[fringillidae]

i really want to make sure my alters can introduce themselves and feel comfortable talking to my friends, but... idk, i know i don't really have anything to be nervous about, but i still worry about these things...

my few close friends know i'm a system and i've been trying my best to explain things, and while they're very accepting, my alters and i are still terrified of the idea of them talking together...

i'm not sure why i can't just relax, because i know my friends are good people and will accept them because they're parts of me... but idk something about the whole ordeal is incredibly nerve-wracking still... the whole idea of introducing my 80+ alters whenever they're around is scary.

it's like sure they know about my alters and all... but what will they think when they actually meet them?

this post is a little pointless, i suppose, but i just needed somewhere to put this to put my mind at ease...

anyone have tips for helping alters feel ok talking to friends? i know they don't know my friends personally, but they're good people and they know this... it's just hard.

[Amyjay]

Hi and welcome to the forums. Can I ask why you want your alters to talk to your friends?
I don't have that issue of wanting alters to talk to friends (not surprising, I don't have friends!) but my alters come out and talk to whomever they want to when they need to anyway. Those are the alters who take care of world type interactions anyway. But most of alters are trauma alters and only deal with that kind of stuff, and I wouldn't want them coming out with friends at all.
Maybe check with your alters though. I would guess that any alters that had any interest in interacting with others would have gone ahead and done that all your life anyway!
Just editing to add that it really might not be a good idea for littles and trauma alters to come out with friends. Friends aren't trained in trauma and dissociation issues and could cause a lot more harm than good. DID is painful stuff. Be careful.

[L.P.]

I'm inclined to agree with Amyjay, on more than one point. I never much had a say about who gets to meet who either. For me, it's either happening or it's not, I have no say in that one. It's actually been a major problem in my life over the last few years. I can't make plans I can't bail on last second or take classes or do movie nights with a friend or anything because I haven't been able to know who would be here on any given moment. The last thing anyone needs is me going to a movie and having a terrified little or violent teenager show up. No good comes of that for me.

But yeah, I think asking around inside sounds like a good idea as well. Then there's the thing to consider to that a lot of times, DID is a covert kind of coping/survival skill, you know? The whole idea of being outed to friends (even friends who know and friends you trust) could be scary just because it's being outed, you know? I know that alone would make me feel incredible vulnerable and exposed if some other me had some friends and was like hey, I want you guys to meet Avery. Not like I could suddenly show up, but you know if I could... I'd feel like people were staring at me and I'd be really uncomfortable with that. But that's me.

That said, it sounds like you have some good, supportive friends, and I think that's awesome. But yeah, maybe ask around inside and see where the hesitation is coming from. Maybe offer some reassurance that no one has to meet anyone if they are not ready. If you have some decent co con going, maybe just spend some time around your friends so that others inside can feel more comfortable and hopefully see that yeah, these are safe people. That's the best I got... take it slow, offer reassurance, and be clear that it is a choice and not a must do. Wishing you well in this.

-Avery

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by fringillidae

i really want to make sure my alters can introduce themselves and feel comfortable talking to my friends, but... idk, i know i don't really have anything to be nervous about, but i still worry about these things...

my few close friends know i'm a system and i've been trying my best to explain things, and while they're very accepting, my alters and i are still terrified of the idea of them talking together...

i'm not sure why i can't just relax, because i know my friends are good people and will accept them because they're parts of me... but idk something about the whole ordeal is incredibly nerve-wracking still... the whole idea of introducing my 80+ alters whenever they're around is scary.

it's like sure they know about my alters and all... but what will they think when they actually meet them?

this post is a little pointless, i suppose, but i just needed somewhere to put this to put my mind at ease...

anyone have tips for helping alters feel ok talking to friends? i know they don't know my friends personally, but they're good people and they know this... it's just hard.

the only time I had a problem with whether my alters would be talking with my friends was after I was diagnosed. then my therapist explained to me getting the diagnosis doesnt change anything. everything that is going to happen has already been happening since the very first alter creation or as some people call it dissociation to the extreme of alters coming into being, that meant that even before I knew of their existence and diagnosis of DID in me the alters were already talking with my friends. example Rainy was already talking to my best friend franny way back when I was 4 yrs old. Thelma was already talking to another one of my best friends chris when I was 16. I did not know I was DID until I was in my first year of college when I got diagnosed with DID.

my suggestion is not to worry so much about whether your alters are going to talk to your friends now after you and your friends know they are there. if your alters are capable of talking with your friends they have already been doing so for many years.

another suggestion is talk with your treatment providers, they will tell you whether its possible for your alters to talk with your friends and you know all the behind the scenes elements of what goes into this kind of thing, like sense of agency, dissociation and more.

