Rant on why I'm this way

"You're number two. You know what NUMBER 2 is don't you?"

Don't know about where you're from but here in US number 2 stands for *****. That's was a daily greeting to me from parent.
Hate snow! Was put outside in winter with less then proper attire. Feet sting they're so friggin cold. Put in car and left. Hope someone goes by and saves me. When something breaks in house or goes wrong it is because of me. "You did it" if I say i didn't do it then I am "THE LIAR!!!" and will have to answer to the belt or hairbrush or razor strop that hangs on the hook into the basement.
Toldover o0ver how worthless and try not tocry. don't want them to see they can make me cry but it gets worse and do cry and then they run up and hug me!!! who DOES that? Absent from school alot too many bruises principal calls to check and that makes her mad and she tries the belt and i run asnd run and run 7years old in hospital dehydrated won't eat.
5 years old first time lost time and place. one second on back step and next at strange busy intersection. still happens worry when I don't recognize my surroundings. every day just try to get through it now as adult don't trust people.
BUT found out if I made them laugh then they left me alone. The family clown. jokes keep me safe.

I'm sorry you've had to deal with all of this. I was an only child. All-in-all I guess I had pretty good parents. I don't remember much about my childhood. But one memory I do have is of me when I was somewhere around 8 years old. I don't know what I'd done. But my father had taken off his belt. He cornered me behind my bed. And I still have this image of me crying, pleading with him not to hit me with it while he snapped the belt, which he had folded in two, as he smiled & told me to come out & take it like a man. That's where the memory ends though. I have no idea what happened next. Years later I recall one time him telling me he came first, my mother came second & I came third. Sadly, these kinds of experiences can stay with us for a lifetime. Mine have. I hope you find the inner strength to overcome yours.