[TrailRunner14]

Just a curious question of how you handle things that seem big if you think you may not be able to meet with your therapist.

The holidays are coming up and I’m in a place that is hard for me.

I️ work through things week by week and handle what comes to me with the safety of knowing I️ can sort it out with my counselor the upcoming week.

I️ want to be stronger and be able to handle things and put them in a safe place. I️ don’t want to be dependent, but I️ am.

That makes me .......::

I️ don’t know what that makes me.

Afraid?

Angry?

Needy?

I️ don’t know what I’m trying to say or ask.

Just putting this out there.

Thanks for hearing me.

[L.P.]

I dont have a t so maybe im not a good one to talk but then maybe i am cuz i dont got one i try to make sure i got safety nets in place when i know things are gonna go down soon cuz when i get to feelin small n not so good then i cant thin right enough to do all that in the middle of it. My safety net is my fuzzy blanket, my favorite teddy bear, this one book I like, and my fidget cube for when I am stuck all small. My safety net for when Im not feelin too small but still all mucked up in the head is my one mandala color book, a sketch pad and pens and pencils for drawin it out, a notebook for writin it out, some oranges for sensory help if writin n drawin gets to tense for me, green tea honey and lemon juice yum for breaks. I keep what i can behind my big chair so its already right there for me when i need it so all i gotta do is curl up and crawl in. Lots of other ones in my system have things by that chair to. We try to plan ahead just incase. Oh to we got some outside the head people we can call for help to or maybe just let them know we got stuff maybe goin down and as hey could you check in on us sometimes just incase. I only call that husband guy we got cuz hes nice to me and if its a emergency i know hes gonna show up to help me. But writin it out n drawin it out help me the most cuz i get to be my own soundin board that way. plus i can look back at it later and learn more about what i was thinin n feelin then plus see what else i think n feel now so i can learn more and maybe go aha! about it. Haha. I like it when that happens to. Sorry im talkin lots. I had a rough weekend and sure used my safety nets and now all that is in my brain bein loud cuz its really real to me right now.

Okay. I promise to be quiet quick but i wanted to say to how i now you sayin how you dont know if maybe this makes you feel afraid or angry or needy and i sure dont wanna tell you how to feel or nothin cuz you got every right to feel just exactly how you gonna feel but i think its real understandable to be feelin lots of feelings about all this. you got lots goin on and holidays make stuff hard n then maybe not bein able to see your t well thats even harder. I dont think that makes you dependent. I think that makes you human. You got a way you been doin this n dealin with tough stuff and changin how you wor this with maybe no t time well that throws a great big wrench in everything and im sorry you gotta be dealin with this right now thats gotta be a lot of things n none of them comfy cozy. Nope. But even though its hard, I know you can do it. Im pullin for you and i bet im not the only one here in this place pullin for you to. If you think you wanna put together a safety net like i do, well i know you can put us people here in that safety net to ok?

NiKKi

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by L.P.

I dont have a t so maybe im not a good one to talk but then maybe i am cuz i dont got one i try to make sure i got safety nets in place when i know things are gonna go down soon cuz when i get to feelin small n not so good then i cant thin right enough to do all that in the middle of it. My safety net is my fuzzy blanket, my favorite teddy bear, this one book I like, and my fidget cube for when I am stuck all small. My safety net for when Im not feelin too small but still all mucked up in the head is my one mandala color book, a sketch pad and pens and pencils for drawin it out, a notebook for writin it out, some oranges for sensory help if writin n drawin gets to tense for me, green tea honey and lemon juice yum for breaks. I keep what i can behind my big chair so its already right there for me when i need it so all i gotta do is curl up and crawl in. Lots of other ones in my system have things by that chair to. We try to plan ahead just incase. Oh to we got some outside the head people we can call for help to or maybe just let them know we got stuff maybe goin down and as hey could you check in on us sometimes just incase. I only call that husband guy we got cuz hes nice to me and if its a emergency i know hes gonna show up to help me. But writin it out n drawin it out help me the most cuz i get to be my own soundin board that way. plus i can look back at it later and learn more about what i was thinin n feelin then plus see what else i think n feel now so i can learn more and maybe go aha! about it. Haha. I like it when that happens to. Sorry im talkin lots. I had a rough weekend and sure used my safety nets and now all that is in my brain bein loud cuz its really real to me right now.


Okay. I promise to be quiet quick but i wanted to say to how i now you sayin how you dont know if maybe this makes you feel afraid or angry or needy and i sure dont wanna tell you how to feel or nothin cuz you got every right to feel just exactly how you gonna feel but i think its real understandable to be feelin lots of feelings about all this. you got lots goin on and holidays make stuff hard n then maybe not bein able to see your t well thats even harder. I dont think that makes you dependent. I think that makes you human. You got a way you been doin this n dealin with tough stuff and changin how you wor this with maybe no t time well that throws a great big wrench in everything and im sorry you gotta be dealin with this right now thats gotta be a lot of things n none of them comfy cozy. Nope. But even though its hard, I know you can do it. Im pullin for you and i bet im not the only one here in this place pullin for you to. If you think you wanna put together a safety net like i do, well i know you can put us people here in that safety net to ok?


NiKKi

Thank you so much Nikki for your reply!

I️ do have a safe big chair in my reading room. My favorite things are around my chair, just like you described. I️ hadn’t really thought of it in the way that you shared it.

That is a safe place to go and hide for me to be alone and have the things at hand that give me peace. I’m so glad that you have a place like that too.

This is a really hard place for me. It’s confusing and that in itself gives more internal conflict to it.

Thank you Nikki for hearing me and your reply. The people here, in this place, have been so much more than supportive and listening. I️ am very thankful for you and for them.

