driving...is it you? I couldn't tell you.

In us though...we daze out as Others take over the conscious because they/we are talking thinking, sometimes at the same time (very, very distracted driving) (samething in the shower...I know it's not me)...we can drive blocks or even miles...like come to on the freeway going across town to work. It's really really scary to drive because we can't focus....we've been terribly lucky so far. I've left N.W. Arkansas and drove into Texas in what seemed like a matter of moments. The drive is boring, so I didn't mind! Lol

As far as having friends...I'm like you in that regard....always the odd duck. I never could find my "fit" till I found others like me on the internet in these forums, here, there and everywhere.

I experience depersonalization and derealism (dp/dr)...it comes in waves it seems....never permanent till I ground my way out or it goes away- where everything in life feels unreal, but I know them to be real- not psychosis.

What else goes on with you as far as your experiences?

Sure it's something to discuss with your pdoc....because if it weren't happening, you wouldn't be concerned about it. Keep us posted.

[leejosepho]

My own experience is more like I am the third-person observer watching myself selectively "change color" (like a chameleon) to try to fit the situation, circumstances or environment around me, such as driving on the highway with the mind of a trucker even though I am typically in one of the smallest vehicles on the road...and that can place me in danger because even the slightest bump from another vehicle or a sudden gust of air could send me spinning where a big truck might not even wiggle a bit. Overall, however, I am mostly still a young boy trying to live as best he can in a world he often does not understand and while always wondering and watching to see whether there is anyone else like me anywhere.