[L.P.]

The plan is for me to go to the hospital tomorrow... that is when they will have a bed for me. If I am understanding correctly it is a five day, intensive program. Not sure if I will be there past the five days or not. I think some people end up staying longer, but five days is apparently the standard? I dunno. The info was given to me yesterday, but I don't have a solid handle on yesterday. What I do know is that they have a trauma type program and are equipped to deal with people with DID. So yeah... that's a good thing.

I'm not really sure what happened or how it all happened, but over the last few months I started unraveling and just could not seem to stop. Life kinda kicked my backside and I couldn't/wouldn't/didn't find room in all that to practice self care and to say i got overwhelmed is an understatement. Two days ago I snapped and I dunno. I'm not ok. But I am ok enough to know I need help, so that's a positive. I didn't end up hurting myself or anyone else, so that's a positive as well.... I dunno, I am self destructing, so maybe that is hurting myself. That one is up for debate still. I think my idea of self harm differs from those around me. Meh. Irrelevant. Point is, I am going inpatient.

I'm kinda freaking out about it. I don't trust psych people, but I know I need them. I'm terrified of being drugged up because I have bad reactions to meds. As a kid I was in a psych hospital and passed out, came to with a nurse over me telling me how they thought they were gonna lose me. I mean, med reactions are baaaadddd for me. I'm scared the intensive aspect of it will set me off and all I'll do is rapid switch and the whole thing will be pointless because of that and all I'll get out of it is a bill I can't afford. I am beyond poor and run out of food as it is now without some huge monthly bill for psych help. I couldn't afford a $20 copay for a freakin therapist how am I gonna afford this? But I'm more afraid of what I might learn... will I have to deal with stuff I am not ready to deal with... both in my head/past and in my present reality. I'm scared of getting better... stupid right? Meh. But I'm gonna do it. I don't want to, but I know I need to. Wish me luck, eh? Methinks I need it.

-Avery

[katydid777]

I hope, and pray that they will be able to help you, and teach you how to deal with the issues that are causing you problems. I am thankful that you were able to see that you needed the help. Let us know if we can be helpful to you, and let us know when you get out. Hang in there tomorrow isn't far off.

[toomanycats]

it's all going to be ok! we were so so scared to go inpatient but it wound up being a really good thing. we had a say in every medicine we took, and they didn't push us onto anything we didn't want to take, which was a big big deal. honestly, a few of us miss it sometimes -- it was nice to just be somewhere where we were safe and taken care of and didn't have to think about anything except staying safe and getting ourselves back to functioning. we have dreams about it sometimes with a longing.

it's going to be ok <3

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by L.P.

The plan is for me to go to the hospital tomorrow... that is when they will have a bed for me. If I am understanding correctly it is a five day, intensive program. Not sure if I will be there past the five days or not. I think some people end up staying longer, but five days is apparently the standard? I dunno. The info was given to me yesterday, but I don't have a solid handle on yesterday. What I do know is that they have a trauma type program and are equipped to deal with people with DID. So yeah... that's a good thing.

I'm not really sure what happened or how it all happened, but over the last few months I started unraveling and just could not seem to stop. Life kinda kicked my backside and I couldn't/wouldn't/didn't find room in all that to practice self care and to say i got overwhelmed is an understatement. Two days ago I snapped and I dunno. I'm not ok. But I am ok enough to know I need help, so that's a positive. I didn't end up hurting myself or anyone else, so that's a positive as well.... I dunno, I am self destructing, so maybe that is hurting myself. That one is up for debate still. I think my idea of self harm differs from those around me. Meh. Irrelevant. Point is, I am going inpatient.

I'm kinda freaking out about it. I don't trust psych people, but I know I need them. I'm terrified of being drugged up because I have bad reactions to meds. As a kid I was in a psych hospital and passed out, came to with a nurse over me telling me how they thought they were gonna lose me. I mean, med reactions are baaaadddd for me. I'm scared the intensive aspect of it will set me off and all I'll do is rapid switch and the whole thing will be pointless because of that and all I'll get out of it is a bill I can't afford. I am beyond poor and run out of food as it is now without some huge monthly bill for psych help. I couldn't afford a $20 copay for a freakin therapist how am I gonna afford this? But I'm more afraid of what I might learn... will I have to deal with stuff I am not ready to deal with... both in my head/past and in my present reality. I'm scared of getting better... stupid right? Meh. But I'm gonna do it. I don't want to, but I know I need to. Wish me luck, eh? Methinks I need it.

-Avery

your post says they are a trauma program and are equipped to deal with DID...so I would not worry about the rapid switching... doing the rapid switching while in the program is a good thing. being a trauma program equipped to deal with DID they will know when you are rapid switching. the rapid switching will give them a chance to work with all your alters too, not just you.

think of it like an onion as each layer is exposed more can be done with it...if they just see the outer skin theres not much that can be done with an onion skin. but if you peel the onion all kinds of good things come from each of the onion.

or a lemon.... not much can be done with a lemon rind except grate it but if you use the whole lemon lots and lots more things can be done.

programs like this are meant to make people go deeper not just address the surface problems. by doing rapid switching they will know what exactly needs to be worked on with you.

I am glad that you are doing what you need to do so that you will continue to be safe by going inpatient.

[kecanoe]

I hope that the IP is helpful. It was helpful to me. Just being in a safe place was nice, being around people that I didn't care if I switched in front of was nice. They taught some interesting and good stuff, the other people there had a lot of helpful things to say.

[Amyjay]

Take care, L.P.

Good luck with this. How did it go (premature I know)? Need to know.

Five days don’t sound to long to deal with a total mind screw like DID. I got committed for 2 weeks because I was cutting and out of control drinking. They kept screwing with my bipolar meds and walked out with basically barely an adjustment. I kept switching a lot, but when they don’t know nobody is going to notice.

Hopefully it leads to more help.