I’m thankful to have you and them in my safety net.

[Solnutty]

Originally Posted by L.P.

I dont have a t so maybe im not a good one to talk but then maybe i am cuz i dont got one i try to make sure i got safety nets in place when i know things are gonna go down soon cuz when i get to feelin small n not so good then i cant thin right enough to do all that in the middle of it. My safety net is my fuzzy blanket, my favorite teddy bear, this one book I like, and my fidget cube for when I am stuck all small. My safety net for when Im not feelin too small but still all mucked up in the head is my one mandala color book, a sketch pad and pens and pencils for drawin it out, a notebook for writin it out, some oranges for sensory help if writin n drawin gets to tense for me, green tea honey and lemon juice yum for breaks. I keep what i can behind my big chair so its already right there for me when i need it so all i gotta do is curl up and crawl in. Lots of other ones in my system have things by that chair to. We try to plan ahead just incase. Oh to we got some outside the head people we can call for help to or maybe just let them know we got stuff maybe goin down and as hey could you check in on us sometimes just incase. I only call that husband guy we got cuz hes nice to me and if its a emergency i know hes gonna show up to help me. But writin it out n drawin it out help me the most cuz i get to be my own soundin board that way. plus i can look back at it later and learn more about what i was thinin n feelin then plus see what else i think n feel now so i can learn more and maybe go aha! about it. Haha. I like it when that happens to. Sorry im talkin lots. I had a rough weekend and sure used my safety nets and now all that is in my brain bein loud cuz its really real to me right now.

Okay. I promise to be quiet quick but i wanted to say to how i now you sayin how you dont know if maybe this makes you feel afraid or angry or needy and i sure dont wanna tell you how to feel or nothin cuz you got every right to feel just exactly how you gonna feel but i think its real understandable to be feelin lots of feelings about all this. you got lots goin on and holidays make stuff hard n then maybe not bein able to see your t well thats even harder. I dont think that makes you dependent. I think that makes you human. You got a way you been doin this n dealin with tough stuff and changin how you wor this with maybe no t time well that throws a great big wrench in everything and im sorry you gotta be dealin with this right now thats gotta be a lot of things n none of them comfy cozy. Nope. But even though its hard, I know you can do it. Im pullin for you and i bet im not the only one here in this place pullin for you to. If you think you wanna put together a safety net like i do, well i know you can put us people here in that safety net to ok?

NiKKi

Wow, Nikki, this is super helpful. Thank you.

[Solnutty]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

Just a curious question of how you handle things that seem big if you think you may not be able to meet with your therapist.

The holidays are coming up and I’m in a place that is hard for me.

I️ work through things week by week and handle what comes to me with the safety of knowing I️ can sort it out with my counselor the upcoming week.

I️ want to be stronger and be able to handle things and put them in a safe place. I️ don’t want to be dependent, but I️ am.

That makes me .......::

I️ don’t know what that makes me.

Afraid?

Angry?

Needy?

I️ don’t know what I’m trying to say or ask.

Just putting this out there.

Thanks for hearing me.

Things I got from my t--
Being dependent can be scary and feel unacceptable because as little ones we only experienced dependence as hurt. But the reality is there can be dependence that is good and right and okay. Seeking help is what we are supposed to do, and there is no human being on earth that's not dependent on others, especially in hard times. So it makes sense that bad, angry, scary feelings come up for us when we think we might need help or comfort, and yet this is a double bind, because we need something we don't want, and can't judge what is appropriate.

I have an alter for whom comfort of any kind is overwhelming. He's working on increasing his tolerance for good feelings. I don't know if that goes with all I'm saying but there it is.

My t has worked with us on comforting ourselves and each other, and time after time we all forget and need to be reminded to do very simple things that bring up feelings of comfort. It's hard to learn but also totally understandable. T says those comfort feelings are super important to access because it switches us to a different neurological mechanism, so to speak. It keeps us from going into survival mode, or helps us get out. She says these pathways of comfort are weak and need to be strengthened with lots of use. Comfort comfort comfort. Feels like learning how to write left-handed. Not natural. But as many times as I need to be reminded I have seen that it is true.
Internal hugs are great. Can any of you hug each other inside? We have internal safe places. Internal pets, who are warm and soft and we like to listen to their heartbeats and breaths. Like our Little, with her Aslan. Haha! Pets is the wrong word I think. They're not like pets. Better. And stuffies of course. Can't forget those. Blankies. Taking time for this is up there with taking time to shower or brush teeth. It's just plain necessary.
I'm remembering how important all this is as I type.
We have been starved of comfort for a good long time, and we need to take in as much of it as we can, as often as we can.

[dlantern]

I just take it in stride we obey a lot of different feelings and disobey the others. Do you feel at risk for some sort of flare up? A break down. I think it is a good thing to at least know what is happening.

[ruh roh]

I don't have an answer. It's a struggle.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by dlantern

I just take it in stride we obey a lot of different feelings and disobey the others. Do you feel at risk for some sort of flare up? A break down. I think it is a good thing to at least know what is happening.

No flare up. It’s just a desire to want to understand.

Thank you for for that!

It cycles around, at least for me.

Thank you!

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

I don't have an answer. It's a struggle.

Neither do I. Thank you. Pm you.

[Amyjay]

I am not good at pacing myself. My therapist wants me to slow down. I feel an urgent need to delve into everything right now. I have daily life things that I need to attend to though and I am not able to get them done because so much of my focus is on internal work and trying to figure it all out.
Like right now I am supposed to be doing written evaluations of last week and write an important presentation for this week. But I have internal things I am trying to figure out and I don't want to "switch off" internal focus to work on outer things. This is always a problem for me.