[fringillidae]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Hi and welcome to the forums. Can I ask why you want your alters to talk to your friends?
I don't have that issue of wanting alters to talk to friends (not surprising, I don't have friends!) but my alters come out and talk to whomever they want to when they need to anyway. Those are the alters who take care of world type interactions anyway. But most of alters are trauma alters and only deal with that kind of stuff, and I wouldn't want them coming out with friends at all.
Maybe check with your alters though. I would guess that any alters that had any interest in interacting with others would have gone ahead and done that all your life anyway!
Just editing to add that it really might not be a good idea for littles and trauma alters to come out with friends. Friends aren't trained in trauma and dissociation issues and could cause a lot more harm than good. DID is painful stuff. Be careful.

well, i know for a fact that some of my alters at least would like to talk to my friends but have been too anxious thinking about what my friends might think of them...

but i want my friends to talk to them to get to know the other parts of me, and not just... this me.

i know my alters aren't necessarily "me", but they're not... "not me" either?

and they used to talk to people without worrying, but that's before we knew we were a system... it's like. now that we know suddenly everything is more difficult to do.

i will be careful, but this is still something a lot of us want to do. it's just hard when all we can think about is how awkward it can be to meet "new" people. some of them technically have spoken with them before, but not that my friends know that...

these things are just really complicated and i wish it wasn't so hard.

[fringillidae]

Originally Posted by L.P.

I'm inclined to agree with Amyjay, on more than one point. I never much had a say about who gets to meet who either. For me, it's either happening or it's not, I have no say in that one. It's actually been a major problem in my life over the last few years. I can't make plans I can't bail on last second or take classes or do movie nights with a friend or anything because I haven't been able to know who would be here on any given moment. The last thing anyone needs is me going to a movie and having a terrified little or violent teenager show up. No good comes of that for me.

But yeah, I think asking around inside sounds like a good idea as well. Then there's the thing to consider to that a lot of times, DID is a covert kind of coping/survival skill, you know? The whole idea of being outed to friends (even friends who know and friends you trust) could be scary just because it's being outed, you know? I know that alone would make me feel incredible vulnerable and exposed if some other me had some friends and was like hey, I want you guys to meet Avery. Not like I could suddenly show up, but you know if I could... I'd feel like people were staring at me and I'd be really uncomfortable with that. But that's me.

That said, it sounds like you have some good, supportive friends, and I think that's awesome. But yeah, maybe ask around inside and see where the hesitation is coming from. Maybe offer some reassurance that no one has to meet anyone if they are not ready. If you have some decent co con going, maybe just spend some time around your friends so that others inside can feel more comfortable and hopefully see that yeah, these are safe people. That's the best I got... take it slow, offer reassurance, and be clear that it is a choice and not a must do. Wishing you well in this.

-Avery

i don't necessarily get a say either... my alters just kind of front whenever and none of us have any control over it. tho, it's more co-fronting than anything. they rarely if ever fully front.

i have asked inside a bit, and i know a lot of them are interested in getting to know my friends and make friends themselves. we have really bad communication, so talking with each other is really hard, so they don't have many inside friends if any. we don't really have much of an inner world, again, if any.

but i just think i'd benefit from my friends already having associations with some of my alters, especially the ones that tend to show up more often. i can't actually force them to start co-fronting so that they can meet each other, but when they're around, i would like them to get to know my friends. and they want it too, but are just anxious of what my friends will think of them.

both of my friends that i want to meet my alters have said that they'll accept my alters because they're parts of me, but i'm just worried, still... i mean. it's understandable to feel worried, i guess, but i feel like maybe i shouldn't worry so much when i have such nice and supportive friends... makes me feel a little guilty, haha;;

but yeah i'm trying to take it slow, but there's so much just wanting them to understand right away, which i know is impossible, but hey, a dude can dream :/

[fringillidae]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

the only time I had a problem with whether my alters would be talking with my friends was after I was diagnosed. then my therapist explained to me getting the diagnosis doesnt change anything. everything that is going to happen has already been happening since the very first alter creation or as some people call it dissociation to the extreme of alters coming into being, that meant that even before I knew of their existence and diagnosis of DID in me the alters were already talking with my friends. example Rainy was already talking to my best friend franny way back when I was 4 yrs old. Thelma was already talking to another one of my best friends chris when I was 16. I did not know I was DID until I was in my first year of college when I got diagnosed with DID.

my suggestion is not to worry so much about whether your alters are going to talk to your friends now after you and your friends know they are there. if your alters are capable of talking with your friends they have already been doing so for many years.

another suggestion is talk with your treatment providers, they will tell you whether its possible for your alters to talk with your friends and you know all the behind the scenes elements of what goes into this kind of thing, like sense of agency, dissociation and more.

well, it's less that i'm the one concerned about it, and my alters are the ones more concerned about it.
they were never anxious abt talking to my friends before because we didn't know what we were.
but now all of a sudden that we know, now they're anxious abt talking to my friends.

tho your advice is helpful, i think.
i guess i shouldn't worry so much since i have such good friends and my alters have already spoken to them before,
whether my friends are aware of that or not...
rather, even i wasn't really aware of it until my diagnosis.

for the most part my alters just co-front, but every rare once in a while they'll front on their own.
but that is something that rarely if ever happens--
so most of the time i'm still sort of kind of there to watch things go down.
tho their sense of self sort of "replaces" mine when they co-front,
so it almost feels as though i've like... "become" them in a way...
dissociation stuff is super strange. brain stuff is strange. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[dlantern]

For me, it is like can a friend meet us and know that because we all aren't on the same page can they act as like intermediary when we need to escape. For us the scary things is breaking down the potential conflicts having them understand it isn't you but just what you accepted if we are friends....I think it is best to leave it dissociated because it takes a special person to understand that, nobody usually has the time or energy to devote to anything like that usually. I think we prepare because it is new to us to put on new eyes the eyes of understanding . It goes away afters wards just make sure alters aren't so absorded in the therapist agenda .